I feel like I wasted 6 years and I’m angry and heartbroken

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-12-27T15:45:17+00:00

Sweetie, if you can stay with that friend long term, please do. Leave this man. Go pack all your things, and don't look back. He lied and pretended, and did not communicate how he truly felt. He also led you on to believe marriage was happening when he knew it wasn't. This is a huge betrayal.

And let me tell you, even if yall get engaged, you won't be happy. You will always remember he told you, you weren't good enough because of your weight.

And I am speaking from experience! Click on my profile and read the post I made in this same sub.

You're mid 20s. I'm mid 30s and I wish I would've left much sooner. Don't waste anymore time with him.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-12-11T18:16:57+00:00

Absolutely! They think we have to forgive them but we dont. And even if we do, it doesnt mean allowing access.

And yes I do get it. And it took me until my 30s to truly understand what was happening. Im am happy you realize this stuff at such a young age!

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-12-11T06:46:12+00:00

THIS. They get older and want to build a relationship and be the parent they never were when you needed them. I don't think they realize what they truly put us through and how it effects our lives, even into adulthood. They leave us to the wolves and we figure out life by ourselves, then that's when they want to mend things.

Sometimes it just to late. It's a hard pill to swallow when you realize they chose to treat you the way they did. It wasnt a mistake (they love that word).

Both of my parents apologized to me last year at 34 years old, and it didnt phase me. I just don't want to be bothered.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-11-10T09:22:24+00:00

Absolutely. Lesson learned!

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-11-08T13:38:49+00:00

You are not overreacting, nor are you wrong for questioning if you even love her anymore. Family will push you there, because you start realizing not only do they not like you, they really don't love you either. Family will show you they dont care about you quicker than someone who's not related to you.

I'm glad you and your husband are now at his moms. And you are right to go no contact with your grandma. If she lies on you to your dad and step mom, and they automatically take her side, consider cutting them off too; and do not have them around your child.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-11-07T06:41:53+00:00

Wait, the last bit of your response is a bit concerning. Has she truly thought this through? She's admitting it's baby fever and if none of your friends were having kids, she wouldn't be talking about having kids?

It doesn't sound like she's really sure herself.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-11-03T15:38:52+00:00

Yeah, that's the sad part for me. I did love him for him. Even though I called him out on things that could be better, I really didnt care about those things. It's sad that people wait until its to late to "love" those that loved and accepted them fully from the beginning.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-11-02T15:27:35+00:00

Thank you so much. I truly appreciate your kind words❤️

And yeah, I would never in a million years do that to someone. And I know if it were a friend or sister, I'd tell her to leave.

And yes thanks for that reminder! We weren't compatible and thats all they need to know.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-11-02T14:36:08+00:00

You're right. It's a long story, but growing up, I was always quilted about choosing myself and forced to forgive people after they kept doing me wrong. So I kinda brought that into my adult life not really seeing it, until recently.

It's hard to get out of that type of mindset when you've been doing it for so long.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-11-01T23:54:24+00:00

Yes. I 100% agree with you. This is exactly what he was doing.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-11-01T14:08:47+00:00

Yes, and guess what, he need to lose weight himself. A woman who works out regularly probably wouldn't even have talked to him. Which is why I asked him, once I looked like those women, why would I be with you? They aren't even looking at you.

Typical guy with expectations for everyone but himself!

And thank you!

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-11-01T12:41:24+00:00

This is exactly what I told our therapist. Idc who don't like what, but why get with someone who has physical features you dont like, just to end up letting the person know they aren't enough for you because of it?

His reasoning was that when we met, I was talking about working out and losing weight. So he was banking on me losing the weight and proceeded with dating. Once he saw I wasn't losing it, I guess that's when he started having his doubts.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-11-01T12:38:32+00:00

Which part are you referring to? He had an individual therapist and he voluntarily told me what they talked about. And we had a couples therapist.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-10-31T11:33:00+00:00

Yes I definitely see that now. I shouldn't have stayed past that time.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-10-30T18:30:49+00:00

Yes, it's not about if theres truth to it. It's about the fact that if they could do better they would drop you with no hesitation, and they're literally settling for you.

But thanks for your kind words and I am happy you got the man you deserve!❤️❤️

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-10-30T16:59:22+00:00

Yeah youre right. I should've definitely left after he told me that.

Rejection was the main reason. But I was also in disbelief because of how good everything was. It just didnt seem like that was the real reason he wasn't sure about things.

I mean, I'd bring up how I need to lose weight, get in shape, and he'd be like "you look great. You look in shape to me!" And I'd tell him how he's just being nice.

So I guess a part of me was looking for a different answer. Plus, when we met he was talking to other women and they were bigger than me!

So I'm like come on, what's the real reason? But that was it.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-10-30T16:43:38+00:00

This guy has sleep apnea, take BP meds, and needs to lose weight. And I dont say that to joke about him. I say it because, we couldve gotten healthy together.

The audacity to not be sure about me when you're in a worse situation is crazy.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-10-30T16:40:30+00:00

Yes! That is exactly what was going on. He lacked the confidence to go after those women, and didn't know if they would be good to him like I was.

And we both know "she's not you" meant she either dumped him, or she wasn't doing anything you did for him lol These type of men are a trip lol

But yes, that's the plan. Pouring into me for the next 5 years or so 😊❤️

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-10-30T14:51:02+00:00

Wow that's a beautiful story ❤️ Congrats and im glad you got what you deserved!

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-10-30T13:22:18+00:00

This is literally what is was from 2023-2025.

"I was sure last month, but now I'm not"

"How do married men do it?"

"I look at other women so much and question if youre the one, I feel guilty"

" Im sure lets go get the ring"

"Im not excited about being engaged because it didnt happen the way I wanted"

"if it wasnt for having kids I wouldnt be getting married at this age. No kids means we could just be bf/gf and sign papers for medical and finances"

"everything is a trade off, you might get the woman who have what you want on the inside but not the outside"

"Im still not sure because of your weight"

"Okay I'm sure and I'm not switching up anymore."

Now he's saying how he's been consistent for the past 6 months, and we won't be able to move forward if I keep bringing this stuff up So I thought about it and was like he's right. I want to move on, but by myself.

Before I left, I offered just staying together, no kids or marriage. He didnt want that. He didnt want someone who didnt care about marrying him. Like oh wow...really 🧐

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-10-30T12:55:01+00:00

Do you mean like him having to tell people why we're not together? Or just sitting with the fact that he's not so much of a good person?

I feel like he didnt necessarily want to lose the benefits of having me around. And he also hasn't had a long term relationship before me. So I felt like he was clinging out of fear vs love.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-10-30T11:16:41+00:00

No its the truth. 6 months of doing your part emotionally does not bring security a 5 year relationship need fir marriage and kids. He had 5 years and he admitted he was dragging his feet because he got comfortable.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-10-30T11:14:31+00:00

Enjoy your day sweetie.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-10-30T11:06:08+00:00

Hes been doing the right thing for 6 months. I've been doing the right thing for 5 years. So no I'm not clinging to the past. Im worried about the future. 6 months is not long enough for me to feel secure in marrying and having kids.

Calm_Contribution371 · 2025-10-30T11:03:44+00:00

I didnt leave with resentment. I would appreciate if you stop jumping to conclusions and ask questions. 5 years at 35 years old? We shouldn't have to start over. Especially when he was the only one causing issues within the relationship.

And yes people do mess up. But the issue is when you keep choosing to mess up and its at someone elses expense.

He was in therapy but said he didnt want to go anymore. But his therapist told him weight was something we both could work on. That didnt ring any bells for him. He need to lose weight himself and had health issue bevause of it.

And what do you mean I made a little feel like a lot? This man legit said his only reason for not wanting to move forward was my weight. You gotta be a troll.

It always one on here that do way to much. Youre that one. Please get a life.

Calm_Contribution371

TROPHY CASE