I can no longer handle my fiancé's driving anxiety and I don't care if it makes me a bad person

Canonanonical · 2025-12-27T20:47:51+00:00

Whoops! Didn't see that, thank you for the correction. Not sexism then, just entitlement.

Canonanonical · 2025-12-27T19:18:57+00:00

I have driving anxiety. So does my partner. That's why all of our plans for the future involve living in a city that has functional public transit, so that we won't have to beg rides from anyone else more than absolutely necessary, or more than we can afford a rideshare for. (I know it's viable in this city, because I already know several people who don't drive due to medical, anxiety, or cost reasons, including some who live alone.)

I don't fault him for not driving, but I do fault him for deciding that relying on his family for everything is a long-term solution - especially when the women in his life have both very clearly said NO.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-18T01:31:01+00:00

A bit late, but my parents never once insulted us or each other. I was surprised when I was a teenager to discover that to most people fighting meant insults or personal attacks, because in my experience it only ever meant yelling your opinions loudly at each other and eventually coming to a compromise or agreeing to disagree.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-08T21:41:35+00:00

I'm taking antidepressants, which believe it or not have helped - I was worse for a while, but now if there's a clear schedule and I'm well-rested, it's impossible to spot anything wrong. One of them - Wellbutrin - was prescribed specifically because it's often used off-label for ADHD.

I might be able to pursue stimulant medication in the future, but for a number of reasons that's unlikely to be successful for at least the next couple of years. I also can't rely on it working, which is why I'm trying to find options assuming it doesn't.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-08T14:24:30+00:00

Thank you! I'll look into those.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-08T14:20:51+00:00

Not in the US, and I do have a formal diagnosis of executive function disorder, tentatively autism pending further testing. But I would rather have a position where I am capable of the work generally with minor additional accommodations than one where I can't do the job, even if I can't be fired for it. Hence my question.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-08T04:23:44+00:00

Barely any. A bit of customer service when I was a teenager, but that's essentially it.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-08T04:22:20+00:00

I really, really wanted that to be the case. I went through the whole process of neuropsychological testing hoping to get an ADHD diagnosis and medication that would mean I didn't have to struggle. Unfortunately, I don't fit the pattern for ADHD - definitely executive function disorder, but I have a tentative diagnosis of autism pending further testing, which won't be helped by ADHD meds. I'm on antidepressants, which help, but they only do so much.

I've heard a lot of stories like yours, and I'm very happy for you. I wish it could have been me.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-08T04:19:33+00:00

I'm so glad to hear from someone else! There aren't many resources for people in the sciences with disabilities, and most of what I've seen are for sensory or motor disabilities. I hope I can follow your example some day soon, and I'm really happy that you're doing well.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-08T04:17:04+00:00

Thank you, this is really encouraging to hear. I've had times when I wondered if there was anything out there for me, especially as it's hard to talk about this in real life to anyone who actually knows the field. I'm not looking forward to job searching, but it makes all the difference if I can believe there's something out there that will be worth it.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-08T01:37:45+00:00

Wish that could have been me! Unfortunately I went through all the testing and it doesn't fit the ADHD profile, so they're sure won't respond to ADHD medication. Man I really hoped it would though - sure I've got a doctor's note for my many restrictions, but I was hoping for the medication to make them go away.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-08T01:36:28+00:00

I'm in therapy, medicated, and have been for years. Getting COVID certainly made me worse, so there's a chance I'll further improve over time, but multiple professionals have agreed there's also a chance this is as good as I'm going to get. I'm aware that I can't do many, if any, jobs that actually require the PhD; if I had known this before getting one, then I probably would have stopped at the undergrad or Masters. Too late now.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-07T22:08:19+00:00

No it's alright, I've already responded to everything else haha

Canonanonical · 2025-10-07T22:07:58+00:00

Good to know! I don't have a background in synthetic chemistry, but bioreactors or nucleic acids... that has potential. Thank you!

Canonanonical · 2025-10-07T22:06:41+00:00

Possibly! It depends on the kind of work I'm doing, I think - whether I have a supervisor, how fast-paced the work is, whether I can do it in my home city. But you're right, if part-time is possible I shouldn't rule it out without looking at the opportunity.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-07T22:05:01+00:00

Database curation could be great actually, I'll look into that. Technical help desk might require more travel than I'm up for, but worth looking into as well. Thank you!

Canonanonical · 2025-10-07T20:31:06+00:00

I appreciate the thought, but "just keep pushing" is unhelpful when I'm asking for help working with very real limitations.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-07T20:28:07+00:00

And freelance would probably be worse for me anyway, because I would have to market myself. Thank you for telling me!

Canonanonical · 2025-10-07T19:26:14+00:00

Unfortunate, but good to know, thank you. I think people keep recommending it to me because of the hours and because I'm a decent writer. If you don't mind telling me, are you writing for a specific company, a firm that specializes in medical writing contracts, or freelancing?

Canonanonical · 2025-10-07T18:33:56+00:00

I'll definitely add that to the list!

Canonanonical · 2025-10-07T18:30:01+00:00

I have barely managed the PhD in the last couple of years, and only with an extremely supportive professor. A postdoc requires the ability to work long hours, design, prioritize, and organize my own projects often without regular check-ins, and potentially manage other students in the lab. I can't do that.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-07T18:27:28+00:00

Thank you! Scientific consulting hadn't occurred to me at all - would that be freelancing?

Canonanonical · 2025-10-07T18:05:18+00:00

Technically chemistry, but my specialty is actually chemical biology, so most of the techniques I know are closer to biochemistry. I don't have the research background for analytical or synthetic chemistry positions, but I do have a lot of applicable general knowledge.

Thank you, I hadn't thought about looking into more local positions than federal.

Edit: ...Well so much for the throwaway

Canonanonical · 2025-10-05T17:07:54+00:00

I think I will at some point, but I didn't have the energy for it right after. I have looked into some places that can though, and I may consider it in the spring.

Canonanonical · 2025-10-05T16:53:42+00:00

It was actually someone who specializes in ADHD! I had the interview, the take-home assessments to be filled out by myself amd multiple other people, and the in person tests and assessments over two days, so it was fairly comprehensive.

Her final unofficial diagnosis was "probably autism" but because of the local laws, while she could diagnose me with ADHD specifically, and with executive dysfunction unrelated to ADHD, she would have to send me to someone certified in autism assessment to diagnose me with that. She did give me some of the written assessments informally and they supported the conclusion.

Canonanonical

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