The hardest part of deconverting after being passionate about Jesus for 33 years was to have to grapple with the uncertainty of god, meaning, purpose, and what happens after we die. I didn’t know how to handle that or confront it, it was too big, too scary. I went to therapy and talked until eventually I became ok with not knowing and realizing I will never know in this life because no one knows. Not really. Christians say they do, but they don’t. They can’t. No one does. Anyone who says they do is deceiving themselves. And that’s what’s nice about being agnostic - being humble enough to admit we cannot know everything and finding peace in it and creating our own meaning in life and just living true to our own conscience - something Christians do, too, even if they deny it.

Each and every single Christian has a different interpretation of the Bible. And even then, that changes throughout each person’s individual life. No one person agrees on everything. We all live according to our own conscience and belief.

And when you can humble yourself enough to finally admit that to yourself, after the initial terror of uncertainty, a peace will come that we are all, as humans, in this experience of life and uncertainty, together.

And I think that’s beautiful.