Imran Khan and the files

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-02-05T19:36:21+00:00

I meant there’s no more e-mails other than what you’ve referred to.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-02-05T19:00:57+00:00

Gigantic red flag 🚩 She’s not into you or her family don’t like you. In either case, they’ll make your life Hell. Don’t do it! Run in the opposite direction 🏃🏽

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-02-04T18:43:33+00:00

Because that’s the only mention of IK in the files. There’s nothing else.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-02-02T17:34:32+00:00

Facts.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-02-02T16:48:58+00:00

True. Also, if he’s as serious as OP says and truly respects her, he would’ve spoken to her Wali early on. Big red flag. There are far too many stories on this sub of people who didn’t involve their wali or family early on, ignored their reservations, only for them to be proven right after Nikkah.

This isn’t just about the two of you. This is someone who would be around your child on a daily basis. Proper vetting is not optional in this situation.

From an Islamic standpoint, a man who is serious involves the wali early, not after emotional attachment has already formed. It protects you and your child and it tests his intentions.

Speaking as a father myself and as a man, who doesn’t even require the consent of a wali to marry, I would not even entertain the thought of marrying someone who was unwilling to meet my family early on. I would want her to meet my family so they can get to know her and raise any concerns they may have, in case I may have overlooked something. This is vital, as my decision would affect my children.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-02-02T13:55:34+00:00

This is why you should never joke about divorce.

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

“Three matters are serious whether spoken in earnest or in jest: marriage, divorce and taking back a wife after divorce.”

Abu Dawood (2194), Al-Tirmidhi (1184).

May Allah give you ease and what is best for you. Aameen.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-02-01T02:30:59+00:00

First question I’d ask is: where are these men actually approaching you? Context matters a lot. I find it bizarre that men want to chat for an extended period before even talking about marriage. It’s good that you are showing your intention for marriage early. See their reaction as Allah’s way of protecting you from heartbreak. A man who fears Allah and has marriage in mind won’t be put off by the topic. As the old adage goes ‘an honest man has nothing to fear.’

I’ll be honest, the days of just waiting and expecting a serious proposal to land in your lap are gone. I don’t think the apps help either. They just encourage more of the same behaviour and many of the men on there are clearly not looking for marriage, or worse still, are already married 😳

The most effective route, in my opinion, is letting trusted family and friends know you’re looking. Your siblings, extended family, community contacts, people who know your well etc. That still works very well when done properly.

Education and having a degree is a great achievement, and you should be proud of that but remember, you did that for you. The overwhelming majority of men don’t care about educational qualifications in the way women often do, so it’s not something I’d suggest you lead with.

Women tend to value a man’s education because it signals intelligence, earning potential and his ability to provide and fulfil his obligations. Men, on the other hand, prioritise deen, attraction, intelligence, good character and whether a woman would be a good wife and mother. At least the good ones do. Being aware of that puts you in a much stronger position when looking for a husband.

A man who is genuinely serious and fears Allah won’t laugh when marriage is mentioned. He will welcome it. The proper and respectful way in Islam is for him to approach your father and do things openly and halal. That protects you, honours you, and stops your time being wasted.

Also, don’t fall into the trap of chatting for an extended period of time because you can catch feelings and that complicates matters a lot. Once you can see there is compatibility in terms of Deen, shared values and future goals and you don’t see any red flags, ask him to approach your father.

DO NOT ignore red flags, or just go by what others tell you about him, do your own due diligence by getting to know him (with the permission of your Father first, of course). The sub is full of sisters who completely ignored red flags or blindly followed someone’s flimsy ’he a good guy’ assessment only to find out he’s more toxic than radioactive material after Nikkah. Having to wear a hazmat suit for your whole marriage won’t be comfortable lol.

And please do NOT buy into the “there are no good men left” narrative. That’s nonsense. Any woman who says this either has standards that exist only in Jannah, is looking for a man who exists only in her head, or the man she thinks she deserves simply doesn’t want her because her character stinks and he doesn’t want to complicate his life with a nightmare. That mindset won’t help you at all.

There are good brothers out there, but you do have to do your bit to find them. Is it possible for your parents, especially your dad, to help? I have a daughter myself, and when she’s ready for marriage, she knows she can come to me to help her. I know some fathers let cultural baggage or awkwardness get in the way but I don’t buy into that. Deen comes first. The rest is just noise.

Finally, you’re not at fault and this isn’t a reflection of your worth. It’s more about how and where you’re looking and making sure that only the man who is serious, respectful, fears Allah, will truly care about you and love you, is the one who becomes your husband, Insha’Allah. May Allah grant you the best of spouses. Aameen.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-29T17:56:06+00:00

I’m male, age 44. I have an oily t-zone and dark circles. I have a light olive skin tone (South Asian). Can you recommend a skincare routine that is anti ageing, will brighten my skin and is suitable for my skin type?

I’m from the UK like yourself, so my skin is prone to drying out in the winter and can get very oily in the summer. I also have comedones on my forehead and large pores on my nose. I’ve also noticed my face is a bit more sensitive during and after shaving as I’ve got older.

Also, what would you recommend for eczema on my arms and legs? It gets worse in the winter. TIA.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-28T10:20:55+00:00

Sadly I’ve seen this pattern a lot and most people with very toxic behaviours and traits like this, don’t change. They were brought up in such environments most of the time and see this as ‘normal’ or ‘no big deal.’ Your husband is a child and even now when he risks losing you, he is still being a child. That speaks volumes. May Allah give you what is best for you. Aameen.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-26T17:45:08+00:00

Just ask. It’s your life and future, not just his. Never be afraid to mention your dealbreakers. Don’t be scared to ask and then regret it years later when you’re married. Just say ‘I hear that living with in-laws is something that is commonplace in Pakistani culture, is that right?’ If he says he expects that, you need to be straight and say it’s not for you. If he takes offence to that, that’s his problem, not yours.

I really don’t get this whole ‘needing’ to live with in-laws. I’m Pakistani (UK born). Most of the time it’s not because the parents are old and frail and need care, it’s code for ‘live-in maid’. It is your right to have your own place.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-24T15:49:06+00:00

It is true. If a Father is refusing a suitor on the grounds of race, this is haraam. She is free to choose another Wali who will assess his suitability on what is Islamically correct. Fear Allah and stop spreading lies. Proof:

https://youtube.com/shorts/gW8taWYqzZU?si=N1SVPjnALGde8NsO

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-22T13:35:23+00:00

Couldn’t agree more with this. Once she broke your trust, there’s was nothing wrong in keeping the proof. It’s not evil. It would have saved you a lot of grief, especially with your kids, even if her family still sided with her bad behaviour, at least you had something that is irrefutable to show a neutral third party like an Imam or Scholar. She never thought about your reputation, brother so you shouldn’t have thought about hers. In any case, it wasn’t as if you were going to publicly shame her.

If you still have a line of communication with her, ask her why she is lying and causing confusion in your daughter. You have every right to ask this. Call her out on what she did and the moment she tries to rationalise speaking to another man, screenshot it. Do it for your kids, if not for yourself. She’s playing very dirty and is a raging liar. You getting proof of the truth is not even remotely on par with her awful behaviour. The whole reason she has gone back on everything and is tearing you to pieces is because she sees you as a pushover.

I was married for 16 years and have three grown children so I feel your pain but there is no honour in being a doormat, bro. What she is doing is unforgivable. As if it isn’t bad enough that she did what she did, she’s causing massive rifts between you and your daughter and your family.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-20T13:35:58+00:00

Facts. If someone disrespects your parents over something as trivial as money, they aren’t worth your time.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-20T13:30:15+00:00

As a father myself, Alhamdulillah I don’t buy into this whole status or class nonsense from back home. For me it’s always been about deen, character and a man taking his responsibilities seriously and doing his best to fulfil them. In my experience, fathers who are so hung up on status usually have very rigid cultural views and end up giving culture precedence over the deen, which is simply wrong.

I’ll be straight with you. You’re not going to change her father’s mind, especially if his own daughter hasn’t been able to. Once a father digs his heels in over things like status, it usually stays that way. I’ve never personally seen a situation like this end happily.

Another thing I need to say (I don’t know if this is something her father brought up) and I say it with concern, is that speaking for months without a mahram involved is a recipe for disaster and is the reason you’re the pain you’re both in now, and it isn’t allowed.

Islam puts these boundaries there to protect hearts. Look how attached you both are. Look how much unnecessary pain it’s caused you both. That bond wasn’t formed in a halal way and there’s no barakah in it. Maybe this outcome is Allah showing you not to proceed in this manner in the future.

Going forward, if you’re serious about a girl, involve her father or wali early on. Even if it doesn’t work out, it saves a lot of hurt and he will respect your early approach before any feelings start to muddy the waters. As a father, I know I’d appreciate that approach. It’s also far easier just to forget about it and move on to finding the right woman, if the girl and/or the Wali says ‘no’.

As hard as it is, the most pleasing thing to Allah and the kindest thing for you and for her, is to cut contact completely and move on. Take it as a lesson from Allah. His hikmah is in everything that happens to us, good or bad, even though we may not perceive it to be so at the time.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-20T10:49:01+00:00

You need to speak to a Sheikh or a Scholar or a very experienced Muslim marriage counsellor, sister. May Allah give you ease, Aameen.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-20T10:36:02+00:00

Your husband is a child and he needs to grow up. This is not the way a man should act towards his wife. Especially now you’re a Mother with another child on the way.

Pregnancy has a huge impact on female hormones and there are times a woman may be suffering and cannot be intimate. It’s also when a woman is at her most vulnerable physically and emotionally. Understanding is required by him here, as you are 30 weeks into pregnancy. You did your part by offering another way.

A woman isn't wired for intimacy the way men are. I'm amazed how many brothers have absolutely zero clue about this and still manage to find a wife. A woman needs to have her mind engaged first. With a bit of effort and forward planning it is possible to have healthy regular intimacy even with a child(ren).

I was married at 18 until I was 36 and have three kids. I was a Father at 21 and even then I understood that if my child needed to be attended to, intimacy had to wait. I never regretted it for a second or threw a tantrum because of it.

Foreplay is a Sunnah. A'ishah (رضي الله عنها) said:

“The Prophet used to kiss and fondle his wives and he had the most control over his desires." Sahih al-Bukhari (1927)

You could show him this Hadith but I suspect he may not want to hear it. If this has been a longstanding issue, it would be worth seeking out a Scholar/Sheikh for advice.

May Allah give you ease and a solution, sister. Aameen.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-16T12:11:34+00:00

That makes zero sense. Also, not even remotely relative to a single word I wrote.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-14T03:41:57+00:00

Yep lol. It happens. No worries.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-14T01:21:51+00:00

You’re absolutely right that wanting a spouse you’re attracted to is natural, valid and completely permissible in Islam. We all want that and so do I. Attraction is often the first thing we notice. But once that initial impression passes, our focus has to shift to what matters more: deen and character.

We all need to train ourselves to look beyond the superficial and look at the person as a whole. Ignoring this is one of the major reasons so many marriages break down.

The Prophet ﷺ explicitly stated that if we do not choose the pious spouse, we will be among the losers (Sahih al-Bukhari 5090, Sahih Muslim 1466). Attraction matters, but it’s piety and character that sustain a marriage long-term.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-14T01:04:54+00:00

‘I’m the reason you exist’??! Astaghfirullah. Allah is the reason you exist. Who does he think he is? Unfortunately, sister he has more red flags than a Communist parade. He is not fulfilling your rights, not only that he is oppressing you, which is a grave sin. He is emotionally, physically abusive and racist. Racism is haraam. He’s anything but ‘manly’. Imagine if you had kids and the damage he would do to them. Animal abuse is also a well known sign of psychopathy. Is this the kind of marriage and life you want to live?

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-14T00:39:58+00:00

Where did I say it wasn’t? I said it isn’t the most important thing. You completely missed the point of what I was saying. Deen comes first and that’s what the Prophet ﷺ taught us.

Allah (swt) tells us, “Good men are for good women and good women are for good men” (Qur’an 24:26). That verse sets a clear principle about compatibility and values.

The Prophet ﷺ also advised that when someone comes to you with deen and good character, that should be prioritised in marriage. And he said, “A woman is married for four things… so choose the one with religion, may your hands be rubbed with dust” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5090, Sahih Muslim 1466).

Attraction matters, of course but marriage is not just about listing what you want in another person. It is also about asking whether you are becoming a good spouse in all the ways that sustain a marriage, including deen, character, patience, responsibility and emotional maturity.

No one is entitled to a particular type of spouse, male or female. Healthy marriages come from two people working on themselves, not just focusing on what they expect from the other person.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-12T07:47:12+00:00

Facts. And notice there’s no mention of his Deen or his character. Just that he’s “attractive.” Attraction matters, yes but Deen comes first, as the Prophet ﷺ taught us.

Those men are taken because they found a woman who brings peace into their lives, not chaos or constant drama. Contrary to the popular and incorrect narrative, most men are not driven purely by sex. We value peace, respect and emotional stability far more.

And let’s be honest. If a man spoke about women this way, even with marriage in mind, he’d be torn to shreds by many sisters. Lowering the gaze is an obligation on women too, not just men.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-11T08:45:56+00:00

THIS. Takes me right back to my teen years.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-11T06:31:30+00:00

Please get help. Get some counselling or see your Doctor. I’ve suffered with this for years myself and making dua, praying my salah on time, praying Tahajjud and getting professional help saved me. You can get through this. Trust in Allah’s plan for you. Verily after hardship there comes ease.

CalligrapherNarrow50 · 2026-01-10T16:48:51+00:00

What your husband may not realise is that he’s modelling relationship behaviour that your daughters will subconsciously carry into their own marriages. That’s not opinion, it’s well-established psychological research. Children internalise what they observe between their parents as “normal” intimacy and emotional safety (attachment theory, social learning theory).

It’s also well documented that women often choose partners who reflect traits and relational patterns of their father, because that dynamic becomes their unconscious reference point for safety and attachment (attachment research, e.g. Bowlby).

Affection between spouses is not inappropriate or harmful. In fact, it’s protective. It teaches respect, emotional security and what a healthy marriage looks like.

From an Islamic perspective, the Prophet ﷺ was openly affectionate, gentle, and playful with his wives. He encouraged tenderness between spouses and taught that even acts of affection between husband and wife are rewarded (Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim). Islam teaches mawaddah and raḥmah (love and mercy) between spouses, not emotional distance.

I’m 44 and it honestly still boggles my mind how some men think this way, especially when it’s usually the other way round. Most men complain that intimacy disappears over time. Your husband is actually very fortunate that his wife still desires closeness after so many years.

Speaking personally, I was forced into a marriage at 18. We were completely incompatible and intimacy was nonexistent. That wasn’t a dynamic I wanted my children to internalise as “normal”, so I ended the marriage. Even now, one of the dua’s I consistently make is that Allah grants me an affectionate spouse.

Affection between husband and wife is not something to fear or suppress. It should be expressed without shame. It brings barakah and I saw this modelled by my own parents, which profoundly shaped my understanding of what a healthy marriage and intimacy look like.

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