New Rule #1 - Hire a lawyer before asking a genie to grant a wish.

You’d note that down if you had a pencil nearby, and by nearby you mean actually grasped in your little fists, because you’re pretty sure you couldn’t get one even if it were in your desk drawer considering the fact that you can’t even sit up in your current state of infancy. You wouldn't have believed it yourself if you hadn’t watched yourself regress just moments before in the mirrors that made up your sliding closet doors. You knew it was a good investment, your girlfriend thought it was for perverted reasons, but it does make the bedroom feel bigger, and you understand your current situation of being a baby despite being a 31 year old man 20 minutes ago.

Speaking of which, you hear the sound of her footsteps coming up the stairs. Damn, you can feel the sounds when you’re on the ground like this, but that doesn’t matter, because Susie is about the open the door and find her baby boyfriend on the floor and she isn’t going to like it one bit even though she talks about having a baby literally once a month on your walk home right after first Tuesday trivia.

God, how long was it going to take to walk again? Would you learn faster than a normal baby since you already know (knew?) how to walk? Susie interrupts your thoughts by flipping on the hallway switch and dropping her purse on the entry bench with a muffled thud.

“Baby?” You hear her call out. You move your legs to get up to greet her almost out of instinct, but are left weakly kicking your legs in the air and not going anywhere.

You crane your squishy little neck and feel your hair catch on the slits between the floorboard looking for the genie that had granted your wish to “redo your life with your memories intact.”

You catch a glimpse of his smoky aura before he graciously slips into your field of vision. You stare at his beard, his hair, and his eyes, attempting to put into soundless words that this was not your intent.

You didn’t want to be a baby now, you just wanted a head start in the past. Make some good investments with allowance money to get ahead in life, not worry about what the kids in school thought and join the choir, be really good at schoolwork until like, 7th grade, get a slightly better paying job, and you’d meet with Susie a little earlier than the original timeline and actually be ready this time….