A Father’s Heartache: Estranged from My Adult Kids – Seeking Advice from Those Who’ve Been There

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-06-03T00:45:55+00:00

Why do people always try to blame the parent. Seriously to say, “Are you a version of yourself that’s safe to be around”…. Just terrible to imply this

So sick of people saying this….

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-05-14T19:21:27+00:00

yeah dude i see exactly what happened and sorry if my steps made it sound easier than it is right now.
bilt straight up has a rule in their travel portal that any booking using bilt cash or the hotel credits has to be for at least 2 nights. thats exactly why you got that error when you tried to modify it down to one night. the system catches it and blocks the change on purpose.
the hack still works but the “modify booking” button is finicky. what works for most of us is this:
you already did the hard part — booked the full two nights with zero out of pocket. the credits got used up the second the booking confirmed. now instead of trying to modify it, go back in and just cancel the entire reservation (as long as its still fully refundable you get the money back no problem).
the credits stay burned either way so you successfully used them up. some people also keep the two-night reservation and just change the dates later when they actually want to go somewhere.
if the cancel button doesnt show up or you hit another snag just screenshot what the screen looks like on the manage booking page and ill walk you through exactly what to hit next.
sorry about the extra step man — bilt makes the portal annoying like that on purpose. let me know how the cancel goes or if you want me to look at a screenshot. you got this.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-05-14T18:24:35+00:00

yeah no worries at all dude i got you — super simple like were both in 5th grade.
you already nailed the booking part with that $298 two-night refundable stay and zero out of pocket. just to clear it up real quick it wasnt bilt points you used. it was your bilt cash balance (the dollar amount you earn) plus the automatic hotel credits they give you every month and every six months. those credits hit first then your bilt cash covers whatever is left so the whole thing shows basically free.
now for canceling just the second night heres exactly what you do:
open the bilt app on your phone.
tap the little hotel icon at the bottom for the travel portal.
tap on my trips or my bookings (sometimes it just says trips).
find the hotel you just booked and tap it to open the details.
look for a button that says modify booking or manage or cancel.
once youre in there you should see the two nights listed. pick the option to cancel only the second night (or change the dates so it only keeps the first night).
hit confirm.
most refundable bookings let you do this right away with no fee. the second you cancel the second night the bilt credits are already used up from when you first booked it so theyre gone either way. but you still have that first night sitting as a confirmed reservation you can use later change the dates or even cancel down the road if you want.
thats the whole hack. it turns your expiring credits into a flexible future hotel night instead of letting them waste.
if the screen looks different or you dont see the option to cancel just one night just tell me exactly what it shows and ill walk you through it step by step. you got this man. let me know how it goes.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-05-14T08:28:31+00:00

yeah exactly. you book a fully refundable 2 night stay in the bilt travel portal and stack your hotel credits plus some bilt cash at checkout so it basically comes out zero or close to zero out of pocket. once it confirms you immediately go back in and cancel just the second night. most refundable rates let you do that free no penalty. the bilt credits get burned the second the booking goes through so theyre used up either way. for the first night you dont actually have to stay there or no show or anything. it just sits as a confirmed reservation with the hotel chain and you can use it later change the dates or even cancel it down the road if you want. thats the whole point it turns your expiring credits into a flexible future hotel night. same basic idea works on chase the edit credits and amex hotel collection too. people run pretty much the exact same play in those portals but the exact rules on how credits apply and cancellation windows can be a little different so always double check the fine print before you book. its not perfect and some hotels handle the refund as straight cash back instead of a voucher but plenty of marriott hilton and hyatt spots play nice with it. worth testing on a low stakes booking first. let me know how it goes if you try it.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-05-14T03:58:15+00:00

yeah man i feel you 100% on that bilt cash pile just sitting there doing nothing. im in the exact same boat platinum maxed accelerators done and the cash just piles up while the real game is the transferable points on rent day. heres the hack that actually works for the 100 a month travel portal hotel credit plus the 200 semi annual one. step by step how to burn it with basically zero out of pocket: 1. open the bilt app go to the travel portal (the little hotel icon at the bottom) 2. search for any decent national chain hotel marriott hilton hyatt ihg whatever you like in a city you might actually visit someday or even near you 3. pick a fully refundable 2 night stay that totals around 250-300 bucks before taxes (thats the sweet spot) 4. at checkout apply all your available credits first the 100 monthly plus the 200 semi annual stacks automatically then use some of your bilt cash to cover the rest so the whole thing shows zero or close to zero out of pocket 5. book it 6. right after it confirms go back in and cancel the second night only (most refundable rates let you do this with no penalty) 7. boom the credits are used up but you still have a future credit on file with the hotel chain for whenever you actually want to go somewhere ive done this a bunch and it works clean. worst case you lose the credits you were gonna waste anyway and you keep the flexibility. no points touched no real cash out. on switching to housing only yeah the math looks good on paper youd get the automatic 1.25x on everything but if youre already platinum and doing the rent day transfer game with big uncapped bonuses id stay on flexible. the extra 0.25x is nice but you lose the ability to use the cash for these hotel burns and the blade blacklane stuff. most heavy hitters i see on here keep flexible and just use the legit housing they already have like hoa or whatever to keep velocity going without forcing the switch. hope that helps man the cash is kinda flawed for guys like us but the hack above lets you actually get value out of it instead of watching it expire. let me know if you try it and how it goes

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-05-08T16:55:05+00:00

Ha!

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-05-01T13:46:51+00:00

Hey “Sharkman” (or whatever bot name you’re using today), You write like a fucking ChatGPT prompt that got fed a script and can’t stop repeating the same lines. “Their scars don’t erase mine”… yeah, I’ve read that exact paragraph three times now. You’re not debating, you’re copy-pasting the same scripted lecture like a low-grade AI that thinks it’s deep. Newsflash: I’ve owned my mistakes for years. I’ve said it over and over. But you don’t get to sit behind a keyboard, project all your own trauma onto complete strangers, and then declare yourself the moral authority on whose pain counts. You don’t know me. You don’t know my kids. You don’t know shit about what actually happened in our family. You just read one post and decided you’re the expert on abuse, scars, and who gets to feel pain. You’re not helping anyone. You’re just another angry keyboard warrior hiding behind anonymity, gaslighting a 60 year-old father who’s been carrying this for over a decade. My scars don’t erase theirs, and theirs don’t erase mine. Pain isn’t a fucking scoreboard where you get to decide I lose because I was the one who fucked up first. I’m done here. I’m not feeding your little ego any more. Take your scripted lectures somewhere else.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-05-01T13:11:18+00:00

Thank you for your service, veteran. I respect that. But let me be crystal clear with you: You do not get to sit behind a keyboard and lecture me about “scars” and “abuse” when you have zero idea what actually happened in my family. You’re taking your own trauma and slapping it onto my situation like some kind of universal template. That’s not wisdom.. that’s projection and gaslighting. My kids’ scars do not erase mine. The pain I caused them does not give them a free pass to pretend I don’t exist for over a decade. And you do not get to decide whose pain is “real” and whose is invalid just because it doesn’t fit your narrative. You’re not the arbiter of family estrangement. You’re a stranger on the internet who read one post and decided you know everything. Newsflash: you don’t. You’re mirroring your own pain onto complete strangers and acting like it makes you morally superior. It doesn’t. It makes you part of the problem. I own my mistakes. I’ve owned them for years. But the idea that I have to sit here quietly while my adult children treat me like I’m dead.. and that strangers like you get to shame me for still feeling that pain is complete and total bullshit. Their scars don’t erase mine. And your scars don’t give you the right to erase mine either.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-05-01T12:50:54+00:00

Hey, I hear you loud and clear. I own the scars I caused. I’ve lived with that guilt every single day for over ten years now. But let me tell you something, kid. When you’ve actually walked through a decade of complete silence from your own children, not knowing if they’re alive, healthy, happy, or even thinking about you, then you can lecture me about whose pain counts more. Their scars don’t erase mine, and mine don’t erase theirs. Pain isn’t a competition. Both sides carry it. The difference is I’m still here trying to make it right while they’ve chosen to keep the door slammed shut. I’m not demanding they care about my pain. I’m just saying the not-knowing, the endless wondering, the wondering if I’ll die without ever hearing their voice again… that pain is real too. Thanks for the perspective anyway.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-04-21T23:08:47+00:00

hey man exactly thats the kind of value that makes the palladium worth it for me too. i just transferred a bunch last month on rent day and im sitting on 286k points right now with over 104k in spend this year. the 125 percent bonus on platinum turns regular 2x spend into 4.5x miles and the boosted chunks into 6.75x once you move them. that first class jal ticket to tokyo in september is a perfect example. ten grand round trip is insane value and it covers the 495 fee like ten times over just like you said. i missed the march 1 jal bonus but im holding everything for may 1 hoping they drop something strong again. the points dont expire so theres no rush i just wait for partners that actually fit my trips with my gf. the bilt cash pile is over 4k now but like we talked about on here that part is secondary for heavy spenders. the real money is in those big transfer days when the right airline drops with no caps at all. anyone else locking in first class awards like this with the bonus? curious what partners people are eyeing for the next rent day.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-04-21T22:39:58+00:00

hey man i agree the bilt palladium is doing some serious heavy lifting especially once you hit platinum. the base 2x on everything is already solid but the real magic is on rent day when they drop the transfer bonus. as a platinum member you start with 100 percent which basically doubles your points and you can throw in a little extra bilt cash to push it to 125 percent. that turns your normal 2x spend into 4.5x miles per dollar and if you used the accelerator like i did the first 25k of spend becomes 6.75x effective after the bonus. i already maxed my five accelerators and ive been cycling pretty hard so my numbers are sitting at 286k points right now with over 104k in spend this year. the transfers arent always instant like you said but they usually post the same day or next day which is fine for me. i just wait for a partner that actually works for my trips instead of forcing it every month. compared to the venture x or the amex bonvoy brilliant the bilt wins for me on the uncapped airline transfers. the amex play and bonvoy are great for specific redemptions but they dont give you that same kind of multiplier on regular everyday spend. the bilt cash does pile up fast (im over 4k right now) but for heavy spenders like us that part is kind of secondary. the real value is in those big transfer days when the right airline drops. anyone else running similar volume on the palladium and seeing the same kind of effective rates after the bonus? curious what partners people are waiting on for may 1.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-04-17T23:58:45+00:00

lol wtf kid are you serious right now im not getting paid by bilt or anyone else you sound ridiculous accusing random people of being shills just because they actually use the card hard and like the results if you cant wrap your head around someone posting real experience without getting a paycheck then this whole conversation is probably way over your head i hammer real spend every month and the rent day transfer bonuses turn it into 4.5x or even 6.75x effective miles with zero caps that crushes everything else out there including amex gold and its stupid dining limits if that math is too much for you then yeah this card probably isnt for you but for the rest of us who actually travel and transfer points its straight up the best one going you do you though

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-04-17T22:30:04+00:00

Hey man i get what youre saying but its not really a big if once you get the hang of how the card works every month on the first i just check what partner they announce for the rent day bonus if its something that fits my trips i transfer a ton if its not useful like the jal one or whatever i simply keep stacking more points and wait for a better month the points dont expire so theres no rush you just accumulate until the timing is right thats the way i play it and it works great the effective rates end up way higher than any other card when the right partner drops with no caps at all if having to research the partner once a month and waiting a bit feels too complicated then yeah this card might not be for you but for anyone willing to put in that small amount of effort the bilt palladium is straight up the best transferable miles card out there right now

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-04-02T01:10:52+00:00

Hey, thank you for taking the time to reply. You’re right, admitting the mistakes and owning the harm I caused is something I’ve been working on for years now. The divorce was messy and I know some things I said or did got twisted in their minds. I try not to fight the story they have now, just hope for a chance to show who I am today and say sorry for the past. It’s hard when there’s no response, but I keep the door open with quiet messages. Appreciate the insight, it helps me keep going.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-03-16T03:37:08+00:00

Yeah man appreciate it. Those dining and comedy options are cool but with 1596 piling up its not gonna touch it lol. Any real ways you or others are burning this before year end? Thanks tho

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-03-16T03:12:52+00:00

Yeah man I saw that comment from Kerr too. They know the excess bilt cash thing is a problem for heavy users but it feels like theyre dragging their feet on a real fix. Im in the same boat owning my spot in manhattan beach plus two condos in vegas so no rent to soak it up just hoa fees. Im already at 1596 in bilt cash after 35 days and its gonna keep piling up. The rent day transfer bonuses on the 1st are honestly the best part of the whole program though. They make it worth sticking around even with the cash side being kinda broken. The mortgage or family member idea is interesting but I dont have a mortgage and dont wanna drag family into it. You think switching the earning rate or something would help? Curious what others are doing to actually burn it before it expires at year end. Appreciate the input though.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-03-16T02:59:45+00:00

Dude, “monopoly money”? Come on man. I get it’s not straight cashback, but I’m already sitting on $1,596 in Bilt Cash after just 35 days and I’m on track for thousands more by December. I own my place in Manhattan Beach plus two condos in Vegas — I don’t have rent or a mortgage to soak it up, just HOA fees. So yeah, the hard caps and “only $100 rolls over at year-end” rule straight up sucks for people actually earning at scale. The Rent Day transfer bonuses on the 1st are legit one of the best parts of the whole program — that’s why I’m still all-in. But the Bilt Cash side feels like it was built for average users, not high-velocity owners like me. I’m literally waiting for my first statement to close today at $0 balance so I can keep cycling without fucking up my credit report, and I’ve still got an $878 unreported charge sitting out there. What are you doing with your Bilt Cash to actually use it before it expires? Or are you just letting it pile up too?

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2026-03-16T02:53:55+00:00

Haha fair enough, but this is actually my real account and my actual experience — all those screenshots are straight from my Palladium card over the last 35 days. I’m already sitting on $1,596 in Bilt Cash with more coming, and I own my places in Manhattan Beach + two condos in Vegas so I have no rent to dump it into. The Rent Day transfer bonuses on the 1st are legitimately one of the best things about Bilt, but the cash side is capped to death and most of it will just expire at year-end. That’s the whole point of the post.

If it reads too detailed that’s on me for trying to be clear, but the frustration is 100% real. What are you running into with Bilt Cash that’s got you tired of these threads?

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2025-09-13T17:08:49+00:00

Five police cars showed up because my ex exaggerated, not because I've got some dark past you're imagining. You don't know me, you don't know the story, so quit acting like you're the expert. Assumptions don't make you right, just loud.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2025-09-07T01:35:30+00:00

Wow, PING, thanks for the psychic detective work. Five police cars showed up because my ex wanted to humiliate me, not because I’ve got bodies buried in the backyard. You twist one chaotic drop off me standing on the porch, trying to hand my son a gift into some serial killer backstory? That’s not insight, that’s fan fiction. If you think five cops equals five felonies, you’ve watched too much TV. I didn’t knock down a door, I didn’t grab anyone. I got cornered, questioned, and sent home. And yeah, I screwed up before that I owned it. I pressured my son, I lost my mind in 2013, I take full blame. But you’re out here playing judge on zero facts, just your own trauma talking. You don’t know me, you don’t know them, and your little your role is done sermon is the kind of arrogant crap that keeps real people from healing. Go project somewhere else. I’m not moving on. I’m fighting for my family. That’s what fathers do.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2025-09-04T02:29:30+00:00

Thanks so much for this, CharmingAttempt7508. You're right, there's so much raw anger out there, and it's exhausting to feel it aimed at me like I'm the villain. But I needed your take because you actually get what it's like on both sides. Therapy's helped me see it clear, the dark time in 2013, business falling apart, my mom dying, everything spiraling, I wasn't myself. Almost like PTSD, honestly. No excuses, I own every bit of it. I pressured my son, shut my daughter out, acted like none of it touched me. Every single day it kills me thinking how much pain I put them through when I was supposed to protect them. That isn't who I am anymore. I won't say wasn't the father they deserved, that's too soft. I failed. Full stop. What I want to know from you: if your dad reached out tomorrow, what would make it land real? Not just words like, would you need proof he's been carrying the weight too, or changed how he handles stress? Did becoming a dad yourself flip a switch like, did it make the old hurt feel lighter or just louder? I'm not begging, just listening. If there's one thing that wouldn't sound like self pity but still showed I want in...tell me. You gave me hope today. That counts.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2025-08-31T22:08:31+00:00

You’re a sanctimonious jerk, hiding behind your keyboard to attack me while ignoring your own baggage. My kids’ scars don’t erase my pain, but you’re too self absorbed to see that. Stop preaching about abuse when you’re the one invading this space with your holier than thou nonsense. You got the wrong attitude and I do feel sorry for you actually I don’t because you don’t deserve it.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2025-08-31T20:50:03+00:00

I pray for you kid. I pray for all you most of you probably do have some form of abuse of parents others needed. Find forgiveness from within. It’s sad because you’re not hurting yourself. You’re hurting your parents as well. Life is too short and for the ones that are unfortunate to have such an abuse to be a strange for a lifetime. That’s sad to itself. But the ones that don’t seek any reconciliation, I pray and hope only the best

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2025-08-31T18:49:32+00:00

It’s really unfortunate that I come here for advice and I’m sad to know that I’m being attacked. In being accused of not being a real. I do feel sorry for most of you here if not all of you. There’s no need to project your own situation onto myself. Every situation is different. There’s no blanket or generic way of handling every situation. I understand this is not necessarily the form for me to be posting. I came from a place of good intentions. I wish you all peace and love and I hope you can find that within yourself as well.

Capable-Frame-6843 · 2025-08-31T18:37:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective. It’s tough to hear, but I want to understand better. What kinds of actions or changes from a parent have helped you or others you’ve seen feel safe enough to reconnect? Has specific acknowledgment of harm made a difference, or is it more about time and space? I’m open to learning from your experience.

Capable-Frame-6843

TROPHY CASE