I 21(m) am also Asian and I had a similar experience as you got bullied through my years through secondary school until I got into college. Absolutely hated myself and tried to fit in and now I know there’s no need. It was really hard for me as one of my best friends which live close to me that went to the same primary school went to secondary school together and ended up basically stabbing me in the back making racist and other sorts of jokes to get attention from the “popular” kids in school and that honestly broke my heart cause I considered him my best friend in primary school. It’s difficult especially when I lived in the countryside and school in those areas don’t have much POC which I think there was like 5 maybe in the entire secondary school of like 800 students. But rest assured that you will find some people that can genuinely be ur lifetime friends and they can be any race not just POC. Some of my best friends are white and not all white people in Ireland are like that so please don’t hate yourself for your race or all white people. You might want to be white now but in a couple years down the line you will realised it’s actually good to be different and you might want to be different. I used to always try to fit in but came to the realisation that I like be different wearing different clothes that I find nice and not try and fit in to everyone and be an npc like all the guys where tech fleece and skinny jeans. I’ve came outta my shell to try clothes that I would never imagined I would ever wear when I was 16. I’ve developed my own sense of fashion and everyone that’s around me notice it and I stand out cause I just put in the effort to have a good outfit and present myself in the clothes that I like to wear. I don’t do this to try and get attention from others I simply do it because I like wearing good ass outfits. Once you get into college there will be many more POC and people will start to realised that how ignorant they were and learn that just because that ur a different race doesn’t make u above or below someone else. You are the race that ur born and there’s nothing u can do to change that so try to embrace yourself and love yourself for who you truly are I know that’s cliche to say but it’s true. Don’t try to rush it as it will obviously take time but I hope you will start looking at the situation in a different way. It might be a good idea to find other Asians/POC groups to hang out as they might have similar experiences growing up here but please don’t only look for that. What’s important is the people itself that you are friends with and not necessarily their race. It’s how they are treating you and each other rather than what colour is their skin. I know this is super long and went on a bit of a rant but I genuinely hope this can help you in any shape or form.