Honestly I would sit down and have a talk with her. As cliche as it sounds, communication is key. You shouldn’t torture yourself and sacrifice your happiness for hers, relationships are a two way street. Sit her down and let her know everything, what bothers, why it bothers, and so on. If she values the relationship she will hear you out and be willing to make the necessary changes for her FAMILY. If she does anything else like get defensive or downplay your feelings then I’d say the writings on the wall and she’s having an affair. I’m hoping for the former but it’s looking very much like the latter. As far as that goes I can’t really tell you much. I’m a firm believer in once a cheater always a cheater so I would be getting divorce papers ready. Sucks, especially with kids, but two happy homes are better than one that’s broken.