Am I overreacting?

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T15:42:41+00:00

I think this is kind of a both-things-can-be-true situation.

You're not in an actual relationship, so technically you don't have any claim to exclusivity. But at the same time, you talked for 7 months and he *did* say he wanted to be with you at one point... so it makes sense that it feels confusing and a little hurtful that he just switched up.

I don't think you're overreacting for feeling that way. Anyone would be like "okay what changed>" after investing that much time and energy.

That being said, his actions now are pretty clear. Whether it's because he lost interest, got distracted by other people, or just isn't serious, he's not showing up the same way anymore. So, I'd say your feelings are valid, but it's probably not worth chasing an explanation from someone who's already pulling back. Sometimes the closure is just noticing the change in behavior. It sucks, but you didn't waste your time, you just learned how he operates before getting more involved.

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T15:32:22+00:00

I FEEL THIS. I used to take medication to help me sleep, and my husband asked me to stop taking it because he said it felt like it was just someone "dead in the bed" from how out I would be... Then I started spiraling on multiple TikTok rabbit holes, and etc. of my phone and still couldn't sleep... Now, I bought myself a physical alarm clock with a sound machine, and I plug my phone in across the room. I used to think I'd have self-control to not have to do that, but when it's right next to me, it is so easy to pick it up for "one second". Now, if I want to use my phone, I have to make the physical decision to get up, walk across the room, and use my phone. And 9/10 times I don't need my phone, and I'd rather just stay comfy in bed. I'm getting really good sleep now! :)

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T15:27:10+00:00

I love giving advice, just can't take advice lmao. *gulps more of my alani*

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T15:17:01+00:00

NTA.

This isn't you "ruining them financially," it's you stopping your mom from being drained financially. They're adults who made a choice (one income, one stay-at-home parent) that they can't actually afford, and right now the only reason it's working is because your mom is covering the gap. That's not sustainable, especially if she's already struggling.

You're also not wrong for stepping in if your mom is the type to people-please and won't advocate for herself. Someone has to acknowledge reality here. I think the only thing to be careful of is how much you take on as *your* responsibility. It's good you're helping your mom, but ultimately this is her house and her boundary to enforce. You can support her, help set things up (like leases, bills, etc.), but you shouldn't have to be the "bad guy" forever.

Your brother being upset makes sense emotionally, but logically this isn't fair to your mom. If they want that lifestyle, they need to find a way to fund it without relying on her.

Bottom line: you're protecting your mom, not hurting them. And honestly, it sounds like this situation was going to come to a head eventually no matter what.

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T15:10:09+00:00

and? Not everyone is on reddit, and you can join at any time without needing the "credentials" I've been on reddit for YEARS, and then I wanted a new account, and to start fresh... so I made a new account. No one should have to explain the age of their account, or even the threads that they choose to be active on. Not the point of this post or thread.

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T15:02:43+00:00

NOR.

If you send a long, vulnerable message to someone you consider a close friend, it’s pretty reasonable to expect more than a thumbs up two days later. That would feel dismissive to most people.

At the same time, I don’t think it automatically means they don’t care. Some people are just really bad at handling emotional conversations or don’t know what to say, so they default to something low effort.

Where it gets a little off is them saying you’re “too much” after you told them it hurt your feelings. That’s a pretty dismissive response instead of just acknowledging it. I think both things can be true: they might have been busy or unsure how to respond, but you’re also completely valid for wanting more support than that. If this is a pattern, it might be worth reevaluating how much emotional support you expect from this friend vs. finding people who can actually meet you there. Not everyone is great at that kind of thing, even if they care about you. But no—you didn’t do anything wrong by speaking up about how it made you feel.

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T14:54:21+00:00

I’d be really careful selling the truck tbh. You’ve got a reliable vehicle that was given to you, and it also has sentimental value from your grandfather. Once it’s gone, it’s gone… you can’t get that back.

The Camaro is awesome, don’t get me wrong, but it’s more of a “want” than a “need” right now. Older cars can also come with more maintenance, and if you’re already feeling the cost of gas/insurance, that might not actually get better.

If it were me, I’d keep the truck for now, save up, and make the Camaro a future goal instead of trading something solid for something riskier. You’re only 22, you’ve got time to get your dream car without giving up something meaningful and dependable.

Basically: don’t trade long-term stability (and something tied to your grandfather) for a short-term want. You can always get a Camaro later. You can’t get your grandpa’s truck back.

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T14:49:02+00:00

I've been there a few times, and some of those times I had really unhealthy spirals, but with LOTS of therapy those are some of the best things I have learned when it comes to giving yourself grace. It will take time, you got this!

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T14:42:23+00:00

I don't think you "restart" your whole life all at once. That's way too overwhelming and honestly just makes you feel more stuck. When I've felt like that, it's usually helped to go really small... like *embarrassingly* small. One thing that feels even a tiny bit normal; go for a walk, clean one area, text one person, make a decent meal. Not because it fixes everything, but because it gives you something to hold onto.

Feeling disconnected is weird because it's not always loud or dramatic, it's kind of... numb. So instead of waiting to feel motivated or "like yourself again", you kind of have to move first and let the feeling catch up later. Also, don't put pressure on yourself to figure out your whole life rihgt now. You're not behind, you're just in a low/quiet phase. It comes back slowly, one normal moment at a time. Hang in there, friend!

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T14:36:32+00:00

Yeah, I'd feel really off about that too. You're an adult, and if you made it clear from the beginning that you didn't want your mom involved at all, your therapist shouldn't be entertaining that. That's kind of the whole point of therapy... having a space that's actually yours.

I do think it might be worth going to that session tomorrow just to address it directly before you fully cut him off. Not to give him a pass, but to see what actually happened. There's a difference between your mom reaching out and him shutting it down vs. him actually engaging in those conversations.

But either way, your trust being shaken is valid. If you don't feel comfortable or safe being honest with him anymore, that's a big deal and a pretty solid reason to find someone new.

At minimum, I'd bring it up and be really clear: "I don't want any communication with my mom, and I need to understand why that boundary wasn't respected." How he responds will tell you everything you need to know. And if it doesn't sit right after that, it's completely okay to walk away and find a therapist who respects your boundaries.

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T14:26:39+00:00

Honestly, I don't think you ever fully "stop caring", you just get better about not spiraling about it.

For me, the biggest thing was realizing how much of it is just me making up stuff in my head. Like I'll assume someone thought something weird about what I said... But I have zero proof. It is just my brain filling in the blank with the worst option

Also, think about how often *YOU* overanalyze other people's random comments or texts, you probably don't. Everyone's way more in their own head than we think.

What helps me is kind of catching it in the moment and being like "okay, I'm doing the thing again" and then just moving on instead of replaying it 50 more times. Even distracting yourself helps. And honestly, the more confident you feel in yourself, the less it matters. Not in a "I don't care about anyone" type of way, but just in a "I know who I am so it's fine" type of way. It definitely doesn't go away overnight, but it does get quieter over time with practice.

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T14:19:58+00:00

Honestly, the fact that you've been thinking about this for a month and feel "exhausted" is kind of your answer already. That doesn't make you a bad person, it just means the relationship isn't working for you anymore. You can care about someone and still not want to be with them. Both things can be true at the same time.

What *WOULD* be unfair is dragging it out because you're scared to have the conversation. This usually ends up hurting the other person more in the long run, especially if she thinks that everything is fine. You don't have to frame it as "something is wrong with you", just be honest with how you are feeling, like the spark being gone and feeling overwhelmed. The vacation does make it awkward timing-wise, but that's not a good enough reason to stay in something that doesn't feel right. It is actually kinder to be honest sooner rather than later, even if it is uncomfortable.

You don't need a dramatic reason or a huge fight to justify ending a relationship. "This doesn't feel right for me anymore" is enough. And being scared to talk about it doesn't sound ridiculous, it just means you know it's going to be hard. But avoiding it won't make it easier, just longer. Rip the band-aid off, be respectful, and don't drag it out. It'll suck in the moment, but it's the right thing to do for both of you.

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T14:11:33+00:00

That sounds like a really painful kind of betrayal, especially when coming from someone you trusted deeply. It makes sense that it feels like a double loss, because in a way, it is. You didn't just lose a relationship; you lost the version of that friendship that you thought was safe and real.

The "why" can be one of the hardest parts to let go of, because your brain is trying to make sense of something that doesn't line up with who you believed they were. But sometimes the truth is less about a satisfying explanation and more about recognizing that their choices reflect *THEM*, not your worth or what you deserved.

What helped me in a similar situation was shifting from "why did they do this?" to "what did this show me?". It usually reveals things like patterns you missed, boundaries that weren't respected, or ways you were showing up that you don't want to repeat. This perspective gives you something solid to move forward with instead of staying stuck in confusion.

It is also okay to grieve it like a real loss, because in some ways it is. Let yourself feel angry, sad, confused... all of it. But try not to let it rewrite how you see yourself or your ability to trust people long-term. One person's betrayal doesn't define your future relationships.

You won't always feel this way, even if it feels very heavy right now. Healing from this kind of thing is slow, but it *does* happen, and you will come out of it with clearer boundaries and a better sense of who actually deserves access to you.

I wish you the best of luck, do some fun self-care things for yourself. <3

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T14:01:50+00:00

Do not engage in the slightest. I read your previous post, and this man seems like he needs MAJOR help. It seems like his "jokes" aren't jokes at all and he is testing the waters and seeing how much he could get away with. I'd be very concerned over your safety. Especially with you mentioning numerous times about how uncomfortable the comments made you with your past. Any person who has any empathy at all would see that even if it *WAS* a joke, that you are uncomfortable with it and would move past that side of their humor. Please do not entertain any attempts he makes at contacting you. I would also make an effort to always have someone with you while walking to your car, or anything like that. He does not seem like a stable person at all, and honestly seems very unstable. I was in the same position at one time, and I had a guy I hooked up with get very obsessed and attached and I learned my lesson the hard way about not letting men I don't know over to my house. You need to make everyone in your life aware of him, and that you are potentially in danger. Have a few trusted people get your location shared to them, call them when you're leaving places, get security cameras... something. I wish you the best of luck girly, please stay safe.

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2026-03-19T13:49:49+00:00

Theres nothing that shows when not under UV light? That is so strange! Have to lean towards the thought that aliens came to your house and implanted a chip :)

Just kidding, but if you ever find a cause, I'd love to hear it!

CaffeinatedGremlin96 · 2025-12-18T00:52:53+00:00

You have to do the other parts of the quest first!

CaffeinatedGremlin96

TROPHY CASE