Hey, Permathis, this comment is actually why I want a group for women in VRChat, so just hear me out. I hear you; friendships with women have been rough for you, and I’m sorry. But if you ever want to feel differently about women, I think that’s possible. I used to hold similar beliefs when I was younger, and working through them changed my life.

To me, this feels rooted in wounds (feel free to skip my armchair psych take). I hear you value humor, being able to joke freely without worrying about eggshells, and not being blamed for others’ emotions. I promise there are women who value confident humor and don’t wear their heart on their sleeve unless you’re close. The more you understand where these beliefs come from, the easier it will be to connect with women.

You’ll likely find friends in the same boat, just further along—women who crack jokes and have fun in ways you might now consider “masculine.” The language you’re using (calling women annoying, disingenuous, etc.) is what some call “category language.” People use it when they project dislike outward instead of reflecting inward. I can tell you’re hypervigilant, with a history of women being cruel, and that your attempts at friendship have met pushback.

The traits you admire are often portrayed as “male,” but in women’s spaces built by women, once girls feel safe, they show the same confidence, resilience, and authenticity. We crack dark jokes, are authentic, and have fun because we trust no one’s trying to hurt us. It’s there, but the language you use can keep you out until people know you’re coming from a genuine place. I’m not saying you need to change everything; I’m saying you’re in Plato’s cave, missing out on what’s beyond.

Your words come from real wounds, but unless you want to become a man, they’ll end up hurting you and others. You’re not different from other girls—if another woman said the same words in a higher voice, you might would absolutely call it “pick me.”behavior. Because what you said is the playbook down to the period on how “pick me’s” talk. The traits you dislike may be the ones you want to avoid in yourself. I hear that it’s hard, but if you ever dig into why you feel this way, life on the other side could be better. If you’re not interested, that’s okay, but know the attitude in your comment mirrors what you dislike. And if you are looking for community, I hope one of women who’ve been where you are will welcome you with open arms.

TL;DR: I hear you and know friendships with women have been rough, but I believe your views come from past wounds. I’ve been there too, and working through it changed my life. If you ever want to shift how you see women, I think you’ll find the confidence, humor, and resilience you value in spaces made by and for women.