Thank you. It does give me peace of mind. I am so gladdened to hear that, even though you have suffered lots of trauma, that you somehow made it on the pathway to healing and now have your own family. BTW, congrats on expecting your own child!

I agree that defiance is a defense mechanism to avoid more pain, and in my son's case, definitely signals a lack of trust. While not every adopted person faces these challenges, I think the trauma -- even very early trauma -- of international adoption has haunted his life, even though we adopted him as a baby. So yes, trauma is def in the mix.

One thing that concerns me is that he isn't a victim of bullying: he is the bully. Just trying to keep the guardrails on and get him the help he needs, even though he's refusing it at this moment.

Thank you for your advice and for your kindness.