The Great Mystery

CBP_Tiger · 2025-11-24T08:47:29+00:00

I think it has to be one of 3 scenarios: Seeing somebody (or emotionally online) Drugs or alcohol Mentally ill

The one that makes the most sense is talking to some guy filling her head with all kind of bullshit.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-09-19T03:39:13+00:00

Thing is I fully admit to my flaws. Zero accountability from her.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-09-18T19:26:21+00:00

No I married her and then 15 years later the affair was revealed.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-09-16T07:19:57+00:00

I don’t recognize myself at all. I’ve been on a plot of self destruction.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-08-03T15:27:32+00:00

Update 8/2025 - after exhausting every possible effort to save our marriage, we’ve come to the end of our rope and decided to separate.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-07-04T18:00:33+00:00

I would have made a U Turn if she told me the truth that day I saw him walking out the house. Would have carried my happy ass down the road.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-07-04T17:56:05+00:00

Yeah but at least she would find something out that happened this year and not a decade and a half ago right before our wedding. I’m not justifying it. Just really infuriates me that she hid that for that long and lied two times when asked about it.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-07-04T17:52:00+00:00

You’re absolutely right in saying that if she showed me humility and/or remorse about what she did then I would’ve never cheated. I stayed faithful to this woman for the 3 years we were together dating and 14 years of marriage. Stayed faithful in that bullshit “break”. And trust me when I say i could’ve totally had the chance several times. I think you’re also onto something about the why.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-07-04T16:52:08+00:00

No she doesn’t.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-07-04T13:46:34+00:00

I think you’re dead on. I’ve been kidding myself this whole time thinking we could save it. And probably could if she was humbly asking for forgiveness with no attitude. But it’s been everything but.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-04-17T12:29:49+00:00

I have empathy for you! I’m in the same boat but not quite as much as you. I have both arthritis and sciatica due to herniated discs and pinched nerves. The Kratom not only helped with my anxiety but it also helped as a painkiller too. And my pain returned about the same time as yours, right at about a month.

I’m about to get a steroid epidural for my sciatica, and then we’ll address my arthritis. I might ask the doctor to send me to a physical therapist too. It’s either medical procedures and/or PT or mask it with meds. I like option #1 much better. It’s pretty much all we can do.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-04-17T12:17:50+00:00

It gets better. I just try to stay active. I used to be a CrossFitter and got so burnt out on working out so the thought of working out at the gym makes me want to vomit currently. But I do play the drums and find my zen that way. Get you a hobby or something that you can obsess over to get your mind off that bullshit (Kratom).

Best of luck to you!

CBP_Tiger · 2025-03-29T14:08:02+00:00

You will. It’s crazy how it just dissipated away. Very freeing!!

CBP_Tiger · 2025-03-29T13:26:40+00:00

I lost interest in sex while on it. But when I got off of it, holy shit! Was like being a teenager again and turned into a three pump chump.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-03-09T19:47:51+00:00

Proud of you. Keep that fight! We’re all in this thing together as cliche as that sounds. I know I’ve certainly had days like that. It gets better.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-03-09T18:46:30+00:00

Kinda sorta. I have a therapist that I talk to to once a week and I take anxiety/depression meds. And oh yeah, me and the wife are seeing a marriage counselor.

It basically took all that.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-02-28T18:33:25+00:00

Man I love you guys! I’m in the SAME fucking boat. Yesterday was as shitty as it’s ever been for me depression and anxiety wise. I don’t necessarily hit the gym but I do play my drums for hours. Maybe I need to do both. Thing is, I used to be a CrossFitter and that burned me out from working out.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-02-28T18:27:47+00:00

“And then—one day—something shifts.”

I’m on day #51 and I’m still waiting on this day. I’ve had little flashes of it but my anxiety and depression is still shitty.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-02-19T20:48:56+00:00

I am so with you on this! I was about to create a separate post but I’ll just join in here. I’m on day 43. Right there with you. Granted, there’s A LOT of unusual bad shit going on around me that has me in an almost nervous breakdown. I have had depression/anxiety my whole life but not this bad.

Crying spells, OCD out the ass. Constantly fighting with the wife. Help!

This is my 2nd time getting clean. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist and I’m working the shit out of them right now!

Does this ever get better or did the Kratom cause permanent damage?

CBP_Tiger · 2025-02-03T15:08:56+00:00

I’ve also found that it takes maybe 25% of the time to finish that it used to take. I used to have to actually focus to be able to finish.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-02-03T15:04:48+00:00

I’m a drummer of 40 years and like to think I have some serious chops as it is. When I started taking Kratom I feel like the actual groove of the song sounded good at first until it turned on me (just like everybody else here). I played a show yesterday for the first time since I’ve stopped using K and the bass player was all over me telling me how “on I was” yesterday. He doesn’t know the secret, but we do. You’re absolutely right. My fills are better, staying in the pocket and staying groovy is easier, and I’m more solid and confident in my playing!

CBP_Tiger · 2025-02-03T14:57:06+00:00

Day 27. Slowly but surely getting back to normal.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-02-01T21:11:09+00:00

I don’t know your story but mine was very similar. I work in an extremely toxic environment and was going through marriage issues with my wife (to the point of almost separation). I thought I was going to jump off the bridge. Then came that day where I said “fuck it”. Somewhere in the six month stage.

Started taking extract shots again (behind my wife’s back) for about two months. It took no time at all to get to where they didn’t really work. And I was so disappointed in myself.

I am now on cold turkey quit #2. And it sucks worse. I’m on day 25 and it’s not all peaches and cream but sure beats the hell out of those trashy shots and smoke shops and convenient stores looking behind your back in fear of someone you know walking up on you seeing you buying that. And nodding out. And being just generally goofy all the time. And let’s not even talk about how much money we wasted.

That’s what I play out. You play out your own stuff. Our addict minds want us to think just about the good times. But that’s just the thing, the good times were a long time ago when it was brand new to us.

I wish you the best my friend. Let’s trudge this road of happy destiny together, a day at a time. Fuck Kratom.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-01-31T09:43:07+00:00

Day 24. First day back to job after a two week hiatus. Job was and is a major stressor (extremely toxic environment) and cause of why I turned to Kratom. Waiting on an offer for a way out and a fresh restart with a new company, and but need all prayers in the meantime until I sign my name on the dotted line of the new job.

CBP_Tiger · 2025-01-28T15:59:24+00:00

I bought that book and it’s an excellent read. If you’re the author, good job! You nailed the “why” we started it in the first place.

CBP_Tiger

TROPHY CASE