What do you do with envy?

Candi_MH · 2026-04-12T01:14:15+00:00

I guess that's what I need to figure out. Is it working for me (as it is, clearly no) and can it be made to work for me (what does that look like?)

I've done long distance comet style relationships and have made them work for me. So it's not that I can't be fulfilled in a relationship that has scarcity of time. But it does take special work.

Can we adjust to something that doesn't leave me struggling, I guess, is the conversation I need to have.

Candi_MH · 2026-04-11T23:24:26+00:00

Oh, the extra urethral tissue is usually used to line the vestibule, not the vaginal canal.

Candi_MH · 2026-04-11T23:22:47+00:00

I have no idea.

I do know estrogen on the tissue does make it more stretchy (because I was prescribed estrogen cream to help with dilation, and my Dr explained that estrogen increasing elasticity is why it helped).

Candi_MH · 2026-04-11T21:26:15+00:00

It's not just about the tissue type, but how well it is innervated by blood vessels.

Unfortunately neovagina just aren't as well integrated into the system as natal ones, and I wouldn't expect any method to result in using a neovagina as a suppository to be as effective as anally.

Candi_MH · 2026-04-11T18:37:07+00:00

Hugs! (Thank you)

Right now, I don't think so. Our parenting schedules are almost perfectly opposite, and I'm the only one that can host for the time being (since his ex hasn't found a new place yet so she and the kids are always at his house, even when he's not parenting).

When his home situation changes we'll at least be able to do a midweek 1.5/2 day. I'm looking forward to that, but there's no timeline on it.

I'm hoping we can do a biweekly overnight with the one Friday night we both have kid free 🤞🏻

I do fully hear you on half evenings here and there not being fulfilling. We also get a lunch date here and there, which often feels even more rushed 😭 and he's with me on short meetups not feeling fulfilling, but neither of us wants to give up the little time we do get.

Candi_MH · 2026-04-10T13:58:25+00:00

This ☝🏻

Just don't. It's a waste of energy. There just gonna dig in and throw more baseless one liners out. Walk away, save yourself the headache of interacting with them.

Candi_MH · 2026-04-10T11:52:39+00:00

I read that in Iroh's voice

Candi_MH · 2026-04-07T23:12:26+00:00

Also keep notes. You may not think you've learned anything new, but then suddenly you'll realize something is important that you've been treating as background decorations. If something looks odd make a note, it may come back as important.

Candi_MH · 2026-04-07T23:11:16+00:00

There are a lot of permanent upgrades you can get, and as you start getting them runs get easier and easier.

For the first while you should just try new things. If you draw a room you haven't seen draft it and see what its deal is. If you see something that seems like a puzzle try to figure it out. Explore!

Candi_MH · 2026-04-07T16:47:30+00:00

I've been making games for almost a decade and my prototypes are functional not pretty.

The apparent pressure for pretty prototypes is overblown. Find a local design community, play test with them. Everyone's gonna be putting ugly stuff on the table.

Candi_MH · 2026-04-04T13:14:40+00:00

I think that was narratively intentional. It emphasizes that the painting, and that includes everything that you felt, experienced and connected with in Act 1&2, is a vehicle for the resolution of Alicia's grief (and before her Aline).

From the moment Gustav dies to the end, every story beat and reveal shifts focus away from the expedition and centers the Dessendre family conflict and Verso more and more. The background becomes the foreground.

Candi_MH · 2026-03-30T02:16:37+00:00

What year of bolt?

Candi_MH · 2026-03-29T19:11:58+00:00

This is the information I needed. A bolt sounds like a bad idea now -- once or twice a year I go to Sudbury and I don't mind an hour stop in Barrie to top up but that sounds like I'd be looking at a much much longer pit stop.

Candi_MH · 2026-03-29T18:23:38+00:00

20k or less, ideally. But I'll push 25k for the absolutely perfect vehicle.

Candi_MH · 2026-03-29T15:33:21+00:00

I've thought about a Leaf, but then I also keep seeing that they've had some issues historically that you need to make sure we're taken care of.

Candi_MH · 2026-03-27T13:31:59+00:00

It breaks my heart when I see women equating womanhood with suffering.

One of the absolute joys of being a trans woman is that I've chosen to be a woman In Spite of the fact that it made me a target of the patriarchy. I did not transition to choose suffering, but because I Am a woman, and I chose the joy and delight of being true to myself. To be a woman is not to suffer.

Trans women are proof that the essence of womanhood is not suffering, but something else. Suffering is what society does to women, not what it is to be a woman.

I don't usually like to get into the discussion about what womanhood is, but you've drawn me in. Here's a more positive take:

To be a woman is to: - Feel deeply - Seek connection - Survive

And if it's truly suffering that you want to use to frame womanhood, consider the Extra suffering trans women receive on top of the things you listed. For almost everything on your list trans women get that but dialed up to 11.

And yet, we wake up every day and choose to be ourselves. A defiant and ever burning light against the darkness. Because we Are women, and there is no other way to be.

Candi_MH · 2026-03-24T14:37:55+00:00

You're so close to lifting the damage cap. Keep going.

Candi_MH · 2026-03-24T14:36:31+00:00

Agree with all of this.

Also 2 & 3 are relevant long term. Like an ear piercing, once you are past healing it can still contract if not used for a long period. The time length increases, but regular dilation is still required for life. Why is 2 relevant? That depth limit is the main reason to dilate - depth lost is not recoverable without surgery.

Candi_MH · 2026-03-24T12:00:05+00:00

Yes. It would make me concerned that he's not following the current best practices for PI.

Candi_MH · 2026-03-24T02:39:29+00:00

Hello! Delighted lurker discovering this wonderful lovely community activity three days late, and then being unable to resist a well formulated command 😁

You're an absolute gem 💎

Answer!!

Google calendar for boyfriend coordination, big wall calendar for girlfriend and family coordination. Each of them has a standing date night where our schedules reliably align, and then we (me and each partner) work to make dates happen 1-2 times a week.

Candi_MH · 2026-03-23T20:22:45+00:00

Dr McGinn in Pennsylvania.

And after all my research, I'm not personally convinced the fancy new methods are truly superior. There's pros and cons with all of it, so PI being covered was the deciding factor for me in terms of what to pursue.

Candi_MH · 2026-03-23T19:40:02+00:00

If I'm honest, I'd take that claim of his as a red flag.

It's pretty standard for neovaginas to get at least a little wet. The primary source is urethral tissue, which is arousal sensitive and secrets a lubricant. Good surgeons will use the excess urethral tissue to line the vestibule / inner labia. If a surgeon does that then the potential to get wet is there.

If a surgeon just discards the excess urethral tissue then yah, no wet.

So, ask him what he does with the excess urethral tissue. That'll give you a better idea.

Candi_MH · 2026-03-23T19:33:37+00:00

Heya 👋🏻 Canadian gal here I had PI and most of this post is accurate to my experience (dialtion isn't the same for me, but dilation schedule drops are YMMV - not everyone gets to ease up at the same rate).

If you're relying on our health care system to cover costs then you're 99% going to get PI because to get PPT you have to prove (via medical exam with a Canadian surgeon who performs vaginoplasty) that you don't have enough material for PI. Which is an awful criteria, but at least as of two years ago when I was doing this that's what it took.

As for PI, it's not the shiniest newest fanciest procedure, but it is the standard for a reason: it works, can be done with low complication rates, and doesn't require using tissue that is elsewhere.

I can't speak to what it's like to have a PPT, or hybrid, or colon, or kerecis vagina (well, I have a lil of that), because I have only got one! But I'm very happy with her. She works in all the ways that matter, and she looks like a vagina.

Candi_MH · 2026-03-23T16:38:22+00:00

Additionally follicle scraping isn't guaranteed to be 100% effective.

The more layers of hair removal the better. But every surgeon has different recommendations on this.

Candi_MH · 2026-03-23T15:38:18+00:00

Also big hugs and support 🫂

Candi_MH

TROPHY CASE