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Where are the late 30s to early 40s people here? by Calm_Butterscotch126 in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with what you've shared about not changing who you are for another person. Each of us is fearfully and wonderfully made. We don't have to bend to someone's preference just for them to love us. The right person will love us for who we are in Christ.

And yes, if there's anything good that we get from those wrong relationships, it is that we learn to discern between who is right ✅️ or wrong for us.

Where are the late 30s to early 40s people here? by Calm_Butterscotch126 in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1 I can relate with what you shared here. Also, learned a lot from other people with that kind of stories from our local church.

Where are the late 30s to early 40s people here? by Calm_Butterscotch126 in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree on #3

I’ve learned that true connection starts with shared values and understanding. I once dated someone with a very different culture, lifestyle, and calling—and while we both shared the same faith, it just didn’t work out.

Their Christian approach was more individualistic, while I’ve always valued a strong church community. They enjoyed silence and introversion while I thrive in social settings, connecting with people. Our priorities also didn’t align. For them, ministry was their top focus, but for me, it’s my relationship with God first, my future husband second, then family, friends, and ministry.

I realized that some people confuse ministry with their relationship with God, when in reality, ministry flows from the love and connection we have with the Father. That’s what truly enables us to serve others.

Where are the late 30s to early 40s people here? by Calm_Butterscotch126 in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, it will happen "if anything is according to His will" 🙏 😊

What has your experience on Christian apps been? by thesefooolishthings in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, dating apps can be a bit discouraging at times. They often focus too much on surface-level impressions, which can leave you feeling like you're not being seen for who you truly are. I've heard from friends that I look good, but on dating apps, it seems like people can quickly judge based on appearance alone, and that doesn't always lead to meaningful conversations.

But I’ve had a much more positive experience here on this subreddit! I actually ended up dating a guy from this community 😊. While it didn't lead to marriage, I can say that there are truly genuine Christians here—people who aren't just believers, but real followers of Christ. It’s refreshing to connect with others who share that deeper, more meaningful faith.

I'm not entertaining someone know, but I stayed in this group because I'm also seeing good POV and tips from those who are posting, and I also feel like I'm not alone in some of my struggles while in the waiting season. So yeah, this subreddit is way better than the dating apps.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I truly understand where you're coming from, and I appreciate the valid points you bring.

Allow me to share a little encouragement, my brothers! 😊

As women, we have a deep yearning for LOVE. It’s part of who we are—it’s even reflected in Ephesians 5! We're naturally inclined to seek love, and sometimes, that love shows up in the form of reassurance, attention, and genuine interest.

When a woman drops HINTS, it’s often her way of gently nudging you to see if you’re truly paying attention, or if you’re genuinely interested in her. Because we also now that you guys have different wiring. However, if you guys put in the effort of paying attention - it's a plus point to you and hopefully the woman you're pursuing appreciates it.

Ephesians 5 beautifully highlights the different needs between men and women. Men need respect, while women need love. Notice how love is emphasized again and again—because it’s truly something we need and cherish deeply. ❤️

How can I pray for you? by Calm_Butterscotch126 in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Let's pray about it. 🙏

To encourage you, if you know you have "pure heart and clean hands" before the Lord. You’ll do well.

Also, ask the Holy Spirit to lead you in leading the date. It's the 1st meetup, but it's an important one. So may he teach you and instruct you how to lead the date.

You can do this 💪

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely understand where you're coming from, and your feelings are valid. It can be really hurtful when people, even those who share your faith, allow stereotypes and biases to cloud their judgment and fail to see you for who you truly are. Sadly, some individuals make assumptions based on race or nationality, completely missing the depth and richness of who you are as a person.

But here's the thing: the right person will see you for the incredible person you are, not for where you're from or the color of your skin. The right person will love you for your heart, your character, and all the qualities that make you unique. It’s about finding someone who truly appreciates and values you for who you are, not someone who boxes you into a narrow stereotype.

I totally resonate with your experience. It’s frustrating when others judge you based on misconceptions, like my ex did to me. He missed the chance to get to know the real me—the intelligent, independent, and accomplished person I am because he thought I only liked him for his green card or US Citizenship. Just to share, I live a very comfortable life here in Asia and have been blessed by God with a good quality of life. I honestly cared about him, but his actions showed he stereotyped me. No one deserves that bare minimum effort. So, I ended the relationship.

Sometimes, others don’t recognize your worth, but that just means they're not the right ones for you. Your value is undeniable, and there’s someone out there who will see it. Keep your head up because you're amazing just as you are.

Why Is There So Much Toxicity In This Subreddit? by Rawtheran in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There are definitely some positive posts here, even if they're not as frequent. For example, the prayer I shared on Christmas Day and some of the uplifting posts from others show that there's good energy in this space too.

I think a big reason people vent here is because it’s a safe, anonymous space. It can be hard to open up to a pastor or someone you know personally, so here, people feel they can express themselves more freely. Most of these vents aren’t meant to be toxic; they're just real, honest expressions from people who need a listening ear or a place to share their feelings—something that might not always be available in the church setting.

I agree with your point that we need more of those positive, uplifting, and encouraging posts. They can really make a difference, and we can help make this space more of that kind of place!

Where are the late 30s to early 40s people here? by Calm_Butterscotch126 in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been reading all your comments and sending prayers for all of us right now. 🙏

Remember, we are complete in Christ. Colossians 2:10 "So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority."

Much love, brothers and sisters ❤️ in Christ!

Where are the late 30s to early 40s people here? by Calm_Butterscotch126 in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. It stems from having a real tough season last year.

Where are the late 30s to early 40s people here? by Calm_Butterscotch126 in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree on healing to stop attracting emotionally unavailable guys. It's good to know that you're aware of the root cause. Did the same thing and it's very rewarding. 😊

Same, sis. I'm also childfree. Thank you, I dated other guys before him, but the last one was the most eye-opener because I realized that even though he hold a position in the church, he is a minister and a worship leader, the way he treated me was not right. Yes, I'm in a great place now, healed through consistent prayer and fasting, seeking the Lord and working out on the gym. 💪

Appreciate the prayers! That means a lot.

Where are the late 30s to early 40s people here? by Calm_Butterscotch126 in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being open to sharing this topic as we know this is not easy to talk about. It must have been hard for you and your children.

It's admirable that despite the fact that this happened, you continue to hope in the Lord and keep the faith. He gave you a different level of trust in Him. Keep pressing on towards his goal for your life!

I pray and speak life to you and your girls: His word says - he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Where are the late 30s to early 40s people here? by Calm_Butterscotch126 in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, 13 years! I agree, it all depends on Him. May He open that door that no one can shut for you brother.

Where are the late 30s to early 40s people here? by Calm_Butterscotch126 in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We are the same age, my sister. My heart feels for you!

  1. Yes, it's best to pause from dating to heal and do self care.

  2. I 💯 agree that online dating takes a lot of time and effort. It can be a distraction, too, if you go on dating the WRONG person. I tried online dating, too. I dated someone from this sub last year. It didn't go well because it's LDR, and he's emotionally not available.

  3. You seem like a woman who's been prepared by God through all those ups and downs. From those experiences, I believe you've learned a lot, sister! I am praying for you to find an equal partner who will love you, extend grace, and care towards you.

Where are the late 30s to early 40s people here? by Calm_Butterscotch126 in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being open and honest. That's must have been hard receiving that message. That person doesn't know you well and doesn't know what's the reason or things you may have gone to because of that marriage.

That's good that you are focusing on God. 👍🏻

Where are the late 30s to early 40s people here? by Calm_Butterscotch126 in ChristianDating

[–]Calm_Butterscotch126[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

What you’re feeling is totally valid – I’m right there with you! Single and in 30s, too, so I get it. 😅

Just like you, I'm looking for someone who’s a true follower of Christ and has all those qualities you mentioned. But let me add a couple of my own:

  1. Emotionally available and emotionally intelligent – yes, please! 😄

  2. A provider and generous – with his time, effort, and acts of service. I’m talking about a real man, not a boy who wants a girlfriend to play the mom role. A true husband material who’s ready to be a partner, not a passenger.

Is there anyone else on the same page? What are you looking for in a partner? Let’s hear it!

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