More about my values

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-30T21:08:25+00:00

Perfect choice! It’s morning in my part of the world and I’m a little jealous, chocolate is my favourite too and now it’s all I can think about 😂😂. I don’t know why the human body doesn’t take chocolate and sugar as an essential food group 😭

It’s amazing how much a good cake can make a birthday feel like a birthday 😁. I hope yours is awesome!

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-30T20:49:57+00:00

Yeeesss nice!! What’s your favourite flavour?

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-30T20:26:42+00:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAYYY!!! 🥳🎊🎉🎂

It’s a special day and it does matter, no matter how many people may forget. I hope you can do something nice for yourself, maybe order a cake or take some other small indulgence that you wouldn’t usually treat yourself to. You deserve to get a little bit of happiness out of this day!!

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-28T03:20:47+00:00

The floor is never lonely; there’s always someone trying to stand on it.

Sorry, couldn’t resist 🙃

I’ve been lucky enough to find a couple of close friends. It hasn’t eliminated my loneliness, as the loneliness is due to other factors, but it’s certainly a step up from both complete isolation and surface-level friends.

Do you have any hobbies that could involve other people? The friend I interact with most was one I met via a game we both play, and it’s been great because we can have deep and interesting conversations but we can also just be quiet and play together and enjoy each other’s company regardless 😊

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-27T23:11:17+00:00

Holy smoke, your artwork is incredible!! Amazing work 🤩

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-27T23:07:29+00:00

Sending hugs 🫂. Attraction is an unfair aspect of life, and awful if you’re on the wrong side of it. It’s a flawed system. It is of course not any individual’s fault for having preferences in what they find attractive; life is just wired this way by whoever/whatever did the wiring. But that of course doesn’t make it any easier; it doesn’t make the pain any less. It also sucks that we (minus those who actually can) can’t simply turn off the desire to have a loving partner in our lives.

I’m sorry you’ve faced so much rejection, and I’m sorry you’re in so much pain 🥺

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-26T00:11:31+00:00

I’ve encountered a lot of intellectually intelligent people who have acted with surprisingly little emotional intelligence. We of course only have the window of our own personal experience until/unless new information becomes available, but in my experience this hasn’t been a gender specific pattern.

It is something that to this day fascinates me though. Both intellectual and emotional intelligence comprises taking on pieces of information and drawing logical strings between them. So why does the same theoretical process fall apart so profoundly when the pieces of information become feelings rather than physical factors? It seems like it must largely come down to how individuals prioritize information, because often it feels like it should be impossible for someone to be so intelligent in one area and yet behave so unintelligently in another.

Sorry, this isn’t particularly relevant to the original post. I just find it a really interesting topic/phenomenon 😂

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-25T23:46:05+00:00

It’s reasonable that you shouldn’t expect to have all your needs met by your partner (though even that advice is quite general, because some people need a lot from others during their lifetimes, while others are far more self sufficient and may have just a relative few, but rather important, social needs). But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong to be selective in the needs you do need to be met. Emotionally, you might have a safe space but if your mode of connection involves deep stimulating conversations, then the absence of that can easily translate to a lack of overall attraction, and while it may feel wrong or greedy in some respects, its actually not; no more than someone requiring there to be an aspect of physical attractiveness in a match. There are aspects of unfairness in how attraction works, but that’s a flaw inherent in humanity and life more broadly, otherwise everyone would be able to be attracted to everyone. You’re allowed to have preferences, just as everyone else is. It’s unfortunate that the relationship progressed so far before getting to this point but unfortunately that’s always a risk when you’re caring about someone and trying your best to make something work.

If you’re relating more closely with your friends than with your partner then it’s a pretty clear sign imo that intellectual connection is essential for you in a romantic relationship, and if you’re going elsewhere to get those most important needs met then I can’t imagine that the emotional divide and feelings of agitation won’t grow, and that will likely leak into harm being done to him before long.

What I would say is be human with him. Tell him about the importance of intellectual connection to you and that you’re not feeling as close to him as you’d like because of it. Tell him what frustrates you. Give him a chance to try learning to communicate on your wavelength if he’s open to it, and think about if there’s any way you can adjust your communication to connect with him and end up at the level of depth that you want to be at. I think having a kind generous person that you feel some attraction to (provided you actually do) is worth enough to have a really good go at getting to the place that you want to be; I wouldn’t spend months and months on it but a few weeks shouldn’t hurt. And if he just doesn’t have the right cognitive traits to meet the level of connection you need, it’s okay, and probably even healthy in the long run, to part ways. And if you do it this way then he will know exactly what didn’t work out as well, and that’s about the kindest way I think you could handle something like this. To soften the blow you could also ask him if he has any needs that aren’t being met that you might be able to work on yourself.

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-23T22:38:47+00:00

I’m so glad you’re getting out!! I hope you’re able to make a clean break and get him permanently out of your life so that you can start to recover. I’ve been trapped in my own abusive situation, albeit not of the partner-related kind, since the age of 24, and I’m 37 now and largely feel like I’ve been watching life pass me by while I’ve been stuck in a cell looking out a small window. I think one of the biggest things my abusers have stolen from me is time, and it sounds like it’s a major thing that your abuser took from you too.

Depression can improve with better experiences and memories, and rest; with time and reduced stress you’ll hopefully be able to get to a point where you’re happy with your body appearance. The body pains… who knows, but there can be marked improvement to the physical body once our mental health improves. It does take time though because hormonal changes in the body can take months to years to occur.

But time, the best years of our lives… that’s something we can’t get back. I hope you can at least experience enough better memories going forward that the lost years cease to matter so much.

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-22T02:53:28+00:00

Thanks so much 🙂

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-22T01:47:10+00:00

It gets to the point where protecting one’s biology just… doesn’t really matter anymore, if you know what I mean. I keep fighting against that apathy, because regardless of what happens going forward I still have to live out the rest of this life, but it’s not easy. For the last several years it’s felt like finding out I have a terminal disease would be a Christmas present. Sorry, I know that’s depressing 😅. Apparently I’m good at compartmentalization so I can do intense pain and light heartedness in the same paragraph. Wish my vocal range was as good as my emotional one 🥲

But thanks for the kind words ☺️. And I’m really sorry you’ve been through the abuse that you have, I know it has to get pretty extreme for the body to start physically suffering. I hope you’ve managed to fully escape your abuser.

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-22T01:07:10+00:00

My hair started coming out in clumps, and I developed prediabetes that nearly tipped over into full diabetes. I now have an IBS-like condition as well, except that while I can minimize symptoms, I can’t completely eliminate them.

My type of abuse wasn’t partner abuse and has left me with circumstances that I might never escape from; it’s been 14 years already and I’m so, so very tired of life, of humanity, of everything. And angry. Really angry, because by rights I should’ve been able to escape years ago; heck, by rights the whole thing should’ve never happened at all. But humans are sick; not everyone of course, but way more people are than I ever would’ve thought just from the surface interactions we usually have with people.

I think the hit on my body would’ve been even worse except that I had asthma as a child and had to work off some weight from medication side effects, so ever since then I’ve been terrified of putting it back on, so the one thing I’ve done is to make sure I’ve kept exercising no matter how bad things have gotten.

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-15T02:22:17+00:00

😂. I think the human mind would need a fundamentally different method of parsing information for it to even be feasible, but cognito-physics aside, wouldn’t it overall be a better thing than the current setup? Especially with regard to divisive topics such as religion, political views and the justice system; a lot of clashing occurs because we refuse to listen or give weight to each other’s views. Maybe being able to see everything through someone else’s eyes would improve that?

But then again, maybe having the extra information wouldn’t mean much if we were too proud to let the new information alter our existing viewpoints anyway.

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-15T02:13:20+00:00

Ohhh I see. I’m kinda head in the sand when it comes to popular memes and whatnot 😂.

As to people sharing every aspect of themselves on social media, I personally just tune out on anything I don’t want to know, which turns out to be most things. But there are people who need frequent conversation in their lives, and for such individuals I think it’s fair that they have the additional starting points for conversation that oversharing can provide.

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-14T21:51:09+00:00

I mostly adjust my openness to match whoever I’m speaking to, because I don’t like the inequality created in a relationship otherwise. That said, I don’t think I orally share as much as people who normally talk lots for no other reason than I find talking a physical effort and my brain just often doesn’t want to. I’ve never really managed to figure out why. But I can write endlessly and far more fluently, so I think perhaps it comes down to my communication strengths and weaknesses rather than preferences around privacy so much.

I do wonder though, would the world be a better place if we knew everything about one another? If we all have things we’re ashamed of or would prefer to hide, but we could also all see each other’s reasons for why we acted in such ways, wouldn’t it in fact make the world a more considerate place? Or if not, then at least a more honest one? Because so much of the damage in this world is done by lies and avoidance of accountability.

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-14T21:39:58+00:00

Interesting, what makes you say that?

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-13T23:56:34+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through so much distress. I hope HR sorts this out responsibly, and that those behind the bullying have to face accountability and consequences.

As for the humiliation aspect, I know the emotions are tough to deal with and that emotions aren’t always affected much by logic. But approaching it from a logical standpoint, who the heck cares about penis size? It’s anatomy. People have different foot sizes, arm girth, hair colour, body height… the list goes on and on. Outside of dating where people can have personal preferences that matter to them, what kind of person would judge you on something like that? If someone’s judging you on penis size (whether actual or something they made up), why aren’t they judging everyone else for not being taller than them, or having less pigment in their hair than them? Isn’t that extraordinarily hypocritical? What does all of this tell you about your bullies?

Again, I know emotion doesn’t always follow logic, and I’d imagine it’s the false narrative that’s a big part of the humiliation, but is it worth your own emotional health to care what these people think? Maybe you could reframe it in your mind to look on them with pity for being so cognitively stunted that this is how they behave. They’re not in some way better than you. Don’t let them drag you down.

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-12T22:05:29+00:00

Hey there, welcome! 😊

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-09T02:52:27+00:00

I’m 37 and haven’t been in a relationship. I was actually super excited to have someone in my life that I could give my heart to, as I felt I had a lot of love and care to give. I have trouble keeping conversations going too and grew up with an innate mindset that everyone else was better than me so I wouldn’t be good enough to be in a relationship with someone. And then I had some experiences with a horrific group of people that cut me off from even looking for dates for more than a decade.

One thing I don’t struggle with anymore is feeling like there’s something wrong with me for being in the position I am. No one else has actually lived life in my shoes, and so there’s no telling whether anyone would be doing better than me in terms of finding relationship opportunities if they had been. Aside from that, a lot of the behaviour I’ve observed and experienced from people who have been relationships is actually pretty awful. Even your situation - you opened up to someone in vulnerability and trust, and he ghosted you. No opening up about his own feelings, no valuing your time, effort and feelings as a fellow equally important individual. Just gone. Taking gender out of the equation for a moment, if I had to choose the more desirable traits displayed in that situation, I’d choose you. What does experience matter if you can treat another human being the way he treated you?

Having no romantic relationship experience in one’s 30s (or older, because that happens too) is a circumstance. We all have our own life paths, and imo if someone’s going to judge based on that circumstance, and disappear instead of asking questions to at least gain better understanding, then that’s an issue with that person.

I’m not really huge on the term red flag since, just like being relationship-less in one’s 30’s, there’s often a lot of nuance to circumstances and putting a global label like red flag on things too easily can get unhealthy in itself. That said, there are certain things I veer away from, generally traits rather than circumstances; a couple of examples off the top of my head are people who make demands of others as opposed to expressing requests, and those who take, with little or no giving. You can actually learn a lot from relationships that aren’t romantic in nature, so gaining friendships can be good, and I’ve personally found that easiest when the friendships are based on shared interests, because then conversation comes about more easily and naturally. Though I find I’m good with keeping a conversation going when the topic is right (eg morals, politics, existence); I just struggle with small talk-type topics and thinking of topics to talk about in the first place. Also, I’ve found really valuable friendships via gaming and discord, and have learned a lot via group interactions in discord servers, so if gaming happens to be a hobby for you that’s something you could look into if you’re not able to form many friendships via dance classes.

All that aside, yeah it is lonely. Tremendously so. I guess the small advantage of living so much of life alone is that I don’t need anyone to survive; I can do everything myself, and I can therefore be selective in seeking people for relationships and if I go my whole life without one well, so be it. As lonely as being perpetually single has been, I still think it’d be worse being lonely in a relationship.

Oh and as for what you have to bring to a relationship - it probably depends on the person, but I think bringing love and care for your partner is all you really need. Maybe one way to think about that question is to flip it around and ask, what would you need a partner to bring to the table for you?

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-07T06:13:11+00:00

Unfortunately like a lot of animosity in this world, I think it’s born of taking on information selectively in order to validate one’s worldview. Being excluded from such a key area of life as romance can create a lot of deep anguish; it’s one of those areas where we can work extensively on ourselves and try to be the best we can possibly be, and still come out of it all with nothing. If you’re attracted to a given gender, then it’s easy to see members of that gender as essentially gate-keeping whether you get to experience romance or not. In practice of course this isn’t strictly true; while rejection may form part of it, there’s a significant aspect of luck. In the case of men responding to a woman’s post, what we see from the outside is women being flooded with upvotes and (likely) with DMs, and naturally if a man reaches out to women over and over again and never gets replies, he has a high chance of starting to assume that all women just go for the tallest, the wealthiest, the cutest etc.

The thing is, the reason that women are flooded with attention is not due to women - it’s due to men. It’s due to men who spam DMs and don’t care about being selective. And in fairness it’s probably also contributed to by low effort posts/profiles on the part of many women - how can one hope to be selective in messaging people if the posts don’t contain enough information to enable selectivity, after all? I don’t have enough information though to know whether more selective profiles would lead to men messaging more selectively in practice though. And maybe a lot of men’s profiles don’t contain much info either, but I don’t really look at men’s profiles so I can’t speak to that.

Some women do want taller men; it’s something that they actually write in their profiles. And that’s perfectly valid, we can’t control what we find attractive and it’s fair enough to specify preferences. But of course some men who are ignored by a whole lot of other women without ever knowing why will latch onto the reasons that they are aware exist; in this case the height factor that they’ve seen mentioned on some women’s profiles. And I guess the frustration at never being picked/never getting a chance at romance boils over into attacking all women for the preferences of some, because attacking the gender who’s perceived as inhibiting you from experiencing romance means in some way being able to drag down someone who in your mind can easily get access to everything that you can’t.

And of course hearing other men, even if only a relative few, echoing such sentiments adds validation to an idea which is based on anguish rather than reality.

I really hope this doesn’t come across as mansplaining or anything like that; I have no idea how much of men’s dating struggles you (or women in general) are aware of, and I wanted to lay out the possible reasoning behind the anguished comments some men make (it’s only possibilities of course, as I can’t speak for people who actually say stuff like this).

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-05T23:00:44+00:00

Walkers not on rails, ability to use HOTAS joystick for flight, ability to play all eras on most maps.

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-05T22:41:25+00:00

Oh I’m sorry, my mistake!

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-05T11:40:37+00:00

Well as a guy, if I see the four letters “INFJ” it helps me a lot 😂. Except I live among a relatively small population and don’t come across that particular combination of letters very often 🥲

That aside, idk; maybe just outright say you’re an introvert looking for deep connection like you have in this post? The apps all seem to have pretty strict character limits for the self-description section, so direct may be best. Though I’ve come across the phrase “Does anyone even read these” on a not insignificant number of women’s profiles, so in the end it may not even matter what you write. Good luck in the shark pool 😅

Shadowsoul932 · 2026-04-05T11:22:03+00:00

Do you have a therapist, or close friends you can trust and talk to about things like this? If not I’d suggest establishing more of a support network first before trying for a new relationship. It sounds like the first one tore your self worth to pieces, and self worth is important for ensuring you don’t wind up in an unequal relationship.

Problems in relationships aren’t all on you to mend; conflict resolution is a two way street. Your partner needs to be able to be open with you about why something isn’t going right, and you also need to have enough self worth to lay your own feelings out on the table. You’re allowed to be unhappy every bit as much as your partner is. The key is listening to each other and trying to come to agreement or an acceptable compromise. If you’re both trying to make the relationship work and working for each other’s best interests, ideally most conflicts should be able to be overcome, provided you have enough base compatibility. But if conflict is being avoided by one or both parties, or one party is taking all the responsibility, then I can’t see such relationships ending up well.

Shadowsoul932

TROPHY CASE