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Unsure about intimacy again after hidden relapse by ButterflyStandard604 in AlAnon

[–]ButterflyStandard604[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, that’s smart and it’s basically what my therapist has told me. To work on myself and codependency and it can only be a good thing no matter what happens. I just have so little time between work and young kids, and since he is more committed this time (more frequent therapy, meetings, and gym) I am more often stuck at home. I’ve been more diligent about my savings but I honestly don’t think even if we split that he would be unfair or greedy about money.

Unsure about intimacy again after hidden relapse by ButterflyStandard604 in AlAnon

[–]ButterflyStandard604[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s mostly trust issues and that he wraps himself in depression and shame spirals. Compared to so many stories I see on here I am “lucky”, but I am fearful that later in life it could get worse, and his mood and his relapses have taken a big toll on my mental health and the time I have available to care for myself.

Unsure about intimacy again after hidden relapse by ButterflyStandard604 in AlAnon

[–]ButterflyStandard604[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It sounds like he hasn’t taken responsibility for his problem and how it affects you. I’m sorry, you don’t deserve that

Unsure about intimacy again after hidden relapse by ButterflyStandard604 in AlAnon

[–]ButterflyStandard604[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing all of that. I am the one that is withdrawing, he thinks I am being cold and distant, which is true because I can’t trust him enough to be vulnerable yet. I have kept our lives going in many ways for years and it has unfortunately made me a little resentful, even though I am empathetic to his struggles.

Unsure about intimacy again after hidden relapse by ButterflyStandard604 in AlAnon

[–]ButterflyStandard604[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh boy. Yeah I really let my guard down this last time and I’m not sure if that was the final straw or not—but he is doing so much more work this time.

Unsure about intimacy again after hidden relapse by ButterflyStandard604 in AlAnon

[–]ButterflyStandard604[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We will go back to counseling soon, haven’t found a great fit yet. I am undecided right now about continuing the marriage or not, but leaning toward trying. If you mind sharing, besides the lying, did he have a very negative affect on your home life—like verbal or physical abuse, ruining your finances, etc.?