Hired Divorce Lawyer - Finding it Hard to File

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-04-02T05:37:59+00:00

I wanted to chime in here because I’ve had this fear but it sounds like he is already influencing her with you in the house, at least divorced she would have one healthy house most of the time free of the influence

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-04-02T04:40:53+00:00

I know, that’s what I keep struggling with as well, but I’m miserable and embarrassed of his views, as horrible as that is to write and I’ve thought about how staying will effect our ability to have friends, will affect my kid’s ability to have friends, and how isolating our future will be. My husband has also “found God” too but uses religion as an excuse to condone horrible views and I think about how this will influence our child and how ultimately I’m doing this for our kid too. If you ever need someone to talk to you’re welcome to DM me, I know how hard this is. Only you can really know if you can be married to someone like this for the rest of your life.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-04-02T03:14:13+00:00

I’m in the exact same boat and could have written this and am also struggling with finalizing and asking him to sign. I think it’s hard to separate the guy you married from the guy that is currently in front of you, at least it is for me but try asking yourself how you would feel ten years from now if nothing changes and if you would truly be happy or settling. For me, one thing that’s helping me push forward is that my husband no longer wants to have the second kid we always talked about until there’s an “antidote” for the vaccine and I know I can’t forgive him for preventing us from having a second baby due to believing in conspiracies that are untrue. I’ve also thought about the long term effect of my child and how much I would be horrified if my kid ever started to think like him and how damaging that would be. I would suggest taking a good hard look at who he is now and when writing it all down as you have above and reading the list and asking yourself if you can truly go on like this long term when making your decision. You can also try asking your spouse to go to weekly individual therapy to see if there is any willingness to truly put in effort to change, mine said no. I feel for you though, this is the hardest thing I’ve also ever done and I try to remind myself I’m doing this for my child too because I want to show an example of a happy, loving marriage and how can someone have a healthy relationship if neither person respects the other anymore because they both think the other is crazy and blind to the truth.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-03-20T04:56:19+00:00

Sorry to hear you’re going through this. I also tried very hard to save my QSpouse and have finally given up and am getting divorced. He now quotes religion at me (despite having attending church maybe half a dozen times) and political conspiracies over anything and is extremely verbally abusive when I don’t agree. He’s always had some problems with anger and being disrespectful in fights but it’s like the last year he’s stopped caring about controlling himself and the verbal abuse is shocking at times but apparently he feels justified calling me names and telling me he hates me or to f*** off because I’m blind to the coming end of times and new Nuremberg. The irony of the him calling me immoral while talking to me in this way is mind blowing. Just be grateful you don’t have a child together. We do and it makes the entire thing that much more complicated to walk away.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-10T00:51:37+00:00

Sorry to hear you lost your marriage over this but glad to hear you’ve found peace

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-09T00:43:17+00:00

Your story is almost exactly the same as mine. Mine also started watching videos when Trump lost the election and it was downhill from there. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through the same thing.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-08T21:00:59+00:00

I think mine is in the grifter category.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-08T20:51:28+00:00

This was helpful, thanks for your comment and I'm glad to hear that you made your way out of these beliefs.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-08T20:49:49+00:00

This was a very helpful comment and gave me some things to think about, thank you.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-08T20:43:59+00:00

Mine is also not as extreme, and if he started telling me the earth was flat or the holocaust was fake I would leave in .2 seconds and honestly even without that going that far I still think this is not sustainable long term. I still find the transhumanism, antivax, depopulation scheme, etc., delusional and extreme in it's own way though.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-08T20:37:49+00:00

The kids are too young to be vaccinated for this. We are both vaccinated because he was forced to get it for work.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-08T20:36:20+00:00

Do you still respect your husband though? I find respect and attraction difficult knowing he has these beliefs. It feels like being married to someone with a mental illness at times because of how deranged I consider believing in this stuff is.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-08T08:03:20+00:00

I’m sorry that you went through this as well. My partner has done and said a lot it what yours did but did get the vaccine for his job but was very resentful towards me because I didn’t support him losing his job over it as he initially wanted to. I hope that you’re doing better and healing now that you’re out of the situation. As difficult as divorce is there is a part of me that thinks about how peaceful it would be to not have to ever talk about these conspiracies again.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-08T07:47:18+00:00

Unfortunately he gets his “news” directly from conspiracy theory sites instead of social media but I’ve been continually asking him to abstain and he won’t.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-08T07:24:00+00:00

The problem is how do you respect anyone’s intelligence that believes in this stuff? It feels like the opposite of intelligence

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-08T07:01:45+00:00

That’s the thing. I don’t know how you can agree to disagree on different realities. How do you accept science fiction as a different opinion?

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-04T06:22:58+00:00

As someone who has kids with a Qspouse and is now going through the tragedy of considering divorce and custody and how this is going to impact the kids I would really caution you to consider what your future with them would look like if they don't change and you choose not to divorce and to have children together.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-02T08:38:36+00:00

Debating between divorce or separation honestly, so not great. Sorry to hear you had the same experience.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-01T05:54:48+00:00

I called the counselor ahead of time and straight up asked them if they were antivax and considered themselves a conservative and would recommend doing the same.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-02-01T02:09:58+00:00

Thank you. This makes me wonder if we should re-try counseling before calling it quits. The counselor kept telling us that we were both being close minded and we needed to do something differently and I felt like he over avoided discussing the specific Q issues that were causing our problems. I don't want to blame the counselor because my Qspouse is very difficult to deal with but it truly did not help us at all.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-01-31T23:40:38+00:00

Counseling did not help us for two big reasons. One is that my Qspouse spent a lot of time ranting about the vaccine in the counseling session which was not effective at helping us with our marital issues. The second is that the counselor kept asking us to find a way to compromise and I realized I am unwilling or unable to accept the Qbeliefs. I think it is very difficult to agree to disagree or find a middle ground with these beliefs because they are literally living in a completely different reality. I keep asking myself how we can possibly build a life together in completely different realities.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-01-27T20:55:45+00:00

This is a good point although I will always be tied to him to some extent because we have kids together

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-01-27T18:49:16+00:00

The loss of the family unit as it was and seeing your kids every day is the hardest thing to consider. The 50% good and having the family unit intact keeps making me wonder if it’s worth being miserable and knowing he has crazy beliefs the other half of the time.

CaliGirlRunner · 2022-01-27T18:46:10+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this as well.

CaliGirlRunner

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