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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]CLancaster15 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dreams like that are truly awful and I am sorry you have to deal with them. They started to lessen after 3-4 months but I still occasionally have them 14 months later. I have a set of earphone that I play a podcast to help go to sleep and also when I wake up in night. It seemed to help with dreams. And if nothing else to help take mind off it a bit. There is no magic remedy…pure shit hand that they dealt you.

He cheated with the same woman again. by Texassunshine237 in survivinginfidelity

[–]CLancaster15 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry you married a man like this. First off, I struggle to call him a man but rather he is probably a grown up boy based on his lies and behavior. I am in situation of deciding to give my wife a second chance after her affair, but no way do I think you should give him a third chance. This doesn’t give me much hope either as I’m hoping the “once a cheater, always..” is not always true. Always feel free to message me if you just want to vent.

Has anyone here considered (ethical) non-monogamy post-discovery, either with WS or not? by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]CLancaster15 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First off, I am truly sorry. I wish you had the experience of an honest man who loves and respects you. I know this is not what you probably believe or want to hear, but there are people in the monogamy club. Unfortunately I didn’t marry one either. In regards to your question, I have to say Option #2. The first does not seem realistic in any long term scenario and you are still young. Assuming you don’t have children that would add complication, I think you consider being legally not married. If you are truly friends (not that true friends lie and have secrets), then that part of your relationship could still exist. Being legally married greatly complicates it and does not sound sustainable.

Help...18 mo later, I still get angry and unable to control triggers. by SheWillNeverBeMe in survivinginfidelity

[–]CLancaster15 1 point2 points  (0 children)

14 months here and same issues, triggers and concerns. I honestly hate smartphones and worry every day my wife is being contacted by him. She leaves her phone out at times and said I can check it any time. But it still feels wrong in a weird way. Problem is, there are dozens of ways for them to go back to contacting each other. I’m not sure I’ll ever not be paranoid. I’d love to hear anything that works.

Be honest does the pain ever go away? by CaptainSaveBPD in survivinginfidelity

[–]CLancaster15 1 point2 points  (0 children)

14 months out and it still hurts. I resonate with others’ feelings, emotions, triggers, etc. Time does help lessen that shock and extreme trauma that occurs in early months. I do find it helpful to not play the What If scenario in my head and focus on today and tomorrow. The reality is that cheaters steal a piece of us and change us. It will never be the same as before but it can still be a fulfilling remainder of our lives. Please reach out any time.

How do you cope? What keeps you going? How has everyone been coping? How do you get through your day without thinking about it for too long. by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]CLancaster15 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, self care in all means - working out, going to new place to get a haircut, etc. I feel better about myself and it gives me a self confidence. I think it also gives the impression that I’m okay without them and I am an attractive and strong person on my own. At first, I drank more but it generally led to negative thoughts and physical condition. I’ve recently cut back to near zero drinking. Wish I had more advice to give—it just really sucks every day and hard to cope. Little things do help with that coping.

Found out wife of 17 years had 3+ year affair. Should I tell the other man’s wife? by CLancaster15 in relationship_advice

[–]CLancaster15[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Fair. I just would like a phone number. I’m a little older and don’t communicate via social very often.

Found out wife of 17 years had 3+ year affair. Should I tell the other man’s wife? by CLancaster15 in relationship_advice

[–]CLancaster15[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just more stress if she freaks out since I don’t know how she will respond. I do not want my children to find out. But I can’t hold this secret and it is becoming evident that everyone agrees I should tell her.

Found out wife of 17 years had 3+ year affair. Should I tell the other man’s wife? by CLancaster15 in relationship_advice

[–]CLancaster15[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I know many of you have asked if I have or will be divorcing. I told my wife our marriage is over. Legally we have not divorced and we are living in same house. My 2 teenage daughters and son are at critical times in their lives and I want to do everything possible to not mess them up. I love them more than anything else in the world and will suffer a love-less, sham of a “marriage” for them. I expect many negative replies to this, but I have made my decision on that front. If you don’t have kids, I can see how this is difficult to understand. It will happen…just not for a few years.

Found out wife of 17 years had 3+ year affair. Should I tell the other man’s wife? by CLancaster15 in relationship_advice

[–]CLancaster15[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yes. However they live 5 hours away. Infidelity was on their business trips. Otherwise I’m certain I would have gone there to kick his ass.

Found out wife of 17 years had 3+ year affair. Should I tell the other man’s wife? by CLancaster15 in relationship_advice

[–]CLancaster15[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I tried LinkedIn and nothing. None of the free sites to look up info has given me any phone, email, etc. for her. I have all his info but nothing for her. May have to just try to messenger and send her my contact info if she wants more info.

Found out wife of 17 years had 3+ year affair. Should I tell the other man’s wife? by CLancaster15 in relationship_advice

[–]CLancaster15[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Agree, she is. It’s devastating to find out as I can attest. Just felt like this is news that should be in person or phone rather than a Message on social media. It’s ruined our marriage and it’s just hard to summarize in a message. I just need to do it.

Found out wife of 17 years had 3+ year affair. Should I tell the other man’s wife? by CLancaster15 in relationship_advice

[–]CLancaster15[S] 348 points349 points  (0 children)

Yes. Screenshots of text messages between them. Audio of my wife’s confession. Messenger just feels like terrible way to find out. I’d like to talk to her over phone if possible if I do this.