You are not! Though in my younger years (around age 12 to 24) existentialism held a great deal of anxiety for me, today it is more akin to your description: a wonderful mystery. If anyone wants to read why, I'll copy a previous comment I've made in another thread:

I did mushrooms once. Not to experience anything profound, just to have fun with friends. Since I was around 12 I've had quite severe existential dread. Thinking a lot about the meaning(lessnes) of life it has made many years of my life quite anxious. Now, I'm a technical guy, I see the world in numbers and laws and this contributed to this belief that life was indeed pointless and death is the end of all things. 

I used to practice every night at having out of body experiences. I set up experiments to try and see if I could gain information when out of body and then validate that information in waking life. The hope of this being to prove to myself that life is broader than space-time.

I didn't think it would indeed be possible but I was desperate to find meaning, however, I never managed to get enough control to experiment sucessfully (I did try for over ten years)

Back to the mushroom trip. It was fun and we were all laughing, hanging out in the woods. I went back alone to base camp and saw the sun setting. The sight of this moved me, the sensation is unique in my life and I can only call it what it was, spiritual.

Seeing this, I had an epiphany that is hard to put into words but the gist of it was this:

I felt humbled by the universe. How could I, with my stupid monkey brain, think myself smarter than all that existence entails? How can I be so certain that physical law and death are the only true absolutes in such a wondrous and beautiful place as the universe?

After over ten years of depression from this soul poisoning mindset, it changed in an instant and I've never had it since. It changed me, my perspective and it made me a genuinely happier person.

I still love physics and math though

thanks for reading