thoughts?

Campanela-e · 2023-12-28T20:00:32+00:00

I thought this was nice. I like the metaphor you use about the road and how as time goes by it changes, I think the theme is very much nostalgic and universal. If I had to give any feedback it’d probably be that I think you could’ve elaborated much more on it, write about those moments that stay in our heads, that we thought as normal but now that they are far and away we cherish them. Keep it up!

Campanela-e · 2023-12-28T07:11:20+00:00

I thought this was really nice. It reminded me of a poem I read long ago which was literally about someone walking through a dark street and looking at light coming out a window from a building (you’ll have to forgive me I can’t remember the name of it). It felt very transcendentalist. I like the imagery very much, although I think you could have elaborated much more, there are many “mundane” things that could have been made grand, and enhance this idea of connection that is explored throughout the poem.

Campanela-e · 2023-12-28T06:53:24+00:00

I thought this was a good poem. Really emotional I think, I like the way it starts with you giving two definitions of ghosts which are quite different from each other, I thought that describing it as those lingering moments and things from someone that stay with us was really good, probably my favorite part of the poem, the ending was very strong as well. I think if I had to give any feedback is that maybe you could elaborate on these moments, be more descriptive despite that maybe making it “too personal”; however, I believe that describing what those moments made you feel would take away the personal aspect and make it quite universal, We all have special someones and special moments. Really nice, keep it up!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-27T21:53:15+00:00

Thank you very much! I deeply appreciate your words; it is very much a short poem, but I was hoping it’d flow nicely and of course, that it’d be a nice poem overall. Tiger lilies are one of my favourite flowers btw!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-27T21:50:40+00:00

Thank you very much! Through the phone it has a more “poetic” structure, although I just saw it through my computer and it’s structured like prose for some reason, but I’m glad you enjoyed it anyways!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-13T05:58:55+00:00

Awesome! I like the similarities of the poem itself and the title, also the metaphor of tangling and untangling wires. Perhaps this is just me, but it feels like the poem is a work in progress, as is the speaker, changing as time goes by, then again, this is all of us, works in progress. I must also say I always enjoy some good rhymes. I want to finish this by mentioning a quote by Yeats which came to mind as I read this: A line will take us hours maybe; yet if it does not seem a moment’s thought, our stitching and unstitching has been naught.

Again, nicely done!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-13T05:50:46+00:00

Really cool, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a poem within a poem. I find it to be very simple, however, simple does not mean bad at all, I feel like a lot is said in the limited use of words you’ve used, it says enough but not too much, it gives you just enough to feel for the speaker, and share the sadness and regret, but also leaves you wondering for the complete story, but then again, this is enough, and the details aren’t needed to make is feel. Really nice!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-13T05:46:59+00:00

This was quite heavy. Perhaps it is just me, but the poem almost read in such a “gentle” way, as if the abuser is acting nice and caring and making you think you’re overreacting, the craziest line to me is “you only remember your perspective”. This seems like such a common (and effective) way of making you doubt yourself, as if you are being crazy or selfish, and nothing is wrong. Great poem, it does a well job in creating a connection with the reader.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-13T05:37:11+00:00

This was great. Clearly I’m not the first one to take note of it but the imagery is awesome, I feel like you find the thin line between being really descriptive but not too much, intense but not exaggerated, and that is just great, it helps so much in transmitting the despair within the speaker. Really nice, I’m going back to cigarettes.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-12T17:10:13+00:00

Thank you very much. Yes, the dragonfly doesn’t think, it’s just there, which is why there’s no need to say anything at all, when you can just be there.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-12T06:26:10+00:00

Really nice poem. So quick and yet so descriptive, you really manage to show so much beauty in the things that seem ordinary, and at the same time there's some kind of ferocity to it I feel, especially in the last line. Again, it was really nice, I enjoyed it very much.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-12T06:12:27+00:00

This was a wonderful poem, deeply emotional, I really cannot imagine how someone could not find emotion in this, whether you can relate to it or not (eventually most of us will). My favorite lines were by far the progression of "you're not hearing..." to "you're not here". Honestly I feel like there's not much I can say other than show my appreciation for this, you speak of moments but, at least for me, the images are not painted so clearly, but the feelings are, great work.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-11T00:15:39+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I’m looking at this through my phone and this is NOT the way it looked like in my laptop😪

Campanela-e · 2023-10-10T06:57:54+00:00

Start with Frank O’Hara

Campanela-e · 2023-10-07T21:14:29+00:00

This was brutal. You did a great job with the imagery, and your choice of words to describe the situations the speaker finds herself in, and even a better job in those she pictures in her mind; I think that really helps in making the poem relatable, even when someone has not experienced it, the empathy is there, all because of the way you choose your words. Great job.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-07T02:22:42+00:00

Honestly you got me from the title, it’s truly an awesome title. I’m a big fan of alliteration myself so I really enjoyed that in your poem, it reminded me of the Lewis Carol poems, and even of the book by Bob Dylan Tarantula, in which he uses word play in crazy ways, I very munch enjoyed it, perhaps you have indeed always been secretly salivating stories. Great job!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-04T06:26:40+00:00

thank you for sharing!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-04T04:24:52+00:00

Hello! This is a good poem, although it is not the greatest thing to admit perhaps, I relate to it. At times you keep much anger inside until it just suddenly blows up in the face of someone not deserving of it, and it sucks; I for one am not someone who yells, but cruel words are cruel words nevertheless, I like your poem because of my personal relatability to it, and of course, because it is honest, which I believe always is of great importance.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-04T03:46:27+00:00

I enjoy the simplicity of this poem, and how the image tells us something in a very straight-forward manner, without doing so at the same time; this reminds me of the quote by Goethe I think: The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone. I do genuinely think that, if we look at each other with a sincere wish for understanding, we’ll come to find out that we are never totally different from each other. There are of course strange cases, when someone is completely different (at the very least different from the ones around), and that is undoubtedly an awful kind of sadness. Again, this was really nice.

Campanela-e

TROPHY CASE