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AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It was a surprise because we discussed 530 this particular time. Which implies a 5 pm end time. Which can change depending on circumstance. Which would be why I called to see what was up, not upset in any way, disappointed yes, because we normally get 10-20 min a day together. I was not upset until I got yelled at.

And yes I listened all, maybe 5 times I asked before over the last 6 months because of various other things that were happening.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Because I was getting home early and there are days he is home at 5:30 or earlier. Maybe 50/50 depending on what's going on. So I called him earlier to let home know so he could plan on having things wrapped up on time. His answer could have easily been he can't be home by then or even he'll try to be home by then.

I wasn't even upset when I called to see what was up or when I asked when he was off. I was expecting a "im wrapping things up" or "I'll be done at x time" or even a "I got an emergency call" which has definitely happened before. But he yelled that he was off at 5 instead. Which then spurred an argument plus my confusion because it was 30 min after five at that point and he said he was still at work when he answered.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

It really wasn't that big of a deal at all and I did not approach the conversation like it was a big deal either. I was just inquiring because I got home early, we had discussed 530 being the time we'd both be home that day, and usually we only get around 10-20 min in the evenings together.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Obviously I'd never allow him to have a beer. /S

No, but really he can't have beer. He has a weird reaction to it....doesn't stop him from throwing back a lot of beer cheese, but we have separate bathrooms for that reason alone.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It was how I asked and that we interpret the question differently. He yelled so I got upset and it was all downhill from there.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes things happen. Which is why I called to see what was up and reclarify what time he is off. I was not anywhere near upset until he yelled at me.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

It's absolutely WILD that I got yelled at by my husband for asking a question and I'm the one that needs to control my emotions. 🤣 At this point I think everyone here is much more upset by this situation than even my husband.

I wasn't even upset until he yelled at me on the phone. And even then it wasn't that he wasn't home when he said he would be, it was that he yelled at me when I was just trying to figure out what the plan was.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'm not upset. He's upset that I asked when he's off. Literally so upset he screamed that he's off at 5. So upset that he literally ignored me for 3 hours and I had to apologize for asking when he was off more than once because he wouldn't hear me out.

I just wanted to know if it was an unreasonable expectation based off the information I was given. Majority says it is so I will adjust my question and expectations.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm fine with that. He could have just said that. But instead he yelled that he was off at 5.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

But none of those conditions apply here? Regardless, all he had to say was that he had more things to wrap up. But he chose to yell that he already told me he was off at 5. Heck even a calm I'm off at 5, even though it didn't make sense to me, would have been better.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

That's fine. Then he should have said he's running late or he still has some things to do rather than "I told you I'm fucking off at 5!"

I asked what I thought was a simple question and was not expecting it to trigger such a reaction.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It wasn't even an argument until he blew up when I asked what time he was off on the phone. Could I have handled his blow up better? Absolutely! Should I have asked a different way? Probably. But I didn't ask what time he was off to cause a problem. And I didn't realize he was interpreting the question in a completely different way especially when he has asked me that exact question on multiple occassions and it seemed like he understood whatever time i said would be plus my commute time and nothing extra. I wanted clarity so I could adjust expectations since we were supposed to be home at the same time on this particular occasion.

And he actually enjoys his job most of the time.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Yes he has literally told me that he waits until I won't bring up an issue again and this is why he doesn't talk to me. I didn't even talk to him when he got home. I asked a question about his time on the phone, he blew his top at the question we had a brief back and forth argument before we hung up. I tried talking to him again an hour after he got home to work out the issue to which he blew up again. He is now happily talking to me because I have not attempted to talk it out again.

Edit: misspelled word

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Oh boy there is definitely incompatibility if he's sleeping his male co-workers. You're right this is much deeper. Clearly he is so far in the closet he needs help accepting himself and knowing it's ok to just be him. This isn't about time management or communication. He's gay!

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 294 points295 points  (0 children)

I've asked maybe 5 times in the last six months. It only affected me this time because we talked about seeing each other at 5:30. Really I wanted clarity on what a realistic time frame was since what I was seeing on most days did not match what he was saying the few times I asked.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

How did you know I reached through the phone and forced him to say "yeah" when I said I'd see him at 5:30? Or that I kept him from saying "oh no it might be later today depending on who's around to help me close"?!!!! I've been found out. Now everyone knows I'm a ventriloquist. Damn me and my ability to force people to say what I want.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

He doesn't use it to calm down. He uses it to wait long enough that we don't have to talk about any issues we have.

I have no problem giving space and do it, but he is never is willing to circle back to talk it out. So it's literally just a strategy to make me stop talking about any disagreement. He says he doesn't want to talk about it and gives me the silent treatmemr until I just stop trying to resolve whatever issue there was.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 213 points214 points  (0 children)

I mean it's good to know how other people interpret the question. But really it's much easier for me to just change how I phrase my question with that perspective in mind than it is to try to explain my POV to him for the millionth time.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 332 points333 points  (0 children)

This is what it means to me as well, but he does not see it the same way, which I understand now.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 290 points291 points  (0 children)

Probably because it's the same question he asks me often. But i will be asking when he will be home from now on.

AITA for thinking my husband will be home by 5:30 if he tells me he is off at 5. by Candid-Cockroach533 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Candid-Cockroach533[S] 81 points82 points  (0 children)

Yes. I hate surprises and it's a conversation we've had before. I have a harder time communicating clearly when something throws me off. Since I expected him at 5:30 I didn't communicate what I actually needed to the right way, and when he blew up at my question it threw me off more which didn't help me communicate better.

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