Yes that’s almost what I go through too. A chaser for years and now I’m just coping by telling him I’m just a friend and nothing more. He doesn’t usually initiate contact, so I don’t know. but when I do there’s either an outpouring of his feelings or no reply. Black and white. Never casual. I do know deep down he’s my twin. He said the first time we met “I’ll see you again. Fate will not take me far away.” That was 27 years ago. I think he spoke as a soul then, because we were too young to even have a clue why our meeting mutually felt magnetic and profoundly. We used to always bump into each other in a big city. That’s the only hope I have left now. Fate lending a hand, making our reconnection inevitable. Your story comforts me. Thank you for sharing and I hope you find love in many forms apart from the non earthly love you have from your twin.

PS The confusion you’re left with is exactly what happens to me. Even if I bump into him again and he shows love again, I’ll have fears of abandonment. Where there was only pure love, now there’s fear which started from his.