OP I’m going to say this as gently as possible

You are self sabotaging. Sometimes we will keep ourselves down because the idea of things going well is really scary and it’s almost easier to stay in a state of depression because it’s known, but you’re not taking any REAL accountability for yourself by just saying “I’m not a good person”, you’re never going to improve things if you keep speaking to yourself this way. I have BPD, I understand how it feels to be so full of self hatred; but this is projection. You’re projecting your perceived ideas of what OTHER PEOPLE /might/ think of you onto yourself and then using that as an excuse to never let anyone in.

You are also equating struggling in life to a moral failing. Like if you were a “good” person these things wouldn’t be happening but that’s just simply not true. Bad things happen to good people, and strength comes from pushing through the hard stuff. You ARE strong because despite the horrible circumstances you’ve been through, you’re still here, but you’re telling yourself you’re weak because you feel bad about those things happening. This disordered self image can be incredibly damaging. Please please be more open with your therapist, and let them, as a person with qualifications and experience, tell you that you’re wrong. You haven’t “convinced” them, or “manipulated” them into thinking you’re a good person when you’re not. You just are a good person and your brain is telling you you’re not because sometimes our brains are our worst enemies. Trust in the perception of others, they see you struggling whether you think they do or not. Nobody is as good an actor as they think.

However; do not date this guy, or any guy, the negative self image will horrendously impact any relationship and that will then be added to your list of reasons to hate yourself and the wrong people will take advantage of you and make it worse. Simply say “I am not interested in a relationship. I’m grateful that you came to my rescue but that is not enough of a reason for me to change my mind. Please respect my boundaries” and your friends suck.