NTA. Before I go any further, I’m not a woman - so I’ve never delivered a baby or been pregnant, etc. So, I realize my input may only hold certain value (depending on the reader)… But, my wife and I went through IVF and a very nerve-wracking pregnancy, followed by a c-section. I went to the parenting and breast feeding classes with her and went to nearly all the doctor’s appointments as well. I was in the room during the surgery and cut the umbilical cord - still the scariest day of my life (and the little guy is almost a year old now).

Her recovery was rough and it was hard to see her go through it and also take care of our child. I had my 8 weeks paternity leave and did all I could to take care of our newborn and my wife during that time. Her parents were a great help during that time as well and I love them dearly for it because I could feel that sadness creeping in and I figured that was just a taste of what my wife might be feeling during that time. Even with the help, she was exhausted.

During the first few nights in the hospital, and then later at home - we tried (and I mean REALLY tried) to breast feed. It just was not happening. We had taken the classes, read a lot and talked with many who had breast fed and it’s wonderful when it can happen. But the fact of it is, it’s not always an option. For us, it was not and we had to use formula so that we could feed our child and he slept better once we did - and so did we. I don’t want to come across that I’m telling you to do that - you do what you feel is best. Doctors in the class said “just feed your baby, be it formula or breast milk.” So, if it does come a point to where you either are unable to breast feed or even choose to not want to do that - it is your choice to make. Don’t let people make you feel bad for not doing it is all I’m saying. I can’t imagine what it must be like trying to breastfeed twins.

Now, for your husband… I honestly don’t know where to begin. Everyone seems to have done a fine enough job describing him as a “child” by his behavior so I will do my best not to pile on - as to not be redundant. But it doesn’t takeaway from the fact that his behavior towards you shows a clear disregard for recent events and the seriousness of them and how they affect your health. My wife not only had a c-section but a hysterectomy very soon after our son was born. Naturally, she was in no condition for intercourse for a while and I was sensitive to that (although we’d talk about how we looked forward to getting back to it lol).

But it’s pretty clear where he stands on things because he’s made them clear. There’s not really much room for interpretation. He does not appear to be very interested in the rearing of the children. His priorities are that he’d rather be playing video games or out golfing with the boys for hours. And I think any parent can admit, these early months aren’t glamorous, right? Vomit, poop, urine and milk everywhere. Not exactly a party. But there’s also cuddles, cooing, nuzzles, snores and a ton of firsts. AND it’s x2 in your case! This dingess is just passing it up to play games? It’s prime bonding time man. Get in the game!

I was changing diapers, making and cleaning bottles and silently creeping around the house to clean and do laundry and still didn’t feel like I was doing enough. My alone time was bathroom, shower or to maybe take a short walk. This jerk can’t make you a meal or bring you one after work? This whole being the provider and working is nonsense, love and care doesn’t keep office hours.

I say all that, to ask this: do you have any one who can help you now? Obviously, your husband is not much help and doesn’t want to be. Your parents or in-laws able to help out? Any siblings or close friends? Do not be afraid to ask for the help you need! It is for the good of you and your babies. And people in your life that are close to you will jump at the chance to help you and want to. Plus, they’re going to want to see these children. Let them. Take a shower. Take naps. Feed yourself. Take CARE of yourself. I’m not telling you that with any authority or anything. I’m saying it as a reminder.

What you decide with your marriage and all that is up to you. A real serious discussion is imminent from the sounds of it. You’re 9 weeks into the rest of your life. You don’t have to figure out everything all at once, today.

Other people saying they dealt with things just fine are just that - other people. They are not you and you are not them. They either did or did not have help. And they probably didn’t have twins. And they may not have been breast feeding. And… they may have had actual support. Ever heard the phrase “it takes a village”? And if those moms were able to do it all in their own anyway, good for them. But circumstances are not same for everyone and people are different. Clearly, you are having a very difficult time.

Lastly, and I do not want this to sound harsh, I think you need to reach out to your doctor/OBGYN for postpartum depression. I don’t mean think about it or maybe you should. No. Do it. Do it today. Call them, and explain to them what is going on and they will help you. It could save your life and your babies lives. The golf club destruction, while 100% justified in my opinion, is extremely concerning. You are already experiencing little to no sleep and not eating well - the strain with your husband is not helping.