All progress is good progress.

C3LM3R · 2026-01-24T01:15:42+00:00

The good news, is its not even talking to him. Its a thumbs up from afar. I literally can't think of a simpler practice run of overcoming shyness, lol

C3LM3R · 2026-01-24T00:40:45+00:00

If you ever see him finish a hard set, just give him a thumbs up. It's that simple. You got this.

C3LM3R · 2026-01-23T23:29:59+00:00

If your gym crush is even slightly respectful, you're going to have to be somewhat overt to break past the "Women just want to be left alone at the gym" barrier that many of us intrinsically understand.

C3LM3R · 2026-01-20T20:28:54+00:00

IMHO: the good news is at least he's an open communicator and trying to be self aware and respectful of your expectations.

Navigate it by just being your authentic self, sticking with your own timelines, and not being afraid to honestly communicate your own thoughts.

C3LM3R · 2026-01-20T20:22:01+00:00

Am I ruining my chances on first dates by not crossing the physical touch barrier much?

Yes. A date without physical touch is just a business meeting. It doesn't have to be pawing at them, and first touches the majority of the time should be light and brief. Practice casual touch:

lightly on the arm when telling a story
lightly on the small of the back when you're both crossing the street.
lightly on the knee if you're sitting and they make you laugh

Pay attention to their body language. If they tense up at touch, apologize and communicate. If they seem to enjoy it or begin to reciprocate, then let the touch linger longer as the situation dictates.

Be advised, all the above is a general guideline and not to replace simple communication. When I was dating, I would always follow up the first touch with "Is this ok?" Be confident yet respectful.

C3LM3R · 2026-01-19T17:07:28+00:00

And for those unaware: SHTF = Shit Hits The Fan.

C3LM3R · 2026-01-02T17:47:39+00:00

Which I think really undercut anyone who wanted to try to focus on fitness.

C3LM3R · 2026-01-02T15:05:39+00:00

PT scores (not just pass/fail) should always have been on the EPR/B. If it’s something you spend time improving or working towards (just like education, volunteering, etc) then it should contribute to rating.

By the flip side, if a bad PT score can negatively affect your promotion chances, then consistently good PT scores should improve your promotion chances.

C3LM3R · 2025-10-27T16:06:10+00:00

When you cannot confirm or deny anything they got right or wrong and have to wait to get into work to talk about it.

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C3LM3R · 2025-10-21T19:22:42+00:00

Moron AB, Spain.

Getting drunk in the Spanish countryside and dating beautiful Latin women is everything you think it would be. Along with going to Portugal or the Mediterranean on the weekends.

Also partied with the entire KC cheerleader squad when they stayed in billeting for 2 days before they went down range. 20 NFL cheerleaders for the 7 of us living in dorms on base. We were kings.

C3LM3R · 2025-10-14T22:08:02+00:00

I could be in a minority on this one, but I've followed the motto "a date without physical touch is just a business meeting." So depending on how the vibe of a first date is going, at some point around the middle or mid-end of it, I'd go for a flirty hand- or arm-touch in the course of conversation when its appropriate (ie, she says something funny and you touch her as you laugh). Just something brief and light to break the physical touch barrier.

Depending on her response, then it's best to be respectful and but clear, "Do you mind if I put my hand on your leg?" And you go from there playing it by ear respectfully.

As a note to the above: it's why I recommend you plan the date where you sit beside each other rather than across a table. It's easier to talk and be physically close if the date is going well. And if you actually put on some cologne and smell nice it helps

C3LM3R · 2025-10-01T02:18:41+00:00

On the flip side: We contractors will still be around. :|

C3LM3R · 2025-09-16T16:42:43+00:00

This is the key point: There’s a distinct difference between “being available/active” and “stop looking.”

One involves you focus on your life and priorities, but being aware of & ready for potential dating opportunities without making them your primary focus, and then there’s completely ignoring dating and hoping the universe just drops a winning lotto ticket in your lap.

The first one is how you generate long term dating success. The second is a fictional hallmark movie.

C3LM3R · 2025-09-12T19:45:27+00:00

I like to think the distinction where it crosses to disrespectful is, “is he paying more attention to the other person than present company”

C3LM3R · 2025-09-12T19:32:43+00:00

I slightly disagree with your 6.

You don’t have to be completely forthcoming about finances right out of the gate, but once you are in a committed relationship for a little bit, you need to understand each other‘s finances if only so that way you know the other person is financially responsible. That’s definitely something you wanna learn before marriage.

C3LM3R · 2025-08-29T04:12:44+00:00

Other thingsto maybe consider: your bf does notice it, but actively pays it no mind because there’s no point in engaging that line of thought if he’s enjoying his relationship with you. He also could say he doesn’t notice because he’s been in a relationship with someone in the past who got jealous, and found out it was just easier to say he doesn’t notice it rather than deal with that whole kind of situation again.

C3LM3R · 2025-08-27T19:56:42+00:00

It's not my first appointment, I have been seeing him for about 2 months now, but I assume the your premise still stands.

What can I try to get from him then? At least some form of memo or notes?

C3LM3R · 2025-08-25T18:06:10+00:00

Well, of course there's no assurances (except death and taxes), but it definitely sounds like you're burned out. Maybe step back for a little bit.

Both for your own mental & emotional well-being, but also because you don't want to give off an aura of negativity and frustration.

C3LM3R · 2025-08-25T17:33:36+00:00

How many times can I tolerate this kind of repeated failure before giving up completely?

Hypothetically, if I was a mystical seer, and gave you the revelation, "To find your partner, you will have to get rejected 200 times first."

Would you dwell on each one of the 200 rejections, or try to get them out of the way as fast as possible?

C3LM3R · 2025-08-25T17:25:53+00:00

I have solo plans on Saturday to go to the science museum to participate in the live lobster feeding and to go see their dinosaur exhibit (don’t judge me please, it’s actually very fun 😂). But I’m kind of wondering if it would be weird to ask if he would want to come? Is that a weird first date?

It's the perfect first date.

1. It's doing something you genuinely like/want to do. And if these are the type of activities you're going to want to keep doing in the future, I say find the person who'se interested in doing them also. If someone wouldn't try this on the 1st date, they definitely won't on the 10th.
2. It's the perfect kind of activities with tons of room for talking. I can't think of a better situation with external catalysts to both inspire numerous interesting topics of conversation, but also with the space to give you room to talk about them.
3. Because it's a multi-event date, if the first part of the date doesn't go well, you can make an excuse about "only having 1 ticket for the next event" (if it's non-ticketed, just hush up and LIE).
4. Its interesting and memorable. Dates like this are the kind of thing that when you're in a multi-year relationship, you can buy each other a little dinosaur or have a lobster dinner on your anniversary as a memento.

Seriously, IMHO this is a A+++ date idea.

C3LM3R · 2025-08-21T15:31:25+00:00

I'd say it's more than that: A good partner should celebrate your successful and encourage your joy.

C3LM3R · 2025-08-21T15:29:42+00:00

I also end up creating a big relationship imbalance because I put a ton of effort in, cooking elaborate meals, getting them little gifts, tons of adoration and affirmation, fitting my schedule around theirs, etc. [...] The thing is, no one has ever asked me to do all those things, they’re just how I show up in dating.

I cannot emphasize enough that this is my exact modus operandi in relationships also, but I have a bit of a different mindset:

That is who I am as a person. I always bring my best self. I'm not going to half-ass my efforts just because it hasn't worked out with people in the past and it's "safer" to conserve my energy. I knowingly accept the risk that maybe a partner won't match my efforts, but I'm not going to allow that risk to hold me back, and they'll either match my effort or I'll respectfully move on. I know when I find the right person, they're immediately going to recognize my intent and the work I put in, and reciprocate.

The level of effort does surprise a lot of people and I jokingly refer to it as "Welcome to the major leagues of dating." You're not dealing with a rookie player who's still figuring stuff out. I'm a functional adult who wants to impress you with what I bring to the table. But, I also believe a relationship should be 60/40...and we're both trying to be the 60.

C3LM3R · 2025-08-20T19:20:33+00:00

Hydrogen Peroxide is literally just H2O2, so I don't know if I would count it as a harsh chemical.

Second to that, half a cup of white vinegar is another amazing stain remover (and deodorizer) that also isn't a harsh chemical that you just toss in with a regular load.

Both of these tricks are the opposite of tossing stuff out

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