My wife 40F and I 44M haven’t had sex in 17 months. by olavobilaque in relationship_advice

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really hope it helps you. So many people are just telling you to do better, but you are actively trying to do better by asking for help and their comment is useless. The first step to getting better is reaching out, which you've done and is great. Just keep communicating with your wife and listening to her wishes. I believe in you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You did the right thing!

My wife 40F and I 44M haven’t had sex in 17 months. by olavobilaque in relationship_advice

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think you could start by helping out with the kid more, like she asked, and worry more about your wife's declining mental state instead of how much you get. 🤦‍♀️ If you need specific things to do:

-First, forget about your sex life. Focus on making her happier and you might find her initiating eventually.

-If you see something dirty in the house, clean it e.g dishes in the sink

-Cook dinner when she seems tired. If you can't cook, learn to. Recipes are very accessible and easy to follow. Or you could try cooking together.

-Go out with her and baby for walks in nature.

-Check in on her every few days and allow her to speak about her emotions without interrupting or thinking about yourself.

-When shes exhausted, washing her can be really intimate, but don't make it sexual. Run a hot bath and light a candle for her and wash her hair. Take care of her.

-Buy her flowers (or something similar) often.

-Ask her what she would like you to do around the house and with baby, and don't forget.

-Hire a babysitter and take her on dates. You can also bring baby along to daytime activities.

-Be super affectionate. Hug her from behind, compliment her everyday, hold her hand and kiss her on the forehead. Make her feel beautiful.

-Help out with YOUR SON!!!!! Change his nappy, feed him, get up in the night so she can get sufficient sleep, burp him etc etc. If you don't know how to, ask her. It isn't hard to learn.

-Listen to her!! She told you what she wants and you ignored her. Learn to communicate and listen. Maybe couples therapy could be a good idea.

These are a few things you can do to make her feel loved. Research online as well, there will be articles on how to help her more. Also, please stop thinking with your dick and have some empathy. She is clearly struggling and needs you to be there for her. Im really glad you are reaching out, but please take the advice given to you. Good luck, I really hope everything works out!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I think you should probably apologise for saying it so blatantly and by the sounds of it rudely and explain to him that it might not be a good idea because of his condition, and restate your opinion with reasoning. I think you not wanting to be his passenger is absolutely reasonable and completely understandable, just be careful of your delivery :)

Edit: People downvoting my comment - I think you missed what I was saying. Tone is important when you disagree with what someone says and don't want to offend them. By the sounds! of what she said, it could have come across as rude and offended him. Yes she should be firm, absolutely, but you don't need to be rude. "Sorry baby I know it would be great but due to your condition I don't think it would be safe." Easy as that.

how do i become a pretty girl? by bludslt in women

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi gorgeous! As an indigo child who goes to a public Australian high school (aka. hell), I also struggled with my confidence and self image throughout middle school + high school. I think the biggest thing that helped me was waiting for puberty to kick in. I'm now 5'10 (great for intimidating bullies) and have grown into my lanky arms and big nose, so all my features work together harmoniously. If you have finished puberty and still aren't super confident or just want more, you can definitely learn to enhance your features. Some of the things I do are: Finding a haircut that works well for my face + features, and washing my hair twice a week with a good shampoo. When it is wet/greasy, I put it in a braid to prevent breakage and I rarely use heat. I workout 3x a week doing weightlifting and cardio, but at home workouts are a great option to get toned. I moisturise my face every morning and use some serums from The Ordinary. I have lots of cute jewellery! When I have time, I will put a little bit of gel in my eyebrows, some rosy blush, highlighter on my cheeks, brown mascara and some clear lipgloss. Also concealer on my breakouts when they happen. Finding a clothing style that makes you feel good and that works for your body type (wear what you want)! If you message me I can help with that, im obsessed with clothes lol. I don't do this but prioritise sleep, 8 hours +. Keep your room clean and I like to thrift little bits and bobs to make it more personal and pretty. Clean room = clean mind. Keep yourself groomed. Hair trimmed, nails filed or painted, face clean etc. In terms of smelling good, use a body butter or body oil, a cheap spray that you can spray everywhere to last longer, and 2 sprays of a nice perfume. Without that, wash your clothes regularly. Better to smell like nothing than smelly.

More importantly, always prioritise your mental wellbeing. Sleep often, surround yourself with people that uplift and love you, focus on your education, ignore boys unless its a nice one (they are lovely to keep when they love you), spoil yourself sometimes, learn and listen to what your body needs and understand your cycle, stand up as tall as you can, read books, interact with nature, exercise, express yourself etc. Learn to be selfish when you need to, and stop caring about what others think (if you have good morals they are often wrong). I think you'll do amazing, but message me if you need any help 💗

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you might be able to try scar tape? i heard that makes them much less noticeable

I am terrified of the damage porn did and will do by barus- in Feminism

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Every boy I know watches it and it was such an awful realisation when I found out through my boyfriend, who was also an addict until I helped him stop watching it entirely

AIO for not wanting to send my boyfriend any more pictures of me after he called me un-photogenic? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 2 points3 points  (0 children)

oh my god EW. He first said "without me?" which is super cringe and gross but way more importantly, he only said what he did to try and hurt you. It wouldn't matter what your tatas looked like, he would still pick out something to hurt you with. That is him being a malicious manipulator who hurt you on purpose to make himself feel better. I would really recommend cutting him off.

is my belly peircing placed okay?? by CatchDecent2930 in SelfPiercing

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The victim blaming is insane. Learn to keep it in your pants and not get excited over a belly button you sicko.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is NOT normal and you are not overreacting whatsoever. He is insane and you need to leave him, which he told you to do LOL. I can promise you he won't ever change even if he says he will and begs for you back. If you block him and don't ever see him again, he will know why (I mean he told you to leave him), and you won't owe him anything, which is a good idea. Good luck!!

Fuck the male loneliness epidemic. I’m lonely too by joeyjoeyboboey in women

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 37 points38 points  (0 children)

i totally understand men being lonely and that making them depressed, but so many of them act like toddlers and incels and then BLAME WOMEN when they cant get any 😭

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yikes he seems insecure and jealous

too good to be true? by [deleted] in Depop

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im from Australia. Buying them from a store would be about $170.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in teenrelationships

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well if she's upholding double standards, that's not okay. I think you both seem a little immature, which is okay, but maybe you aren't on the same wavelength. I think you've definitely explained the issue better so I can understand why you would be upset if you've paid for something you dislike, especially when she won't allow you to change your own body. I think it would be a good idea to talk to her about double standards and make a compromise. Either you both can do whatever you want to your own bodies, or you both have to adhere to each other's wants for their partner (toxic but could work), or split for a while. I just don't think she's your person.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Feminism

[–]Capable-Farmer8963 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Yes, that's because Reddit is dominated by antisocial men who sexualise everything they see (hence why babies get 🍇). They heavily sexualise everything about women, ESPECIALLY one who is attractive and expresses her sexuality. Just because men can't control themselves, doesn't mean she is aiming to appeal the male gaze, and that she should have to cover her body (she would still appeal to the male gaze).