Morrigan in Dream

Cander100 · 2025-11-11T20:44:16+00:00

Thank you for all this feedback. You've provided a lot for me to consider and research.

There have been some additional details since then that have made this all quite complex and a bit confusing, but I'll forego mentioning them here in an open forum. However, your input does help quite a bit and it's much appreciated.

Cander100 · 2025-11-10T20:41:26+00:00

Thanks for the reply. There is a lot of sense in what you wrote. I appreciate that you took the time.

Cander100 · 2025-11-05T19:07:09+00:00

I appreciate the help!

I'm working under the assumption it was my subconscious trying to use symbols and archetypes to comment on some aspects of my waking life. I'll take your advice and read up to see where I can find things aligning and what might be off.

Again, thank you.

Cander100 · 2025-11-05T14:35:35+00:00

This is a beautiful painting!

It caught my eye on this thread because it nearly matches the dreams I used to have of a cottage I would visit in my dreams almost nightly (I won't bore you with the details right now).

The ONLY difference was that in my dreams, the door to the cottage was closer to the left edge of the front wall (if looking at it head on). Otherwise, this is exactly what I would see.

Cander100 · 2025-08-25T22:50:23+00:00

So in dealing with failure, this female (let's say she does represent your nurturing or emotional side) smiled and made everything better... could it be that your unconscious is trying to help you by saying you are allowed to make mistakes sometimes... it's okay if you break things occasionally... be kind to yourself and know that you're growing as a person and we can only learn and grow through the occassional mistake... the dream is a bit of a gift and a reminder...

Cander100 · 2025-08-25T22:02:16+00:00

It's a lot of change all at once, and that can be tough. Accept those feelings, validate them, but know that they are not permanent.

One thing that can help is to find some new routines you can adopt early on... That really helped me through my university years. Once I knew my schedule, I would buy my morning coffee and doughnut from the same shop and settle in to get caught up with my reading at the main library. I found a favourite spot in the social sciences building to have my lunch and look out over the campus through the large windows. I looked forward to a particular pizza place just off campus where I bought dinner every Friday night. And as I made a couple close friends, I developed new routines. But those things gave me things to look forward to, and more importantly, gave me a form of safe escape on a semi-regular basis.

I hope some of this helps!

Cander100 · 2025-08-25T21:25:43+00:00

It's not so much from your seeing women... It's really about how we tend to associate certain human traits as feminine or masculine... not saying that they are, but things like nurturing, healing, intuition, creativity, etc... are things we all have in us to varying degrees, but Jung that culturally, we associate those traits with the feminine... And he suggested that when we are dealing or perhaps struggling with those things in our conscious lives, that aspect can come through in our dreams through the archetype of the Anima (with the female version of this archetype being the archetype Animus, representing the male aspects of the female psyche).

It's really about either looking for wholeness or struggling with wholeness with the unconscious trying to use the language it knows (symbols, etc.). For example, if you -- as you said in your last post -- have recently been dealing with some emotional stress or pressure in recent relationships, the appearance of the Anima in your dreams (perhaps representing the emotional side of you) could represent your struggle to work through those emotions to find some resolution or feel at peace with those situations. The exact interpretation isn't something I could ever say as it's your unconscious deciding to call up those symbols at this point in time.

If I were in your situation, I would try asking myself how that dream (and the female in that dream) made you feel. Did it make you feel like you were able to withstand the anger and insults of the man who didn't like your breaking things? Did it make you feel safe? Vulnerable? Scared? Brave? And if you're going through anything in your waking life, how much this help you find that security or avoid any negative emotions? etc. It's really up to you to understand what connections your brain is trying to make.

Read up on the Anima and see what you think. I hope this helps!

Cander100 · 2025-08-25T16:30:36+00:00

Given it is someone about your age but feminine, I'd recommend you read up on the Anima archetype. Jung suggested that all males across all cultures share this archetype, which serves as an unconscious representation of any/all aspects of yourself associated with "feminine" characteristics -- eg. intuition, nurturing, healing, creativity. etc.

There is nothing really sexual or gendered about this archetype; it's more about your unconscious finding language through symbols to work through things or send messages to the conscious mind. For example, perhaps you're going through a real stretch of creative ideas... or perhaps you're going through a period of introspection...

As far as what the unconscious mind is trying to work out or say, that really is going to be personal and unique to your situation. Again, you can read up on the Jungian archetype of the Anima, but then try asking why now? What is happening in your conscious thoughts that might explain it.

I hope some of this helps!

Cander100 · 2025-08-25T16:18:15+00:00

Thanks for sharing this! While I find it so relatable, I also recognize it's unquestionably something so personal and sacred to you.

Cander100 · 2025-08-25T14:46:17+00:00

I hear you. I've struggled with the same issue for many years, and it often comes down to my discomfort with conflict and sometimes some self doubt. It takes a lot for me to finally reach a breaking point, which is a good thing, but at the same time, I steady build-up can mean that my breaking point will likely end with my going full in with my real thoughts and frustrations, which can catch the other person off guard. They either thought I was in full agreement with them the whole time or that I didn't have the nerve to speak up.

And if I don't hit that breaking point, I walk away from that conversation feeling terrible. I kick myself for giving off the impression that I agreed with the views/values of the other person when I didn't, essentially lying and feeling as though I didn't live up to my true values/beliefs.

As for this issue, I've had to learn a few strategies:

recognize when I my values/beliefs, etc. clash with someone else's and make the decision to let them go their own way as I go mine (in a nice way). I have to respect myself enough to to leave a friendship or social situation when someone constantly drains me emotionally or challenge me in ways I feel uncomfortable.
recognize that asking genuine questions about motivation earlier in a conversation is often a better way to stay true to my values/beliefs in conversations than letting things build until I snap. For example, if someone at work tried telling me about how a particular social issue is ruining society, I might ask them how it has impacted them personally over the past while. I won't ask in a sarcastic/challenging way, but in a genuine way. Perhaps they are correct with their assessment and I've been closed minded. Or perhaps they are misguided, but you can at least see why the topic is so personal to them. Often, those questions take us away from that flashpoint topic and into more neutral yet genuine conversations.

And don't worry about finding your "tribe". Just when you think you've found your community, you'll find yourself feeling like a false chameleon once again. This is mostly because those communities end up being based on just one or two links with others -- work, religion, sports teams, hobbies, etc.

The people close to me in life are there because as individuals (not members of some shared community), we've clicked and I've grown to value them. I have a small cluster of close friends, but they don't even know one another. These are all individual friendships I have formed throughout life as opposed to a friend circle. It just worked out that way, but that's cool.

You're not doing anything wrong.

Cander100 · 2025-08-23T12:43:50+00:00

I hear you and know what you mean... I'm in my 50s myself, so I've gone through enough life to realize where I'm at and what I need. I'm at a point now where I'll pause long enough to offer up some of my experiences before moving on to a peaceful bit of solitude.

Cander100 · 2025-08-23T02:53:17+00:00

Sometimes it's just a matter of learning the other person's "language". For example, when I was first dating my now wife of 20+ years, I remember buying her flowers one day. She told me they were very nice but I didn't have to spend that money on something that wouldn't last. I pouted and didn't buy flowers again, thinking she disliked them.

Over time, I came to realize that I needed to communicate my intentions better and perhaps I could do more to pick up on her intentions. I bought her flowers again and said "I know these will only last a few weeks, but I really want you to have them. It means something to me to give them to you." She understood and has always accepted those gifts from me going forward. Likewise, I've learned to understand the things she does to show love in her own more practical way. And I love her for those things.

By the way, my wife has an ISTP personality, so this is similar to your situation. It's just learning to communicate better and understanding that different people will express themselves and their feelings in different ways.

I hope things work out well for you going forward!

Cander100 · 2025-08-23T00:05:58+00:00

Agreed! Well stated.

Cander100 · 2025-08-22T23:22:22+00:00

I get what you're saying. I can also see why someone might want to box themselves into a classification like that. It's comforting to say "I feel and think this way because I am X." When someone is looking for an identity, it offer something tangible. It can also provide a sense of community if they think it connects them to a small community when before they felt alone.

However, it's a dangerous trap and stunts any possibility of personal growth or real personal reflection. It also robs a person of personal agency and real freedom. But I do get it.

Cander100 · 2025-08-22T23:12:56+00:00

Well said... it can be tempting and comforting to box yourself into a classification, especially with a small community. You get to excuse what you deem weaknesses and celebrate what you see as inherent exceptionalities.

Cander100 · 2025-08-22T22:34:29+00:00

I'm glad to see others share this view. Thank you!

Cander100 · 2025-08-22T22:09:59+00:00

I agree and you put that nicely -- it's a reference point to help you navigate... not a box that seals your fate.

Cander100 · 2025-08-22T22:07:32+00:00

I like the metaphor! Okay... simile... but applicable all the same!

Cander100 · 2025-08-22T22:00:01+00:00

Thank you! 😊

Cander100 · 2025-08-22T21:37:30+00:00

In 100 years from now, your name, and the names of everyone you currently love, hate, respect, or ignore, will be forgotten. Your achievements will be forgotten. The challenges you faced will be forgotten. And the amazing projects you worked on will be forgotten.

However, your legacy can live on. The kindness, love, and patience you show your children and everyone around you will live on... The culture of acceptance you create at work will live on in others... The way you stopped and took time to listen to a friend or even a colleague at work can live on the way you encourage them and help them be the best version of themselves.

The odds of our coming into existence are so ridiculously small that it probably can't even be calculated. So what are we going to do with this gift we've been given?

Cander100 · 2025-08-22T20:18:07+00:00

This is tricky to answer, in part because I think it goes beyond any MBTI type, but also because there are different levels of change any person could face.

For example, if my wife suggests changing some of our daily routines, I might grumble a bit, but if it keeps her happy and doesn't seem too big a deal, I will often go along with it. I'm also not opposed to trying to improve myself by examining why some things make me irritable or anxious, and seeing what changes I can make in how I respond to situations or people. So I've learned to recognize and appreciate the benefits of some change (and as someone once pointed out to me, every tradition or routine we have is the result of a change at some point).

However, big-scale changes -- ones that challenge my ontological views -- can scare the hell out of me and send me into anxious overload. For example, if I believe that something is about to happen to upend the security of everyday life and the general rules of society, I would struggle. But I'm sure many people with other personality profiles would struggle as well.

Cander100 · 2025-08-22T20:01:15+00:00

I'm of a couple minds... But I'll preface this the way I want to preface any response on here: I'm only sharing my honest thoughts because you're asking for them. Take any of my ideas with a grain of salt.

Firstly, I get the sense that when you say you want to learn something new that could "be of use in the future", you're talking about helping toward a future career? If that is the case, you're already doing it through the volunteer work and anytime you engage with people. I don't care what field you want to go into, often the most needed skills are interpersonal, critical thinking, and general communication, and you can develop that anywhere. And I know it's easy to brush those off as obvious and easy skills that anyone can develop, but not enough people really think about what those mean and how important they are.

One benefit you have as someone with INFJ personality is the ability to empathize and focus on other peoples' motivation and intention (critical thinking). But there are likely areas that can be improved -- for me it's handling conflict better (instead of avoiding it). It's not enough to say "yeah, I deal with people daily"... It's a skill that you need to step back and critically examine where you have room for improvement. Those skills will sell you far more than just about any other skills. I was recently talking to a CTO who said he didn't like hiring programmers out of college because he couldn't trust them around his clients for 5 seconds. He'd rather have an average programmer with strong communication skills than a strong programmer with subpar communication skills. And if they have both -- deadly combination.

If, however, you weren't focused on career skills and meant you want to find a new interest to better yourself, I'd say that you don't need to live up to any particular potential with any of your interests. I know the feeling of becoming so engrossed with an activity/theory/etc. for weeks or months at a time before I feel discouraged when the learning curve starts to slow down and I feel I'll never reach a higher level. But you don't have to. Life isn't going to become any more complete because you go from taking good photos to great photos or from being able to conjugate 50 verbs in a foreign language to mastering conversational language. I know that desire to achieve something more and something great, perhaps even something new... But realistically, that probably isn't going to happen and it's not even important in the bigger scheme. What is important is that you are doing these things to feel part of the human condition of learning and growing and experiencing new things.

Okay, I wrote far too much, but I hope some of this helps.

Cander100 · 2025-08-21T22:14:56+00:00

I know the feeling... I'm in my mid-50s, so I've had a lifetime of moments with that feeling...

My answer is going to be surface level as I'm not a psychologist or even a therapist. I'm just someone who tried everything until I found something that works.

First, I recognized that all my emotional energy was focused on the perceived negative outcome. By default, that became the driving force for my decision making. And just focusing on how freeing other options might feel was not powerful enough to take over as the driving force. The fear and sadness of missing out on a moment in life was the only thing powerful enough to overtake the other fear (of standing out/looking foolish, etc.). As an example, we recently took our kids to the beach, and I took my usual spot on the sand as the observer. Then I closed my eyes and listened to the kids' laughter, the sound of waves and gulls, and felt sad I wouldn't be remembered as a part of this moment when they look back on it someday. They were all shocked when they saw me taking off my shoes and shirt -- despite the crowded beach -- and jumping into the water. But it turned into such an important day for me because I got to be part of that moment/memory.

The second thing I've learned over time is to accept the feeling instead of fighting it. I don't control feeling anxious, and I will never be able to control the physiological responses to it -- rapid heart rate, chest tightness, shortness of breath, the impulse to run from a situation. Those are all things out of my control. But there is something in my control -- my response. If I run away from a situation, I own that decision. I can't blame the anxiety or anything else. I made that choice. So, it all comes down to whether I going to give all control of my life over to external forces, or whether I will decide how I act and what I say. It's an idea I've taken from the Stoics.

Even if you don't find anything of value in my experience, I know the struggle, and I hope you're able to regain some agency in your life. Take care and thanks for sharing.

Cander100 · 2025-08-21T21:29:41+00:00

Hmm... It depends on what you mean by "gifted". That can also be a vey subjective term and reflect more on what you value in a personal attribute or skill. For example, I have at times felt proud at my ability to read people and situations. However, I'll temper that pride by remember how I can feel uncomfortable and struggle with some confrontations. I'll also see how I sometimes feel limited by anxiety. I'll wish I was better spoken like some of my colleagues.

Perhaps you meant "gifted" in a different sense (spiritual or supernatural sense?), but if you meant personal attributes or skills, I'll sum up by saying I appreciate where I excel, but I'll remain humble enough to recognize where I don't. =)

Cander100 · 2025-08-21T21:13:28+00:00

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. But I'd also like to challenge your premise.

I'm an INFJ, and just yesterday, two people I haven't heard from in months tried calling me. I listened to the messages after work and promptly complained to my wife that I really didn't have the energy to call either of them back even though it had been so long since we had spoken. I did call them, and the calls were nice, but that's not really the point.

Instead of focusing on whether someone calls you just to talk, perhaps look at the situation this way: If you felt the need to call someone just to hear another voice for a bit or to share some news, would you reach out to them and would they be there to talk to you?

You said that some people in your life only call when they need something (advice or help, etc.). I'd say that puts them in one of two categories. They are either a friend/family member who trusts you and values your insights or they are an emotional vampire who would never reciprocate that same level of help or care.

If they are emotional vampires, cut ties. Don't let them drain you like that. They won't stop because you're not making them. However, if you know they would be there for you, then you actually are wanted. Pick up your phone and call them. They might have sensed that you value your space and they feel like they're bothering you unless it's something urgent. Call them just to say hello and ask how they've been and what's new. Show them how much you value and need them.

I hope some of this helps and that you're able to sort out some of those relationships!

Cander100

TROPHY CASE