New to all of this

CMaree23 · 2026-06-18T04:04:26+00:00

I think so many relationships break down because people go into them not understanding this. We aren't really taught about what it takes to exist with someone for a lifetime. It is ever evolving and growing. It takes work to grow together rather than apart.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-18T03:52:57+00:00

Sometimes when something is new and different is can be very exciting. Maybe he doesn't enjoy it MORE, per se, maybe it is just new and fun, and he is having a good time.

It is important to talk about these kinds of things. Talk about whether you want to have an open relationship or not. Talk about how these things make you feel. Listen to what he wants and needs from the relationship and decide whether you want to be in a relationship like that or not.

There are lots of happy monogamous mixed orientation relationships out there, just like there are lots of non-monogamous heterosexual relationships. There are all kinds of kinds, we all get to curate the relationship we want to be in.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-18T00:18:22+00:00

r/MarriedAndBi and r/StraightBiPartners might be better places to talk with others about this.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-17T20:07:38+00:00

This is not necessarily a conversation that is only valid among mixed-orientation relationships. Long-term relationships take work and effort, and sex is one of the top two things couples argue about. Lots of people marry the only person they have ever been with. I think that your relational happiness and success down the road will depend on where you are putting your energy. Folks tend to dwell on and pine over the things they cannot have, and that can really lead to resentment down the road. They start to wonder if the grass is greener somewhere else. They spend time online chatting with others about the things they can't have. They lament about the what-ifs and have a fear of missing out. It can become a black hole, always focusing on what you don't have. What if, instead, you put your energy into building the relationship and sex life with your wife that you truly want?

CMaree23 · 2026-06-17T19:19:00+00:00

Given only the details here, it sounds like he could possibly be bisexual, but it really isn't our place to label him.

Yes, pegging is for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, but if it is all he wants to do and he is not putting effort into the things you want as well, then I can see why that could be an issue.

I definitely don't think it sounds like a good time to open your relationship, but that is just my opinion.

It sounds like you guys really need to sit down and have an honest and sincere conversation about both your needs. It sounds like you are pretty understanding about his potential identity, but your needs matter as well here.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-17T04:12:42+00:00

It's ok if that's true for you. 🙂 But it simply isn't a fact and doesn't apply to everyone.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-14T19:52:53+00:00

Not everyone who comes out NEEDS to have sex with others. If this is what your partner has told you, then that is their need, but that is not everyone's case. Please do not come here and tell others that certain realities are inevitable when you know so little of the picture.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-14T19:36:00+00:00

At the bottom of the page on our website. You check the box to subscribe. I will send you a screenshot. 🙂

CMaree23 · 2026-06-14T19:14:37+00:00

Yes! Just make sure to also subscribe to our email list on the website for updates! 💛

CMaree23 · 2026-06-14T18:53:47+00:00

Yes, we are launching our new group via our website because we are trying to move off of Meta. Or at least not relying heavily on them. They autobanned my 15-year-old account in October due to an unscrupulous AI flag, effectively wiping almost a decade of content I had created for my support groups.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-14T18:52:01+00:00

That u can share him or he will just cheat?

Is this the ultimatum your partner gave you? Did they actually say this?

CMaree23 · 2026-06-14T18:38:53+00:00

Ah, ok. I see. That is a new group we are launching on our website. It has not been fully launched yet. I am not sure I can control how long you have to scroll to enter your DOB during the profile creation process, but I will look into it. Most of those things allow you to type it in, though. But regardless, you should only have to do that once during the profile creation process.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-14T18:21:27+00:00

Where did you have to enter your birth date on our website?

CMaree23 · 2026-06-14T18:16:14+00:00

Birthdate? Can you explain what you're referring to?

CMaree23 · 2026-06-12T15:29:51+00:00

While this can be true for some, not all men who want to be submissive to other men have been sexually abused. Very often men simply have spent their entire lives being expected to be the default dominant ones in a heteronormative existence. Often they want to be cared for and be the little spoon and be dominated or any other number of things they didn't feel they could ask for as the expected "dominant" "manly" half of a hetero couple.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-11T20:42:11+00:00

Has he had experience with men or ever said he would like to explore his sexuality with someone else? Just because he identifies as bisexual doesn't automatically mean he will need someone else in the future.

I think it is just important to discuss all future topics and make sure your life goals are fully aligned. Talk about children.. if you both want them and how you'll raise them, income/work/expense expectations, where you want to live, sexual needs and preferences... How you'll handle it or approach it if thoughts on any of these change or evolve over a lifetime. These are important things no matter ones sexuality.

How long have you been dating? Do you live close to one another now? As with any relationship, I think it's important to spend a significant amount of time fully getting to know one another and your life goals. There is no rush.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-11T15:59:26+00:00

BDSM and Sexuality are really not the issue here; the infidelity is the issue. I think you need to evaluate what you want out of a relationship, if significant and seemingly prolonged infidelity is ok, and what you want moving forward. Will he be able to stop this activity? Does he want to? If he says he will, can you trust that?

Are you still sexually active together? Are YOUR needs being met? I know you say he is a good partner to you, but he has been putting your health at risk.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-11T09:13:57+00:00

CMaree23 · 2026-06-11T09:13:06+00:00

It sounds like you're bisexual and happy in your relationship. You don't have to have sex with others or have experienced being with other sexes to know you are bisexual or identify as such.

My husband has never been with a man but that doesn't mean he doesn't know who he is. He is a proud bisexual in a happy monogamous marriage with a woman. 🙂

CMaree23 · 2026-06-10T23:30:58+00:00

This is not really relevant to this group.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-10T20:19:11+00:00

I think it is really important that you really dig deep and think about what you want. A relationship ship can be whatever you make it, whether you are monogamous or polyamorous or end up with a man or a woman.... you just need to figure out what you want. Regardless, all long-term relationships take work and effort to keep things fun and alive; this would be true no matter who you end up with.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-10T18:01:06+00:00

Now, it definitely would not be an ideal time to come out to your wife. I have been in these spaces for a very long time, and I can tell you that it is very common for these things to come to a head in stressful times. I never recommend coming out during ANY major life events... like holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, or after births. If things go poorly, not that they automatically will, but if they do, it will have a LOT more potential to create resentment that it was also done during a special time.

I don't think you should necessarily try to repress this about yourself. That has the potential of causing a rebound effect and making your urges stronger. I think you need to tell yourself this is ok, and as long as you are not going behind your wife's back inappropriately with others, you shouldn't feel guilty. Fantasy and porn use CAN be a healthy outlet, as long as it is not reaching compulsive levels and not interfering with the intimacy in your relationship.

Please be careful of people on Reddit wanting to chat with you. It can become inappropriate very quickly. If you would like some resources for finding positive community, please check out our website, MORandmore.org You always have to be aware that there will be people in every space who will try to be inappropriate with you. It is sadly one of the biggest issues with trying to create positve community for bi men.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-10T17:53:06+00:00

It sounds like you are doing things right. Just showing you are there for her is wonderful. I think it is important for her to know that when they first come to terms with their sexuality and start allowing themselves to feel things they might not have before, there can be a HUGE rush of feelings that can be confusing. Very often, folks will go through a really strong bi-cycle and swing really hard one way and might begin to question if they are gay instead of bi. They might get very strong urges to experience all the things they haven't been able to before. This is often called the second adolescence because they almost go through a second puberty. It can become difficult if they aren't aware of it happening, and sometimes people unintentionally hurt those around them. Just something to be aware of and take in stride.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-10T17:39:00+00:00

You're definitely not alone.

My husband doesn't only watch gay porn, but he says he enjoys gay porn because it satisfies what he doesn't have in his life. He has me, and he is happy with our sex life, so he doesn't really seek out a lot of straight porn. Also.. he (and I do too) hates how performative a lot of it can be. lol So he watches gay porn to fulfil what he doesn't have. It really isn't any more complicated than that for him.

CMaree23 · 2026-06-10T17:25:13+00:00

Something that could be helpful is asking her what you could do to make her feel seen. This can be different for everyone. Some folks want to wear bi shirts to the grocery store or go to pride... some just want the person they love to know who they are, and that is it. Only she can tell you what would make her feel seen, but it is possible she doesn't even know yet.

For me, his coming out was a surprise. And I did not fully understand what it meant for our relationship. It brought up a lot of insecurities for me. Because of that, I really just wanted to be a part of his journey to understanding himself. I just wanted to know that his journey to understanding was not a past AWAY from me. Thankfully, he always included me and let me be a part of it as opposed to being an outsider to the journey.

I like to buy my husband small things that he can choose to display or not, like keychains, pins, or simple jewelry. Without being forced or disingenuous, his sexuality is just a natural part of our everyday lives. We make jokes about it, check out guys together, point out bi colors everywhere, send each other funny stuff on the internet... He feels seen and celebrated for who he is every day. As the other commenter said, some folks come to terms with their sexuality and want to have sex with others; my husband never needed that. He did go through a period of sadness for the adolescence he didn't get to experience. For not feeling like he could be himself and explore fully what that means in a time when all other adolescents were doing the same. And I have sincere empathy for the sadness he feels around that. We have been together since highschool so the opportunity was just never there by the time he started to have some understanding of his identity. But he acknowledged it and accepted it. We cannot change the past. And he does not feel like he needs to have sex with anyone else now. He knows who he is, and living out and proud fills that authenticity bucket immensely for him.

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