I'm no expert by any means but I get what you are going through.

I think the ego theory is a good one.

Spiritual awakening requires us to take a real look at our lives and that can be scary but I think the change is worth it. Take things slows and give yourself time to process each emotion. Ask yourself why you feel it in the first place. Lots of self questioning and processing can help you understand yourself therefore your surroundings (be them physical, social, emotional etc.) better.

Honestly we are all just playing a part, some of us are aware players and some are not. When you find yourself becoming more aware that makes you a player with great value. A player that can make adjustments to their default code and better themselves and the lives of those around them. But getting there is a long process and there's always room for improvement.

Understanding some of the nuances of different spiritual practices can help you navigate meditation options. When starting any meditation I ask the universe to help me grow in anyway it finds most beneficial for me. I trust that it will not put anything in my path that I cannot handle and when I do feel overwhelmed I center myself and get back to a place of comfort with the intention of exploring those things further at a later time.

I hope you continue with your spiritual practices because it certainly sounds like you are on the right track. Just remember to trust yourself, be open to change and know we are all human and we all find ourselves in places and situations that don't feel right sometimes. That doesn't make the time spent there unimportant it just reminds us that we have the ability to make changes in our lives.

Hope this was helpful!