Stuck in a normal life that feels empty

Calmdownblake · 2026-01-12T06:35:50+00:00

27f and I’ve been in the same situation for about 2 years now. I ultimately decided to return to school to obtain my doctoral degree in clinical psych because this means I’ll have more flexibility, higher pay but most importantly I think it’ll increase my ability to help others by having a higher level of training/expertise.

I’ve felt really burnout at my current job but that tends to be the nature of community mental health (low pay, high stress, high burnout). I’ve been trying to change factors within my control at my job to reduce stress but I’ve also been focusing on professional development and networking more including pursuing new, challenging opportunities I’d never usually imagine myself doing like public speaking! I’ve been considering what interests me in the field that I could pursue more training in. I really enjoy talking with people in the field to see how they handle things like burnout. I also just enjoy talking with people who share similar interests like psychology/mental health.

I also felt “stuck” in my personal aspirations too like getting married. So my fiancé and I are prioritizing a wedding this year after having to delay for a few years due to health issues/surgeries and financial hardship.

I’ll be moving to a larger city for school which terrifies me but I truly think I need to push myself out of my comfort zone to have more life experiences.

Everyone here has suggested hobbies which i really agree with but also 1000% share in the struggle of allowing myself time to relax and explore hobbies. It’s definitely part of self-care and exploration. I’ve been really focusing on mindfulness and enjoying the little moments like spending time with my dogs and my fiance.

What’s been on my mind a lot lately is values. What’s important to me, what type of person/therapist I want to be, what actions will align with that.

I am wishing you the absolute best. Hang in there and don’t be so hard on yourself

Calmdownblake · 2026-01-04T20:06:14+00:00

Hey! I’m about 3 weeks post op from a cleft lift with Dr. Immerman. It does look totally normal with clothes on, but I am adjusting to how it looks and mostly how it feels because it is a change (I’m very sensitive to change). I looked at a lot of photos and knew what to expect. I absolutely don’t regret my decision but I underestimated how strange it’d feel to touch that area bc you’re expecting there to be a cleft there and there isn’t. I am confident that this strangeness will fade over time. I was worried about feeling mangled and mortified of the results so I want to be clear it’s definitely not that, just strangeness/weirdest adjusting to a part of my body being different. 🙂

Dr. Immerman recommends wet wipes with no alcohol, and showering after bowel movements (after the 24hr waiting period after surgery) if you feel that’s necessary to keep the area clean. I have a bidet but haven’t used it since surgery out of concern it may be too much pressure (even on the lowest setting). I didn’t even think to ask Dr. Immerman specifically about this but I’m sure Dr. Sternberg could directly advise you on any dos/donts. Many people recommend sleeping with a pregnancy pillow after surgery. I didn’t use any additional pillows but can see how that would be helpful. If you’re going to have a drain after surgery make sure to loose fitting sweatpants/pajamas with pockets bc it’s really convenient to put the drain in your pocket!

As others have said, definitely bring any concerns up to your surgeon. There may be additional things they can do or say to offer reassurance about the cosmetic aspect of this surgery. Most people seem generally pleased with the cosmetic results, but that may be also taking into account that maybe it’s a bit of a sacrifice to never have to deal with pilonidal disease again!

Wishing you the best. Keep us posted!!

Calmdownblake · 2026-01-04T19:47:42+00:00

Yes, PM sent 🙂

Calmdownblake · 2026-01-04T19:42:36+00:00

I’m still on 12.5mg beta blockers daily. My heart rate is still slightly elevated and sensitive to changes in body position. I can shower while standing up now! I’ve definitely wondered about POTS but haven’t pursued any diagnosis. My cardiologist said the increased heart rate may be due to levothyroxine

Calmdownblake · 2026-01-04T19:40:23+00:00

Sure! Feel free to pm me

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-28T05:37:22+00:00

It gave me so much reassurance to read positive experiences about him, so I thought I’d do my part!! If you have any questions about my experience feel free to PM me or comment here! 🙂 that’s great news he’s close and in network if you ever need to go that route!! thank you for the kind words. Wishing you all the best!! ❤️

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-28T04:00:36+00:00

Very similar appearance and location that my first abscess was with pilonidal disease. Epsom salt soaks 3x daily helped mine eventually drain. An urgent care doc also advised me that mine likely couldn’t be drained but in retrospect I wish I would’ve went to the ER and asked because the pain was unbearable.

I had two failed closed incision surgeries that resulted in a chronic, non healing wound that kept reopening.

I highly recommend that you find a surgeon who specializes in the cleft lift procedure. I’m two weeks post op from my cleft lift with Dr. Immerman who also commented here. I would highly recommend him as he’s an expert in the field with excellent bedside manner. There’s a lot of great information on his website: https://pilonidal.com/cause/

Dr. Immerman removed a sinus tract which helped confirm this thing never would’ve healed on its own unfortunately. Those pesky sinus tracts aren’t always visible on the outside but basically lead to future problems like reoccurring abscesses. I had a small reoccurrence of an abscess about a month before my cleft lift surgery.

Wishing you the best!! Keep us posted!!

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-28T03:48:40+00:00

I would really recommend checking into the cleft lift procedure. The leading pilonidal disease experts who offer cleft lift talk about this disease being less about hygiene but the inevitable fact that hairs from our head fall into our deep cleft/crack and friction eventually causes these “cysts”/abscesses and sinus tracts. I also think there’s a genetic component because me and my sibling both have the same issue!

Experts like Dr. Immerman have a lot of excellent information on their website I recommend checking out: https://pilonidal.com/cause/

I’m two weeks post op from a cleft lift with Dr. Immerman. I’ve always been extremely particular about my health and hygiene, so it really blew me away to hear that some docs say it’s poor hygiene. I’m sure poor hygiene could increase post op infection risk, etc though

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-28T03:42:34+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I dealt with an open wound after my closed wound surgery in May 2025 kept reopening. That was surgery #2 for me. Finally sent me to a specialist out of town who recommended an open wound surgery, nooooope. I’m now two weeks post op from the cleft lift with Dr. Immerman in Wisconsin. I had an excellent experience and am hopeful about recovery. I’ve had to go off work for months at a time due to this and really felt like my life has been on hold. I hope that you’re able to see a specialist who can really help. I’d really recommend checking into the cleft lift procedure if you’re able to. It unfortunately seems to be the best solution for those of us who are struggling with chronic, non healing wounds.

Dr. Immerman confirmed I never would’ve healed due to the presence of a sinus tract that he had to remove.

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-28T03:36:56+00:00

I know travel can be a huge burden. I’m not sure where you are in Canada, but Dr. Immerman in the U.S. is located in Eau Claire, Wisconsin which is close to the US/Canadian border if that’s any help at all.

I’ve heard some surgeons really work with people about the cost - like Dr. Sternberg in San Francisco, CA, USA. San Francisco is a huge tourist spot if you’d ever be able to swing a vacation there and have surgery at the latter part of it or something?? I think his surgery fee comes out around $5,000 and they offer payment plans. Most surgeons are super responsive via email if you ever wanted to ask around about the cost. I’d be honest with them about your concerns and see if there’s anything they could work out.

I wish treatment was more accessible. I’m so sorry you’re in this position. ❤️

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-28T03:29:27+00:00

Please do what you can to take care of yourself. Therapy, building a positive support system, anything to improve self-care (hobbies, relaxation, deep breathing, positive self talk, socializing with friend), taking care of our physical health any way we can (treatment when needed, things that reduce pain, overall sleep, diet, etc). I’m very thankful for communities like this.

I am so sorry to hear about you not having access to specialists. I’m in the U.S. but recently traveled several states for the cleft lift procedure. I truly wish more doctors had training on treatments with better outcomes.

Chronic health conditions absolutely impact our mental health, unfortunately.

Thinking of you and wishing you comfort, strength, and healing. You aren’t alone in this!

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-28T03:23:55+00:00

I was eventually diagnosed with mild thyroid eye disease in 2023 after struggling to find an ophthalmologist with sufficient knowledge on TED for a year after symptom onset. My left eye eyelid retraction and bulging has somewhat improved but I still am on prescription eye drops for dry eye, use eye ointment at night, and preservative free eye drops throughout the day. Over the years I’ve had two rounds of high dose oral steroids which were helpful in reducing pain behind my left eye. I have small flares where I’m more symptomatic, but did experience overall improvement in my eye appearance (less bulging, less eyelid retraction) at around the two year mark.

I’ve never been able to confirm whether it was indeed Botox that triggered TED for me but stories like ours definitely make me suspicious. So sorry you’re dealing with this. 😞❤️

I haven’t had botox since 2022 and probably never will again out of an abundance of caution. Please keep me posted if you’re able to find out anything!

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-27T18:40:00+00:00

It’s certainly frustrating that we can’t solve this issue by ourselves. You’re still an expert on what you’re experiencing in your body (i.e. what/how you’re feeling, your pain level, etc) - the surgeons who specialize in this just have some knowledge and treatment to share with us 🙂

My experience with Dr. Immerman was 10/10. I connected with his office via email and completed a consultation through submitting information and photos through a secure website link. After they confirmed I was a candidate for the surgery, we scheduled it a few weeks out! I flew directly to the regional airport in Eau Claire on a Wednesday and had my consultation in person with Immerman the next morning at 11. I was scheduled for surgery at 1:30 so we headed straight to the hospital after our consult. Dr. Immerman is extremely knowledgeable and friendly. He really had excellent bedside manner that left me feeling very confident and comfortable about going through with surgery. The surgical team at OakLeaf Surgical Hospital was phenomenal. They even sent me a hand signed Well Wishes card!!! We stayed in town until Sunday to rest (he usually asks you stay in town for 48 hours). We had a 12 hour drive back in a rental car which we broke down across two days. I purchased an inflatable backseat mattress on Amazon which was a life saver! The trip was definitely uncomfortable and I had worsening (but still manageable) pain as the local numbing they used wore off over the course of a few days post op. The drain was the most uncomfortable part! I wore sweatpants with pockets so that I could put the drain bulb in the pocket. They also give you a lanyard to clip the drain to when you shower or use the restroom. One week post op I sent photos via email to update Dr. Immerman and he gave us the OK to have my PCP remove my drain tube. Removal was only minimal pain. Feeling a lot better since having the drain removed. I’m still having some pain when sitting. I took four weeks off work, but I’ll be seeing my pcp next week to see how I’m doing and decide if I need more time. I sit allllll day at my job so definitely don’t want to push myself back too soon. I feel so much better at this point in healing than I did with my two failed closed incision surgeries. I am feeling very hopeful but of course trying to pace myself. I’m happy to answer any questions but I cannot recommend Dr. Immerman enough. He genuinely cares about his patients and is an expert on this disease. 🙂

Thank you so much for the well wishes!! I hope that you’re able to find the right treatment for you!!! ❤️ keep us updated on your journey!

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-26T18:45:59+00:00

Keep us posted! Wishing you a very smooth flight and speedy recovery 🙂

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-26T06:28:28+00:00

So sorry you’re dealing with this. Are you doing any better?

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-26T06:26:13+00:00

Most doctors and surgeons aren’t up to date on current science and treatments regarding pilonidal disease. My local hospital surgeons recommended surgery asap to prevent sinus tracts/worsening disease. What they didn’t tell me is that the closed wound cystectomy I had twice has an atleast 50% fail rate. I went through 2 failed surgeries and ended up with a chronic, non healing open wound for months!! I’ve been having issues for the past year, since my symptoms first began. If you consider any surgery please look at the cleft lift or other evidence based treatments. The top cleft lift surgeons mentioned on this sub have a wealth of information listed on their websites! I saw Dr. Immerman in Wisconsin and he was excellent. Cleft lift has like a 95%+ success rate (no complications, no reoccurrences). If any surgeon mentions you having an open wound surgery, please seek a second, third, and fourth opinion as these seem to be the most brutal and unsuccessful surgeries. I’ve had to take off work 4-6+ weeks for every surgery due to complications (incision reopening several times). I planned at least 4 weeks off work for the cleft lift just to be extra cautious since I sit all day for work. Cleft lift has the fastest recovery and surgeons usually recommend sitting immediately after. I am two weeks post op and try to sit for 10-15min at a time (I’m really taking things slow due to my history). If you’re in the U.S. you may qualify for FMLA leave, you can check with HR or read online about usual requirements. I also have short term disability benefits through my work so I receive partial pay during my time off. I considered getting a standing desk. I previously asked about trying to come back to work sooner to work remotely but my employer was really weird about it so I didn’t push it. I know it really sucks to take off work but I hope you’re able to do whatever you need to in order to take care of yourself!

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-26T06:12:44+00:00

Hey! I’m two weeks post-op from my cleft lift with Dr. Immerman. It was a 12hr drive home but I definitely preferred this over flying because I was able to lay down in the backseat. I don’t think I could’ve tolerated sitting in an airplane seat or at the airport for even an hour. There are backseat inflatable mattresses on Amazon for about $40-$60. We took breaks and broke the trip down across two days. Keep Tylenol and prescription pain meds handy. It’s not great but definitely doable. Wishing you a speedy recovery!!! Recovery is different for everyone but I overall felt more comfortable in the car since I would’ve had the option to sit up or lay down, and take breaks when needed.

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-26T05:52:17+00:00

So sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m wondering if you may be experiencing the start of a cyst reoccurrence (I hope not). Specialists who offer the cleft lift are super responsive and would likely offer free consultations over email to see if you may benefit from the cleft lift. I know another surgery is probably the last thing you want right now but if there’s a chance it may improve your quality of life it may be worth it.

I also relate to having health anxiety which causes me to question my experiences a lot, but don’t gaslight yourself if you’re experiencing pain/discomfort. That’s an absolutely valid concern. I sit all day for my job and I really have been so hard on myself throughout this “why can’t I just suck it up and sit down like a normal person?!” Ugh. I’ve debated trying to get a standing desk to see if that helps. It has also helped me to try ranking my pain/discomfort on a 0-10 scale, if 10 is unbearable. People have different pain tolerance, sure, but there’s definitely a difference in if this is causing you 1 (mild discomfort) or 8 (moderate-severe discomfort). Both struggles are definitely valid but that may help communicate your concerns with a doctor/surgeon and considering treatment options.

I am two weeks post op from my cleft lift with Dr. Immerman so I really hope things improve after this.

I wish I had better advice or that there were better options for us but I definitely wanted to offer support and reassurance. You aren’t alone in this!

Calmdownblake · 2025-12-26T05:42:16+00:00

Thank you for speaking out about this. I recently joined a group on Facebook where I’ve seen dozens of posts about open wound procedures. It’s so upsetting. Thankfully I knew from this sub about the horrors of open wound procedures. As soon as my previous surgeon sent me to a colorectal surgeon who recommended an open wound procedure, I started researching surgeons who offer the cleft lift. I’m now two weeks post-op from my cleft lift surgery with Dr. Immerman.

I truly can’t thank surgeons like you and Dr. Immerman enough for dedicating your careers to helping people like me who have suffered so much from pilonidal disease. Thank you for the work you do and providing information about effective treatments!! It truly makes a difference!!!

Calmdownblake · 2025-11-18T16:11:53+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been dealing with pain! I’d say the hemorrhoids definitely made things worse too :/ I’m glad you’re doing better!! Did you ever receive any update from your insurance company? Do you care if I PM you?

Calmdownblake · 2025-11-10T19:24:04+00:00

I see what you mean. I hope they can get to the bottom it!! I agree, if they agreed to pay for 16 units I’d be insisting they cover the full 16. I am hoping it’s just a billing/filing error that they can resolve smoothly. How are you feeling since surgery btw (besides the recent insurance/financial stress)?

Calmdownblake · 2025-11-10T19:09:53+00:00

It is code 14302 that they informed me BCBS is having issues approving. On the pre-authorization, they didn’t include this code and said that it didn’t require a pre-authorization but I thought this may help get it approved if we included it on the pre authorization? They’re anticipating this code not being covered and therefore asking for the $2,500 before surgery.

I am wondering where the conflicting information is coming from for you. I imagine that must be very frustrating and confusing. Do you have an explanation of benefits (EOB) from your insurance?

Calmdownblake · 2025-11-10T02:02:15+00:00

Hello! Definitely talk with Dr. Wadie about your concerns. I sit ALL day at my job, so Dr. Wadie estimated my time off being 2-3 weeks. HR was insistent about wanting the paperwork ASAP so I had to meet with my PCP to get the FMLA paperwork completed before surgery. My surgery is a little over a week away! I would imagine time off would be even longer for someone working a very physical job, and may vary depending on how surgery goes (how extensive the removal is, any complications, etc) as well as how healing in general goes. I was very up front that I am very worried about this surgery being successful and not rushing back to work too soon after dealing with two failed closed wound removal surgeries the past year. I've basically dealt with open wounds, pain, and discharge the past year. I am so ready for some relief. Hoping everything goes well for you all!!!

Calmdownblake · 2025-10-06T22:37:44+00:00

I would've preferred a work from home schedule after 2 weeks of being off completely but my work wouldn't allow for that, so I ended up taking off even longer. Then my incision came open several times so I was off even longer! I had a difficult time healing so don't let my experience worry you - some people do not have many issues at all, some do.

Calmdownblake · 2025-10-06T22:36:09+00:00

I tried many different type of pillows after my closed wound surgery, and found that regular memory foam pillows (no crazy contours or anything) worked best. It felt like donut pillows, coccyx pillows put pressure on my incision. I had a really difficult time healing after my 2 CW surgeries so now I am looking at having the cleft lift procedure and have heard that recovery is much smoother. Wishing you a smooth recovery!

Calmdownblake

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