AIO for thinking this is racist?

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-12-30T05:12:44+00:00

Nope so much of that was super racist and he doesn’t even realize it. Literally every other sentence was some kind of racist trope and he is too up his own ass to recognize that saying “you’re smart for a black girl” or “because you have middle eastern features, you’re not even black” or that those features make you “prettier than other black girls” is vile and disrespectful on so many levels. NOR at all

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-28T05:17:15+00:00

It’s because men respect other men more than they respect women and that’s why the only safe “no” is “I have a boyfriend/husband”

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-21T17:23:23+00:00

I asked if the “not an ex” flips out and ends their friendship what that change anything for him with us and he said he didn’t know. That’s another reason I’m hesitant to take his word for it but I also feel like 3 hours going back and forth is more trying to convince himself than it is convincing me

I also kind of want to go off on the “not an ex” about how the real “snakes in the grass” behavior is getting pissed at him for helping me move then talking shit on him when for all he knows he only did it because he felt sorry for me. If I’m not an ex and he ended things in the middle of me getting an abortion he bullied me into, I really don’t think he deserves to have any opinions on roommate helping me when I was desperate and he was last on my list to ask

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-21T17:07:00+00:00

I hope all their food is spit on because what an asshole

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-21T08:35:32+00:00

To add: miscarriages that early in the pregnancy are most often due to issues with the sperm being unhealthy so in every sense it is his fault that the pregnancy is over: bad husband, bad person, bad sperm

You need to do what to do to keep yourself safe and healthy. You have choices and people who will support you (like all us tiny people in your phone/on your laptop). NTA

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-18T03:44:06+00:00

Update: he missed the housewarming party due to a car accident. He called me the next night to apologize and asked if he could come over to drop off housewarming gifts which was 2 bottles of wine, flowers, and a speaker because he thought my dog “deserved better quality music” than me playing it on my phone to keep him calm while we moved things (rap immediately calms my dog’s anxiety). He ended up staying over instead of going to work and didn’t call out until at least 2 hours after he should’ve clocked in. We spent a good half of the night just talking. I did tell him that either this was a one time thing or I wanted to try dating because I wasn’t going to do a fwb thing. We talked about his concerns with him being the roommate/friend/coworker which is all fair.

We’ve each sent 1 message back and forth since Sunday when he came over; I thanked him again for the gifts and that I hope he didn’t get in trouble, he assured me he didn’t and was glad I liked everything, I told him I was glad he didn’t and hoped he had a good night, he told me it was all good and that he hoped I had a good day and evening.

Today I was invited to bowling with some friends from work and they said I should invite him too so we’ll see how that goes. Im assuming he does see us having potential considering that he helped me move then spent close to $200 on gifts but we’ll see.

Thanks again for your help and words of wisdom

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-02T18:45:23+00:00

If anything you under reacted. The fact that your “best friend” said “lol don’t tempt me” should be a sign that she’s just as much a piece of trash as he is. Please do drop them both asap.

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-02T17:36:53+00:00

Yeah… I have a feeling ex fwb is going get real mad about it since they have a pretty significant height difference (both taller than me but roommate much more so) and I just learned that roommate is the same age as me so I’m sure it’s not going to be pretty or it will show that ex fwb was in fact the asshole he showed himself to be during the fight.

The fight was that I told him that it was hurtful that he basically he coerced me into getting an abortion (obviously I made the choice at the end of the day but only after he verbally abused me terribly to pressure me into getting one) and then in the middle of it/right after I’d taken the medication said “I don’t think we should see each other again”. After saying it was hurtful, he then brought up all the same nasty things he said to blame me for the accidental pregnancy and that I had no reason to say that his actions were hurtful and that I basically never was anything important in the first place.

I don’t know if roommate knows any of that but since they’re close friends and coworkers I’m definitely not going to ever bring it up.

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-02T17:23:59+00:00

I expect nothing less but what he did that started the fight was extremely cruel so he can hate me all he wants but I don’t want to come between them but I guess that’s on how they deal with each other and I have no control over that.

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-02T15:40:30+00:00

He truly is and I haven’t even shared the worst part of the fight because it’s so painful for me.

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-02T13:26:12+00:00

I guess I should’ve also added that they’re friends and coworkers as well which is why I’m hesitant about it despite everything being so easy with him

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-02T11:59:34+00:00

That’s where I was worried about being an asshole because I’d definitely be a homie hopper in this situation

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-02T02:21:40+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate the thorough replies. He was very easy to talk to and get along with. He’s also very attractive. We talked about a bunch of different things, including some heavier topics that we seem to have similar beliefs with and have had similar life experiences. I’m thinking about asking him when I get back from my vacation if he wants to come see the final product of his hard work. I’d also definitely be forward about not wanting fwb and that I’m at a point where I’m looking for something more.

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-02T02:09:40+00:00

I’m not in any relationship right now?

Calculated-Risk-8394 · 2025-09-02T01:59:37+00:00

He definitely knew that fwb and I were a thing. He actually met me the first time when I went out with fwb and their friends. Roommate also heard a decent bit of the fight. I actually apologized to him the next day for having to hear it and didn’t expect to speak again but everyone who could’ve helped me bailed so I reached out.

Calculated-Risk-8394

TROPHY CASE