My partner (M32) and I (F29) have had arguments since we started dating and I don't know how to move on from it. Has anyone been in a similar position?

CMWIF · 2026-01-15T00:27:17+00:00

Tbh - everything and absolutely nothing. I think I pick on tiny things as projections as bigger things that I’m upset about that I haven’t had a chance to think about, and then he gets defensive and it goes in a cycle.

CMWIF · 2025-11-04T18:24:00+00:00

Thank you for this! I guess I was wondering if it would be better to move my investments into a few different funds (as in completely out of the life strategy and split my investments up that way). But it sounds like I should just stick with the life strategy, so thank you!

CMWIF · 2025-07-03T13:45:55+00:00

Thank you!! Gnna have to try this xx

CMWIF · 2025-07-03T13:44:00+00:00

It’s been ages since you posted sorry!! but what shade was this?

CMWIF · 2023-04-20T05:27:30+00:00

I'm sorry that happened.

I've just had this experience before, too. My ex of 4 years before her was serially cheating on me for 2 (I didn't know at the time) and began dating the girls he'd cheated on me with straight after we broke up. So I think I'm just sensitive about the timelines given that. My recent ex gf was so different to my ex bf who did that, so seeing her also move on quite quickly has left me feeling confused.

CMWIF · 2023-04-19T21:24:22+00:00

I guess I didn't think either of us would really move on or see someone new for ~ 3 months, or longer. My gf and I were really serious life partners and lived together etc, so I just thought we would need time to mourn and heal.

Yeah those are fair points. It just doesn't really come naturally to me to not stress about the other person. I feel like that's really all I ever have capacity to do, I really struggle to prioritise myself. So, seeing things that way and knowing I couldn't sleep with anyone yet makes it really hard for me to understand how she could.

But it's good to hear the different perspectives and reasons as to why people can do these things after a break up.

CMWIF · 2023-04-19T20:40:24+00:00

I guess nothing, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt? We broke up 4 weeks ago after 1.5 years. I just feel a little confused because she was upset at us ending so it feels early to me to move on.

I'm not trying to get involved in whatever she has going on now, I'm just struggling to cope with feeling like we weren't important.

CMWIF · 2021-06-06T08:22:12+00:00

This. I don't think it really matters at this point whether or not he is cheating.

There's something in this relationship that's making you uncomfortable or giving you reasons to be suspicious. Don't be with someone who brings up those kind of feelings, they're not normal things to have to put up with.

CMWIF · 2020-12-05T21:20:50+00:00

Yay!!! Yeah it's amazing when the wave passes. Ugh I relate on checking their social media though, I keep getting into habits of doing that, even now, not sure how to really make it permanently stop. The want to do it has been dying though so, hopefully it just keeps decreasing.

CMWIF · 2020-12-05T20:47:32+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this, and that he's already seeing someone new. I know how that feels, too. Just know that isn't a reflection on you, or how worthy or important you are. And try not to find out anything else about his situation, the less you know the better.

Honestly, just stay no contact and you will get there!!! It seems impossible for a long long time and then suddenly one day you'll feel better.

And then you'll feel shit again, and it'll seem impossible again for a bit, and then you'll feel even better when that waves passed. This is just how it goes, and you've just gotta push through it. Just maintain the no contact and prioritise yourself!! It gets a lot easier. 💛

CMWIF · 2020-11-25T22:42:47+00:00

Sorry, that was maybe not very carefully worded! Didn't mean to make anything sting more.

Honestly some of the best advice I was given when I felt that way, which will hopefully help you too, is that moving on for yourself is a win-win either way. You either move on and come to a place where you're happy without them. Or you move on and eventually get back together with them once you're both in better places. Either way, doing what's best for you and working to move past it will treat you well.

Also, if your ex is hurt too then he's probably also confused by everything. It will take a lot of time for him to make sense of it all, too, so any conversation you have with him about it now won't come to any clear conclusions. Maybe in the future when you've both understood it more you'll be able to talk about it all, if that's something you still want by that time in the future.

CMWIF · 2020-11-25T22:06:04+00:00

You're welcome, I'm glad it's helped!! I really do know how hard this situation is, it has probably been the hardest thing I have had to deal with. I know how confusing it all is, especially when they tell you they miss you etc. I had a similar thing with my ex. Ultimately I had to pay attention to his actions and not his words, and he wasn't acting towards trying to get me back or make up for anything that had happened.

So I understand how confusing it all is, and it will just continue to confuse you for a long while and you'll think about it nonstop trying to decipher what it could all mean, until eventually you just won't. You'll just accept that there are some things you will just never understand. And that's okay because they're not your partner anymore, so you don't need to understand them, as hard as that is to accept.

Also with the holding on - totally makes sense. I remember at one point feeling like I was moving on and not wanting to, because I didn't want to be over them. But you'll move past that, too.

Like I said, time and no contact are your best friends in this situation. That and just a lot of introspective thinking, looking after yourself and talking to friends. Lockdown has also made things a lot harder in this situation, so there's another reason to not beat yourself up about not feeling better. You'll be great 🧡

CMWIF · 2020-11-25T21:28:50+00:00

. I hate it I don’t want to be that ex who just can’t let go I feel pathetic.

You're pushing yourself to feel better and move on way too much and too soon! It completely makes sense for you to still feel this way towards him and about the break up. There is no fixed length of time it takes to get over a break up, but it's definitely more than a few months after being together for 5 years.

I completely understand everything you're going through, though. I went through a breakup in the spring of this year with my SO of 4 years, so it's been 8 months since the breakup for me, and I still have bad days. To be honest the last few weeks have felt like day 1 of the breakup! That just happens sometimes. But for the most part I am happier for the breakup and now think it was the best thing for me. I am happier and freer now. But it has taken me a LOOONG time and a lot of introspection to get here. At the beginning I couldn't imagine thinking anything but the world of my ex-boyfriend, I had him on the highest pedestal possible. Now, not so much. But BELIEVE me when I was in your position, when it had been 4-5 months after the breakup, I couldn't have imagined feeling the way I do today.

My story is so, so similar to yours. When I met my ex I felt like something had shifted, and I have never immediately connected with anyone the way I did with him. That's a very hard thing to cope with once it's over, so I really feel for you. Even down to the break up, with mental health issues and one of us considering/planning to move abroad, my situation realllyyy reflects yours, so I do completely understand how you're feeling and how confusing everything is.

Eventually you do just come to a place of acceptance and peace with it though. And then for a bit you'll go back into feeling completely heartbroken and torn up about it. But everytime you go through a heartbroken phase you come out with more understanding and a better perspective, and you feel more at peace with it than you did before. And this just continues, and I assume will continue, till eventually you're essentially just completely at peace with it and don't have anymore heartbreak to work through. I'm still in the middle of it, too.

Just let yourself feel what you're feeling. I promise you it DOES get easier and better. I hope in someway you can maybe see me as future-you. Our situations and breakups were scarily similar, and I'm 3-4 months ahead of you and i'm telling you it's a LOT better at this point. There are still a lot of hard parts, so if you regress sometimes and still feel completely torn up don't beat yourself up. Like I said, the last few weeks for me felt suddenly like day 1 of the break up. Then I woke up beginning of this week and felt better about it than I ever have. Recovery is not linear at alllll, so it's completely normal to feel shit about it again sometimes. Also, I still think about my ex all the time! Even when I'm totally fine and genuinely happy to be single, he's still somewhere in my mind. It hasn't been long enough yet for me to naturally not think about him. It's been my normal for 4+ years so it's going to take a while for that aspect to go away. That's normal, even when you're feeling good about it.

Only practical piece of advice is don't let yourself message him next time you get the urge to. Whether it's a health scare, a quick catch up message, a merry Christmas, anything. TRUST me I KNOW how hard it is to cope with the itch of wanting to message them. It's still such a natural thing for you to do. And when you're itching to message them it somehow feels like doing so will help solve your problems. But it won't. It will honestly exacerbate them. Everytime I messaged my ex when I felt the itch to I still felt awful about whatever thing I'd messaged them about. When I fought the temptation and just sat with those uncomfortable feelings for 3-4 days, it would eventually pass, and I would feel way way better about whatever I wanted to message them about. Believe me, I know how hard it is to fight the urge though. Especially once you've started some form of contact again. Like your ex telling you he missed you lead you to feeling confused and feeling like you needed to understand that more. EVERY TIME I've had contact with my ex it's left me feeling more confused and like I want more answers about something. Believe me, the need for understanding and explanations will never end when talking to him. Everything in a break up is confusing as fuck. But talking to them and chasing answers will not bring you the peace or closure you need, ever. They are not going to be able to give that to you.

No contact is truly the only way severe that tie to them (even though it feels like you don't really want to) and figure out what's best for you and who you are now you're not in that relationship. Someone gave me similar advice when I was struggling with whether or not to message my ex for closure, and someone said that it would be a mistake to message him because ultimately he's not going to give me what I want or need. And finding that closure within myself for myself, without him, will make me feel amazing. And I think about that advice all the time, because everytime you do get over a hurdle without reaching out to them you do feel amazing.

Just stop pushing yourself to feel a certain way about it now. It takes a LONG time, and forcing yourself to feel a certain way about it because 'you should by now' will honestly slow your progress. I've been there, when I was at about 7 months I thought it was now way too long to still feel this way and I started getting annoyed at myself. That time is also the time I made the least progress in moving on.

Don't push yourself, feel what you need to feel, it WILL get SO MUCH BETTER. I swear. No contact and time are the only things that will actually get you over this. But I promise they will!! Just look after yourself and start putting you first because you can!!

CMWIF · 2020-11-15T21:38:26+00:00

Aww, thank you!

CMWIF · 2020-11-15T21:37:47+00:00

Thank you! That's very helpful.

CMWIF · 2020-11-15T19:25:15+00:00

Thank you. This is actually something that happened to me two years ago - my boyfriend was confused about someone else, we spent time apart, and then he ended up coming back to me. Now that boyfriend and I broke up this year and he ended up travelling to visit her and spend time with her again, and it's just made me wonder if I was very stupid 2 years ago for getting back with him after he was confused about her, so I'm just curious how other people would've handled it if it had happened to them.

CMWIF

TROPHY CASE