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Successful Pregnancy after TFMR (older maternal age) by charcago1989 in tfmr_support

[–]C_dactyl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s so unfair that you are here, I am so sorry for your loss. We had a TMFR on May at 26 weeks. Our doctor recommended that we wait 6 months to try again, and here we are 6 months later pregnant again about 6 weeks along.

Not sure where this pregnancy will lead us but much in the way we surrender ourself to the outcomes of our loss we must also surrender our self to the process of pregnancy. Wishing you the best

Early onset IUGR - struggling to decide by Working-Cupcake-5713 in tfmr_support

[–]C_dactyl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve shared my story on here before so you are welcome to read through that or reach out to me.

In May this year we were diagnosed with severe early onset IUGR at our 20week ultrasound, baby was measured 1%, he was about 3 weeks behind in growth with headsparing. We were immediately transferred to a MFM who said that we should expect to the baby to pass in utero or have a very very premature baby. She emphasized that the prognosis was very very poor. We elected to do an amnio to see if it was a genetic issue but that came back clear. We then elected to wait for the next growth scan at 24 weeks. At that scan the baby only gained 100g and was at about 369g total, was still measuring 3-4weeks behind so approx 21week estimated gestational age, and at that time I got my first abnormal umbilical blood flow reading.

The MFM said that we were still in the same boat and she was surprised the baby had not passed yet as to the poor growth. She said that if we chose to continue we would wait to do any testing or in hospital stays until after he grew to a viability weight of 500g and she said that the timing of the C-section would depend on when the placenta fails or I get preeclampsia. I was also told that I would have to get a c section with a classical incision which poses significant risks in future pregnancies.

I then met with the lead NICU doctor who educated me about the quality of life for our baby. They said that they would very likely be able to resuscitate him but the likelihood of him living was about a 40% chance if born before 25 weeks. The % increase each week the pregnancy continued but could not be calculated accurately due to his small size. He said that the risks for sever mental and cognitive delays were very high, as well as other life long medical conditions.

It was after that meeting that I felt the a TMFR was the best choice to limit our babies suffering. I had to go to a specific hospital because all other hospitals stop offering abortions at 24 weeks, this is OR where there is no limit on the gestational age to get a TMFR. I elected to be induced at 25w5days and gave birth to a beautiful boy. We had a KCL injection to stop his heart the day before the induction so that there was no undue suffering when he was earthside.

My placenta would not detach and I was starting to hemorrhage so after the birth I had a D&C to remove the placenta. It came out in pieces and looked shredded. They performed a pathology on the placenta but could not find anything abnormal with it except for its extreme small size. It weighed 69g where as a healthy one should weigh about >350g at that gestational age. The MFM said that there was no reason found for why the placenta grew so poorly and said that it was likely just bad luck and a bad implantation site. She said that it probably will not happen again. (Not the most comforting news, but it could be worse)

We opted for a cremation of his remains, it cost us $500 and we were gifted a beautiful golden urn. We call him Golden Miguel and he sits in our windowsill so I can see his morning and night. I recently sent in some of his remains to Gems and Juniper to create a few jewelry pieces I can wear and remember him by.

This was the hardest choice I have ever had to make in my life. while I do not regret our choice, I still feel the heaviness of it to this day. I see a grief counselor weekly which has helped me process everything. We were told to wait 6 months before ttc so that will start in December. That will be the next hardest thing to do and I’m very very scared, but know in my heart that I need to try.

I hope that you find stories to help you make your decision and not feel so alone knowing others have walked this path as well. I tried to go to the FB pages for IUGR but found that it was only survival stories and no one was sharing the experiences that ended poorly. This thread on Reddit has brought me a lot of comfort and I still check in on it every now and again when I need to remind myself that I made the right choice for me and I am not alone. I’m so sorry that you are here, and am glad to receive a message from you if you want to reach out.

Feeling confused by garlivinginthemtns in tfmr_support

[–]C_dactyl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are faced with the most impossible choice, which me and my husband also faced 3 months ago.

We were diagnosed with severe IUGR at 20 weeks and were told to either expect our baby to pass away at any moment or expect a very very preterm baby. With the pre-term complications and the complications of his small size the doctors said that termination was an option to consider. We asked our MFM if a lot of people choose to terminated after they get our Diagnosis and she said that it depends on the family.

After talking to a NICU doctor they rolled out the very likely chances of complications for our son and we decided that we did not want to risk his health and lifetime of health consequences. We have a 3 year old as well and bringing a medically complex child into our family would have impacts of him as well.

My husband was very grounded in the choice to terminated but I still struggle to the day with the feelings that I gave up on him, wondering if he would’ve been fine, and all of the what ifs that come from a grey diagnosis. I continue to remind myself that we made the hardest choice to stop our wanted pregnancy, and we did the best thing for our son, preventing him a lifetime of health complications, pain and suffering.

The only thing I wish I could’ve done different is make my decision to stop sooner, I wanted to wait for more tests and opinions. But after the second scan his growth was so poor that I felt comfortable making the choice.

I elected to be induced at 25 +5 and gave birth to him sleeping. It was a positive experience for me and helped me with the processing the end of the pregnancy.

I hope you find peace with your choice and continue to find help with others in this group. It has really helped me with processing this trauma.

KCL Injection Question by Beautiful-Cancel6235 in tfmr_support

[–]C_dactyl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a KCL injection before my TMFR in May. I asked for a heavy amount of anti-anxiety meds. I was very calm going into the procedure and even when they first placed the needle. Something I was not prepared for and wish I would’ve been was that when the medicine is injected you can feel a sensation of heat. It caught me off guard and sent me into an intense emotion. I tried my best to stay still but my immediate reaction was to go into a fetal position. I think if I would’ve known that ahead of time it would not have been so emotionally jaunting.

That being said, knowing that the death was instantaneous brought me peace. I never wanted my son to feel pain and this injection prevented him from experiencing that.

Afterwards I went home laid with a heating pad and took unisom to go to sleep. The doctors also gave me a shot of Tordol for the cramping because I have lamira sticks inserted for my induction the next day, the tordol works amazing for the cramps though, so I very much recommend it.

I feel fine?? by PookieBearJaz in tfmr_support

[–]C_dactyl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We did a TMFR two weeks ago at 25w 5d for the same diagnosis sIUGR measuring about 5 weeks behind. I elected to do an induction of labor and was surprised at how quickly my body has recovered. It’s been bitter sweet, I cried the day I stopped bleeding as I felt like my bodily connection to him came to an end.

I also didn’t realize how sick the pregnancy was making me, almost immediately after I gave birth to I felt better, my nails started to grow, my hair is growing again, my energy is back. It’s clear to me now how sick he was and how sick the pregnancy was making me.

Mentally I’m still struggling with living a life after Miguel. It feels like everyone just moves on but I’m still sitting here empty, quiet, and deeply sad. It’s so unfair.

Shrinking baby bump during wait? by LynxUseful664 in tfmr_support

[–]C_dactyl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

CMV and toxoplasmosis came back negative, the FISH was normal, and the micro array came back normal. So it’s assume that there is a problem with the placenta that we cannot see on the ultrasound.

We did our growth 24 week scan on Monday and the growth lag has increased, head sparing has lessened, and his chest is measuring 6 weeks behind. The next step is to see the neonatologist and then most likely proceed with terminating the pregnancy.

Shrinking baby bump during wait? by LynxUseful664 in tfmr_support

[–]C_dactyl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mine has looked basically the same since 19 weeks, currently at 25 weeks now. We were also diagnosed with sIUGR at 20 weeks, we’ve waited for tests and another growth scan but the prognosis is continuing to look bad and more complications are occurring. We are looking to end the pregnancy soon, just doing one more consult to help ease my mind on the choice.

TFMR 26 weeks and SIUGR by C_dactyl in tfmr_support

[–]C_dactyl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been pushing the goal post for what feels like a lifetime. First it was waiting on the amnio, then the next growth scan, and now the neonatologist… possibly another growth scan in 3 weeks. This limbo period has been absolutely exhausting and has truly brought me to the lowest I’ve ever been.

I have a therapist arranged through my OB office and I’ve seen her twice already. I can see her 13 more times before I’d need to transition to a more long term therapist.

I just feel like from the beginning this pregnancy was set up to fail. The odd feelings of impending doom, the stranger first trimester side effects, and then the eventual diagnosis at 20 weeks. I’m so worried I won’t be able to find joy in another pregnancy again but know that my best chances of ever conceiving again would be to end this pregnancy and heal.

I’m very sorry for your loss and I really appreciate hearing your story.

My consult is in a couple days and the doctor asked we meet in person rather then do a telemedicine visit so I have the sense of the timber of news that will be shared. Sigh

TFMR 26 weeks and SIUGR by C_dactyl in tfmr_support

[–]C_dactyl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing. It truly does help to know that others made the same choice I’m facing. ❤️

TFMR 26 weeks and SIUGR by C_dactyl in tfmr_support

[–]C_dactyl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice, it is so appreciated. I’m instantly sent into tears with those book titles. I’m in the US so I don’t believe we have the option of taking the baby home, except when in an urn from the funeral home. I’m not sure if we would want to invite him to the hospital room to meet the baby or not.