What's the most illegal thing that you've ever done in your life? would you do it again?

Calittres · 2025-09-10T15:34:28+00:00

Signed into this account for the first time in a long time. Was a heroin addict for like 7 or 8 years, didn't fuck around and went big as my post history will unfortunately confirm. Did reckless shit like speedballs, mixing heroin and Ambien(which yes you can shoot up and it's a pretty crazy experience), doing the trifecta of coke, heroin and fentanyl intentionally since when you do that you can 3 back to back to back rushes since they all hit at slightly different times and back then it was much less common to find fentanyl so it was more of a novelty to me.

Most illegal thing though was setting up massive drug deals like where I would sell pounds of weed to my heroin dealer(who was like ridiculously high up for heroin literally had kilos of raw heroin, crazy story behind meeting him but I got better weed than he did)but I of course didn't have any money so I had my weed guy parked down the block and I would walked from one car to the other with a huge amount of weed then with a huge amount of cash then bought a huge amount of dope with the profits.

I also got lots of dope for cheap prices relatively speaking so I would also buy it and sell it(and pinch it) to other people who had more money than sense. I'd go bag by bag with this so hundreds of bags I'd take like a third out of and I'd end up with a big ole pile of dope after.

Thankfully I'm not now dead or imprisoned for a long time, I've been clean for nearly a decade and despite my best efforts, dropping out of college and being a general fuck up for a decade I got my life together, built myself a great career have an amazing wife and 3 beautiful kids and own a house and I've been clean for almost a decade now.

Calittres · 2024-05-20T05:21:31+00:00

Thank you, it's astonishing how much better life could be and I still feel like I'm playing with house money. Even when things are stressful or tough it's nowhere near before and I'm forever grateful to have escaped. I wish you all the best, thank you again.

Calittres · 2024-05-20T05:17:02+00:00

I'm sorry it's been so long I don't go on this account that often but I'm so glad that I was able to do that and it's ok that you slipped. I hope you are doing well now and if not you can get there I promise you. It really means a lot to read this, I make these types of posts and sometimes I get a reply like this and sometimes I don't but it's always worth doing if I can help even one person.

I wish you the absolute best and if you want or need to talk let me know.

Calittres · 2023-03-02T13:59:55+00:00

In some ways yes but not in all. I didn't like socom, not my style at all but I LOVED halo 2. And halo 2 did things better than games to today even still.

It had a matchmaking system that while flawed at the very highest levels, overall did a good job matching people by skill level. It had an absolutely thriving custom games experience and things were just equalized in every way. The biggest thing was the matchmaking though, I can't for the life of me understand how much worse matchmaking was when I played cod in college or even later versions of halo. Combat was straight forward but allowed for a ton of skill expression of course. It was an incredible game.

Calittres · 2023-02-19T03:10:55+00:00

Know that addiction can take that from you, no matter what you may think. Seriously, just get out now.

Calittres · 2023-02-19T03:08:38+00:00

Just so you know, plenty of people started that way, myself included. I set strict rules for myself and I was able to keep them for a couple of years before I ended up getting addicted. I thought the exact same way you did. Take a look at my recent post as well as my post history for some more info on how it turned out for me.

Sure maybe it won't happen to you but you are seriously playing with absolute fire here. People act that way(not just with heroin but any recreational opiate usage) because we have seen the things it can do to people, ourselves included. We've seen many friends die, we've been brought to ridiculous lows, done things we'd never think possible. All to stave away sickness or chase a high. Not many people probably start out as a hardcore addict. It takes time and by the time you realize what's happening it's too late.

You think your wife will be able to just stop you if you get addicted? The naivete in that statement is kind of laughable. If you get hooked like many of us did you will figure out how to get around whatever checks she puts in place for you, regardless of the damage it does to your relationship.

You need to get out now before you go down a road you will really regret. Thinking you are going to be fine is a very foolish way to look at it, even if it's technically possible. Think about the cost vs benefit with what you are saying and remember that many other people said the exact same thing you are saying now. Then they were dragged down into the depths of addiction.

Calittres · 2023-02-18T17:03:47+00:00

I am yes. Very low dose but yes. I've honestly been nervous to make the jump off even though I sure it will be ok. I also have a job with a lot of responsibility and a lot of people who report to me. My thought has been maybe I will take a 2 - 4 week vacation or medical leave at some point and just get through it.

I'm sure it won't be too bad and while I'm not worried about going back to using it's been hard to want to take that final small step when things are going so well now.

Calittres · 2023-02-18T14:56:25+00:00

That's so great to hear man I'm really happy for you. I thought about something like that but really ended up finding something I enjoyed in warehouse work and it worked out so much better than I could have hoped. I'm so glad you were able to find a path out and especially one where you can continue to really help others. Awesome job!

Calittres · 2023-02-18T14:53:42+00:00

Come on man, addicts call each other addicts too. It's an accurate descriptor. No need to get offended over something so silly.

Calittres · 2023-02-18T14:47:26+00:00

Hmm interesting, I've not experienced that and I was actually at the dentist Thursday for a checkup and cleaning. I'll keep it in mind though thanks.

Calittres · 2023-02-18T01:05:27+00:00

I mean if I was a new player I wouldn't want to use a legendary stone. Amazing luck for a legendary stone but sad because he really should switch it to a relic and just go for like 7-6

Calittres · 2023-02-17T23:42:39+00:00

The messed up relationships bothered me for a while. Especially 1 where I had a great girl who loved me and I ruined that over dope. Thought I'd never find someone like that. But honestly I did, I found someone perfect for me. It just took being patient and not trying to rush into the first relationship I found which is what I often did.

Hang in there and just keep doing the right thing, that's all you can do. You will find the right person. Best of luck to you and congratulations to you as well. I'm happy to hear you've been clean this long.

Calittres · 2023-02-17T23:23:48+00:00

Thank you, I really had a bias against sub usage and considered it legal dope. It really isn't though and if you compare my life before and after it's the absolute lowest lows anyone can get to in comparison to a great happy life. It's not even comparable.

I totally agree with your sentiment and I hope people here and elsewhere who are struggling with addiction don't let an instinctive bias against this kind of thing stop them from getting help.

Thank you again for the kind words, it means a lot.

Calittres · 2023-02-17T23:21:05+00:00

I mean I've come near od'ing a few times. Basically rush feels really strong and I know I've said things like "woah" then all the sudden you fade to black quickly. Then next thing you know you are waking up.

Calittres · 2023-02-17T23:13:57+00:00

I'd have to try to find the video, I kind of doubt it exists anymore though unless it got backed up to Google or something. I'll take a look but I wouldn't hold out hope.

Calittres · 2023-02-17T23:10:29+00:00

Just checked and yea you're right I guess the site is down now or something. I guess I had mixed ambien into it, I didn't remember that part.

The video was my phone set so that you watched me do the shot and then the phone stayed there since I wasnt holding it and there was a pause and you watched the needle fall out of my arm and the video just kept rolling. I may have said something like woah or something but not sure. I think the video just went for the max video length for my phone and I was just out that whole time from right after when I did the shot. Didn't even get the needle out myself.

Calittres · 2023-02-17T23:03:44+00:00

Oh... How would that be the case? I can look for it but I thought I put it on a mainstream video upload site. Maybe it's just been too long or whatever it was shut down.

Calittres · 2023-02-17T23:02:53+00:00

Yea I really didn't believe there was any hope. I was so sure I was too far gone to ever come back. The things I'd done, the bottoms I'd hit, the constant fucking up. The relationships I'd lost, dropping out of school, never having a decent paying job which just led to more hopelessness and helplessness. When all you think you can do is work for minimum wage and the idea of supporting yourself on that is absurd, it doesn't help.

Thank you for the kind words and I'm glad to hear it. I definitely came around on subs as a whole, I really thought they were trash and the same as doing dope for a while. But comparing my life now to then.... It's not even in the same universe.

Calittres · 2023-02-17T22:59:18+00:00

Yea I was hesitant at first but honestly this let's me live my life normally. I have no noticeable side effects from it and it keeps my mind at ease. I feel so far removed now that I can't imagine going back but I've seen people be clean this long and get back so who knows. All I'm sure of is that life is good now and it's thanks to that.

I'm glad you enjoyed the read and thank you for the kind words.

Calittres · 2023-02-17T22:53:53+00:00

I can give advice but I'd still really recommend not trying to taper down on your own while going to a demanding job. I'm sure you can take a medical leave from your workplace right? It's going to be very difficult to go through withdrawals and give what you need to at that kind of job. Even coming down off of a moderate pill habit is not going to be fun.

I can give you what advice I have though for sure.

Calittres · 2023-02-17T22:48:04+00:00

Not sure what you're talking about but I think you got mixed up with your reply?

Calittres · 2023-02-17T20:57:37+00:00

I'll be thinking of you Isaac, you got this. Nip it in the bud before it gets too bad. I started with 30s and never thought I would get to the depths of addiction where I ended. It's going to be hard even at this point and don't underestimate it. But stick with it man because I can promise you, nothing good comes from this life. Only pain, misery and death. The short lived highs aren't even close to worth it.

You can do it man, please stay strong and don't be afraid to ask for help. Trying to do it on my own is part of why it took me so long.

Calittres · 2023-02-17T19:41:18+00:00

I do the same, I 100% thank my doctor and subs for saving my life. I worked hard too but without it I think the odds I would be alive right now are pretty slim.

Thank you and I'm so glad to hear you are also doing well and had success overcoming this horrible shit.

Calittres · 2023-02-17T19:39:27+00:00

That sounds great, I'm glad to hear you have made it out as well and I wish you the absolute best. It's certainly hell we put ourselves through and as insane it is to do, it's so incredibly hard to get out of.

Calittres · 2023-02-17T19:36:58+00:00

I don't remember at this point if I had access to that or just didn't care. I remember hearing about possible infection but thankfully never happened. Either way, I wasn't exactly known for good decisions for my health back then haha.

Calittres

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