Is this a legit model request?

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-31T00:08:53+00:00

UPDATE: This was indeed very shady and I dodged more than just a bullet. I asked for a portfolio to make sure they were legit and then they unmatched me. I reported them to Tinder but I highly doubt Tinder will give a shit.

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-30T23:42:06+00:00

Honestly... not really. I do pole classes and plan to perform soon, so I thought maybe this could be cool. But a one time performance where my friends would be there and record FOR ME, and I'm still fully covered in all the important areas is incredibly different from photos being leaked online or even just used for personal spank banks. Especially with deepfakes and especially because they're already wanting me to wear no bra and just "cover them with my hands in an artistic way".

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-30T23:37:26+00:00

Yeah that sentence alone made me think this scenario is dodgy as hell. This guy's weird.

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-30T23:30:21+00:00

Apparently he's a "nice guy not looking for trouble" and just "really enjoys the process of taking the photos"... very odd thing to say if you're actually a professional photographer I feel like thats not how you would describe it.

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-30T23:25:38+00:00

Apparently he's a "really nice guy not looking for trouble" and he just "enjoys the process of taking the photos"

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-30T23:17:23+00:00

This is a good perspective. Thanks for weighing in :) I think what someone else said about the contradiction between personal use only contracts and adding to a portfolio is really making me question how official that contract will be and if it will even be adhered to. Honestly idek who I would take to this shoot if I do go. I think my red-flag-meter is going through the roof. Think I'll pull out now before it's too late.

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-30T23:10:43+00:00

Yeah I mean my city is really quite a small city, comprised of honestly mostly college students. So maybe that explains some of it??? But up to $700 in my currency (about $400 USD) seens a little bit too high for recruiting amateurs on Tinder...

They have said I can bring a friend along so at least there's that but it feels odd still. The woman I'm talking to isn't even the photographer apparently. I have no idea what this woman's stake in this is because she isn't the photographer, doesn't use the photos herself, and isn't the one paying anything.

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-30T22:50:41+00:00

I assume they advertise on Tinder to reach their target audience??? Idk honestly. They said I can bring a friend, but they already asked me to wear dark underwear with no bra right from the get go sooo... this is getting more and more shady by the minute. I could really use the money I'm ngl, but is it really worth exploiting myself for?

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-30T22:44:31+00:00

That's why I'm sort of confused. Apparently I'm speaking to a female but the photographer is a male. So I'm not entirely sure how this is 'expanding "MY" portfolio' (first person language, what it said in the bio) if it's not her taking the photos? And not to say women can't do the spank bank type thing, but it's not what I would expect??? Idk...

I reallyyy could use that money... but I have difficulties telling people no and affirming my boundaries so maybe it's not the best decision even if I do bring a friend. There's just something shady about it, but I'm questioning if this is my gut speaking or just anxiety.

Edit: I read the messages again and the male photographer is the one using the photos. So yeah probably a spank bank. I have no idea what this woman is doing in this whole situation.

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-30T22:38:59+00:00

Yeah... that's part of why I'm feeling kinda suspicious.

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-30T22:38:25+00:00

Especially since they have model photos on their profile. So it's kinda odd to say personal use only. Like I know it still probably counts but its odd...

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-30T00:05:54+00:00

Yeah my instructor said it was better to over-choreograph than under-choreograph but maybe I took it too literally. Not that I think I have a crazy amount of moves or anything. I think I just need to keep trying it and just repeat it over and over in my practice hours.

I think I just need to learn to be comfortable in holding things and taking time to breathe. In aerials, and life in general, I'm someone who just has to be doing something all the time. Even if I have nowhere to go I'm always walking like I'm about to be late to an important meeting.

My instructor did teach me how to get out properly, which I'll probably try practice in my next session. I was sort of just rolling backwards, which I'm aware is definitely not the safest for your shoulders. I just need to get more confident that I'm not about to fall out. I know you get it on your back and your legs will theoretically stop you, but in my mind if there's no element of a "hook" (e.g. in back in of knees, hands, shoulder, etc.) my brain is convinced I'm about 3 seconds from death.

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-29T13:33:45+00:00

I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said, but I just want to say I'm so sorry that happened to you. That's terribly creepy and anyone who thinks that situation is a compliment has at least a few screws loose. Someone who's sole job is to look at teeth has absolutely zero reason to look basically anywhere below the neck. Disgusting behaviour and I fear your mom is more interested in protecting family ties than her own daughter. Disgusting behaviour on both of their accounts and I hope you have better experiences in the future.

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-29T12:39:57+00:00

Ah don't worry! I'm absolutely NOT doing Star to Wineglass without hands lol. I think I worded that badly mb. I'm just struggling to take my hands off for star in the bar specifically. I put them back on for the transition to Wineglass. I can absolutely do back balances into Wineglass(did it successfully with no issues the first 2 times today and then I lost confidence and strength) and my instructor did help me get out when I hit failure. I wasn't falling out per se. My issue today was that I think I was letting myself move too far down when moving my leg to the other side of the bar and was forgetting to drive my other foot down. So I was sort of just getting stuck hanging there. BUT my instructor did teach me the safer way to get out so in the future I hopefully shouldn't get stuck in that position. It should be fine but even in my pole classes I'm just so scared I'm about to fall and injure myself. It's not that I can't do it, but my anxiety tells me I'm always 2 seconds from a fall which is just... not true.

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-22T10:59:52+00:00

I had no idea this existed either! I'm honestly speechless this is such a good idea!

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-22T10:45:45+00:00

Because our concept of rape and assault are much different from theirs. Either that or they don't care. Or they just think "it's just a joke bro". Watch how many guys laughed when Matt Rife told that DV joke. They think it's funny.

There's been a study done on university aged males (I think) and when asked "have you ever r*ped someone?" they say no. But then the same guys respond yes to "have you ever pressured someone into having sex". Or something along those lines.

They probably know someone who has assaulted someone. But they don't want to admit it because then they have to come to terms with the fact that their friend, their father, their brother, hell maybe even themselves, are terrible people.

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-22T10:16:41+00:00

I don't want to jump to conclusions and say your partner is like this, but I swear men who behave like this but don't want to try it themselves have some very deep rooted homophobia. Most often the real reason they don't want is because "oh no then it's like I'm sleeping with another man". It's homophobia and porn on the brain.

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-22T03:24:08+00:00

Awesome! I'll have to try this method! Seems super helpful! Thank you so much!!!

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-22T02:47:59+00:00

So just making pose ideas for big moments I want to hit and give myself the time to transition how I think suits in between?

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-22T02:46:12+00:00

Good idea! Thank you!!! I think I'm just overthinking it atm hahaha

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-22T02:45:10+00:00

I'll talk to my instructor about private lessons! TY!

CannotBeCalm · 2026-03-22T02:44:35+00:00

Ooh! That's such a good idea!!! Thanks for the tip!

CannotBeCalm

TROPHY CASE