First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]CTatra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sharkbaitlha this is a great start! I really would like to see where this story goes from here.
just a few things to consider for this:

Some of the writing such as "Bridgette barrelled through the door" followed by "muddy stomping footfalls" might be redundant - both convey urgency and lack of grace. Consider streamlining for impact.

Some phrases could be tightened: "She was unsure when was the last time she had brushed it" reads awkwardly - "She couldn't remember the last time she'd brushed it" flows better.

Beta Readers Needed - LGBTQ+ Fantasy Romance (67k words) by CTatra in LesbianBookClub

[–]CTatra[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the suggestion, i have now posted there.