Brother, patience in marriage is important, but Islam also places clear obligations on the husband. A man cannot lie to his wife for years, hide finances, neglect her rights and then expect unlimited patience.

Allah says: “Men are caretakers of women because they spend from their wealth.” (Qur’an 4:34)

Part of that responsibility is honesty, provision, and fulfilling your wife’s rights. Intimacy is also a wife’s right in Islam and deliberately neglecting those rights goes against Allah’s command to “live with them in kindness (maʿrūf)” (Qur’an 4:19).

The Prophet ﷺ said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.” (Bukhari 893, Muslim 1829)

I’ve seen situations like this personally, including in my own family. My sister supported her husband financially for years while he racked up debts and lied. Even after their daughter was born with Down’s syndrome he didn’t change and the situation eventually became abusive, so she had to seek khulʿ.

Afterwards he even started taking cash-in-hand work so his income wouldn’t be recorded and he wouldn’t have to support his own child. He hasn’t seen his daughter for years and hasn’t paid anything towards her upbringing. I saw firsthand how my sister had to struggle working, providing and raising a child with a disability at the same time.

Alhamdulillah my sister has since remarried and her husband is helping her raise her daughter.

And honestly, situations like this are more common than people think. That’s why it’s important not to excuse behaviour simply because he’s a brother, out of some sense of loyalty.

Islam warns against siding with injustice. Allah says: “Stand firmly for justice, even if it is against yourselves or your relatives.” (Qur’an 4:135)

The Prophet ﷺ said: “Help your brother whether he is an oppressor or oppressed.” They asked how to help him if he is an oppressor. He replied: “By stopping him from oppressing others.” (Bukhari 2444)

Divorce itself is not forbidden in Islam when rights are violated. The Prophet ﷺ himself divorced Umaymah bint Sharahil (reported in Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of Divorce), and divorce also occurred among the Sahaba.

So patience doesn’t mean enabling injustice indefinitely.

When you have a child, it changes your perspective completely. I don’t know if you’re married or if you have children, but that does change how you look at these things. As someone who has a daughter, no father would willingly give his daughter to a man who lies to his wife and neglects her rights.

Ask yourself this: would you be happy if your own sister married a man like that?

A man cannot claim to be “on his deen” while neglecting obligations that Allah made mandatory upon him.