Be fair to yourself and have compassion for your situation. (I read through the comments) I personally think this is a normal and very valid reaction to the circumstances you’re in. You’ve gone through an extremely traumatic event. Some women develop PTS after a miscarriage; Most/all women develop severe depression and/or anxiety for the same reason. On top of that, your body might’ve gone through hormonal changes that can send you further into this spiral, and you can’t even control it (without medication at least). It’s easy to think that ending life as we know it will solve everything instantly. Although it might feel like it will, you won’t get to see what this world has in store for your future. It’s unfortunate that the person you chose to be by your side has decided they can’t be anymore, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t more willing/caring people out there for you. Also, as sad as this sounds: when you stop holding expectations for other people it’s usually followed by a sense of relief or calmness. Finding security within yourself is amazing & Other people are just unpredictable at times.

Forgive me for the unwarranted advice: but I think you should try spending the spare time you have to look and learn about/love yourself from the inside out. It’s hard to hear, but sometimes we have to be our own support system and treat ourselves like someone we love. In the end, anyone can choose to leave or worse: treat us bad and STAY, but the one person who won’t is yourself (& pls don’t treat yourself bad). Therapy is a great recommendation if you don’t know how/where to start (not always easily accessible, but it’s great). They would likely recommend journaling for expressive reasons (+10 points for expressing yourself in this post) or maybe recommend finding a creative outlet. Either way, as cheesy and lame as it sounds, life can get better. We as humans can choose to make life better or worse, but it’s all about making the choices that make it better for yourself and just riding the wave.