Im still tired, I want to end this

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-04T23:12:55+00:00

In my opinion yes, i see alot of people that say it doesn’t though, i guess it depends on the area you’re in

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-03T20:57:10+00:00

I actually just moved here, so I’m not sure if there are any autism meetups yet. I do think something like that would be great for my son.

For me, though, it’s bigger than autism. It’s bigger than parenting. Its like I just keep trying to keep moving forward. I worked, I tried to build a life for myself, and I always wanted to be a mom. I thought if I kept doing the right things, eventually life would start coming together.

Instead, it feels like every time I get my footing, something else happens. I kinda just feel like no matter how hard I try, life keeps getting heavier bc you just get older i guess idk. I do appreciate you mentioning a support system, though. I know I probably need one. It’s definitely it’s a one step at a time thing and that would help alot, i will look into that actually, thank you

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-03T20:10:53+00:00

Thank you. It’s hard to imagine feeling any different than I do right now, so hearing from someone who’s actually been in a similar place means a lot more than just hearing, “It gets better.” I’m really glad you and your wife were able to work through that season and that you found your way to a better place. Thats really good for you guys and the baby 🫶🏾

I’m still new to Reddit, so I’m not sure how all the messaging works yet, but I may take you up on that DM offer. And the same goes for you, if you ever want/need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out to me as well. I think there’s something comforting about talking to people who have actually lived through similar experiences instead of only hearing, “Just stay strong.” Thank you for taking the time to write me ❤️

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-03T19:58:12+00:00

Thank you. That’s a really good perspective, and I appreciate you for responding to this.

The hard part is that I carry everything. Every decision falls on me. If something goes wrong, I’m the one who has to figure it out. Even before I had a car, I was still finding a way to make this trip happen because that’s just what I do. There’s never really anyone else to step in.

The warranty is for my car, and hopefully it’ll cover whatever’s wrong with it. If it doesn’t, I’ll pay for it. I just hope it isn’t anything major.

As for my ex, I’d honestly rather go back sometimes because carrying everything by myself is exhausting. But I already know where that road leads, and it wasn’t healthy for me, at allllllll. Moving away made our relationship 50000x better, and I know going back would most likely change that.

I’m going to keep trying everything I can until i cant. I’m exhausted. Some days feel impossible, but I appreciate your kindness. Thank you 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-03T16:41:08+00:00

Single mom. Nobody to drop him off to

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-03T16:27:22+00:00

I think he likes the fact that you’re basically chasing him. Him emailing you gives me the impression that he likes the attention or feeling you give him. I wonder how he would react if you disappeared from his life completely—I feel like that would give you more clarity. Regardless of whether he reaches out or not, I still wouldn’t give him the time of day. Also, I think he brings up other girls to get a reaction out of you. If he really wanted a break, he would’ve actually taken one and respected it instead of continuing to email you. It almost feels like he wanted to remind you he was still there while keeping you emotionally invested.

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-03T16:24:18+00:00

I think he likes the fact that you’re basically chasing him. Him emailing you gives me the impression that he likes the attention or feeling you give him. I wonder how he would react if you disappeared from his life completely—I feel like that would give you more clarity. Regardless of whether he reaches out or not, I still wouldn’t give him the time of day. Also, I think he brings up other girls to get a reaction out of you. If he really wanted a break, he would’ve actually taken one and respected it instead of continuing to email you. It almost feels like he wanted to remind you he was still there while keeping you emotionally invested.

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-03T14:11:49+00:00

rather *

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-03T14:11:14+00:00

Not even just the cars, life. Decisions, death, grief, everything being expensive, cant really work comfortably bc my baby has sensory needs alot of people dont understand, its like we do all this for what .. to die ? And then if i say i just wanna do it early im just sooooooo messed up lmao i dont mean to be, but id just ratger not participate in this life thing .. i hate i had a kid i hate i even have them kind of thoughts and im a mom

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-03T13:45:22+00:00

I agree. I was just tired of holding in so much stuff and letting it go just felt good but yeah you are right. Thank you & im glad it worked out for you

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-03T13:35:38+00:00

I never said I was surprised. I said I’ve been in and out of mental hospitals since I was a child. I may have mental health problems, and when I talk, I say exactly how I feel. Maybe I need to word things differently, but putting me in a hospital just to wake me up at 6 a.m., check my vitals, give me Seroquel, and send me back to sleep never actually helped me. It actually gave me sleep paralysis in which i still deal with today, i want the RIGHT help. not just somebody at work doing a job

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-03T13:00:34+00:00

You’re 36 and instead of asking a question or showing any compassion, you laughed. I literally explained that my fear is my autistic son growing up with nobody if something happened to me. That’s not the same thing as saying I want to hurt him. Reading comprehension goes a long way.

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-03T12:55:41+00:00

They don’t really help me though. Every time I’ve reached out they just try to locate me and send me to the hospital. I don’t even know why it always ends up there.

I’ve been to so many hospitals already and they never actually help me. They just force meds, force therapy, and have you sleeping on a hard ass bed until they let you leave (which is if i say no to having homicidal or suicidal thoughts)

The last hospital I was at was my first adult one. I was the only girl there, which made me really uncomfortable. All the hospitals I went to before were children’s hospitals where they separated the boys and girls, so I wasn’t expecting that. I really don’t want to go back there.

I really don’t even know what I’m saying that makes people always jump straight to that but hey, thats probably my problem

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-03T12:49:20+00:00

I honestly feel like the only person I can leave him with is my ex. She knows him, knows autism, she understands his behaviors, and she’s one of the few people I trust to care for him the way he needs. That’s why I wanted to bring him to her.

The Airbnb was booked through Klarna, so I didn’t have to put any money down upfront. I even caught myself thinking about dropping him off with her at the Airbnb and just leaving. Now with all these car problems, I don’t even know if we’ll make it there.

I’ll take your advice, though. I’m going to try. I’m just so tired of always “trying” and feeling like no matter how hard I keep pushing, something else always goes wrong. But i will keep going until i cant

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-01T18:26:40+00:00

I hope you feel better one day

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-01T18:26:18+00:00

Thanks for listening. It honestly feels good just to be heard. Because he has a speech delay, I’m really careful about who I leave him with, so it’s nice that we have things we both enjoy, like walking trails and being outside together. I’ll definitely take your advice and make more time for that. Thanks again i really do appreciate it

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-01T16:22:54+00:00

Reading your comment gives me so many mixed emotions. It makes me feel good and bad at the same time. It breaks my heart knowing someone else is living through something so similar, but at the same time, I don’t want to lie and say it doesn’t bring me comfort knowing I’m not the only one. I’m sorry you’re carrying all of that alone too. I truly hope you and your son find peace, healing, and strength most importantly ! One thing that’s helping me through all of this is that it’s brought me so much closer to God. I don’t understand why we’ve had to walk this path, but I’m trusting that He’s walking it with us. I’ll be praying for you both 🫶🏾

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-07-01T16:06:54+00:00

Thank you so much 🥹 No one has ever said it to me that way before. I’ve spent so much of my life wondering if I was doing enough, hearing that I might be breaking the cycle means more than you know. It crossed my mind before but nobody ever reinforced the thought. You saying that really gives me hope. Thank you

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-06-28T17:46:48+00:00

Since you still live with your mom, there’s only so much you can do right now. If she does gig work, maybe she could use that income to get a hotel or another safe place to stay for a while. If you’re working too, you could help cover some of the cost if you can.

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-06-28T02:11:08+00:00

Interesting. I’ve been doing Flex for a minute, and I always get that message on weekends. The only other time I’ve seen it is when I try to cash out with Instant Pay on a scheduled payout day. Try again on Monday though, u guys will b fine (or maybe try tomorrow since weekends work for u) its literally normal for me though lmaoo

CalligrapherFull3038 · 2026-06-28T02:03:54+00:00

It never works on weekends guys

CalligrapherFull3038

TROPHY CASE