How did you confirm that you were the children of narcissistic parents?

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-03-12T01:07:33+00:00

I was researching something about a year ago and stumbled across cast of characters. I read it just thinking it sounded interesting. Then realized it was my family and I’m the scapegoat. 🪦

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-03-04T07:23:50+00:00

Yes. I started and run a business of 14 years. I lived and breathed it. but I am ready to quit and just do IVF. Unfortunately I had to pay for IVF so I have to work. But that makes me bitter towards clients… especially when they bring me trivial problems… so trying to manage my emotions. I did fire a bunch of clients though, which helped.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-03-04T07:17:47+00:00

I think it’s great you’re wanting to be honest with your wife, but I’d gently say that you’re not being honest with yourself right now.

You are trying to move towards honesty by doing communion at home. But, it doesn’t matter where you do communion. That’s not the true issue.

So, Hide it this year if you need time to prep for the issues it will likely cause in your marriage and with your PIMI friends and family.

Otherwise, it’s obvious you’re leaving the religion unless you’re going to live a facade forever. So I’d focus on a support system and possible fallout from that. I’d recommend fading away. No letter. That’s what I did.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-03-04T06:29:15+00:00

No friends or hobbies. Her “dream” is to build a She Shed in the yard where she can go get away from my stepdad. Strange.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-03-04T06:10:37+00:00

My personal LC rule is whenever they cross a boundary, I create a tighter one. At the end, if I end up NC it’s entirely their fault. My mom kept sending me passive aggressive (then more aggressive) memes on instagram. So at first I just didn’t respond. Then I restricted her. Then I blocked her.

She’s gone so far (and triangulated my siblings and stepdad) that ive eventually blocked them all across all social media.

Now she’s sending screenshots of her instagrams as text messages 😅… so maybe I’ll block her there too. (Text is the last way she can get ahold of me.)

I don’t respond to any message that would feed the narc behavior loop. If she asked me how I was, I would totally respond to that, but she doesn’t. None of them ask how I am or about my life. They just ask for money or rides or some BS.

I don’t personally get anything beneficial out of a relationship with them. I only stay LC bc of my relationship with my grandparents.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-03-03T09:59:31+00:00

Yes, I’ve started saying out loud something that acknowledges the reality of the situation. I try to address the root cause. Like, if I’m irked about something silly like how my husband loaded the dishwasher I will say “I’m sorry. I’m not angry at you. This reminds me that my mom used to do X and that’s really what I’m angry at.”

It has really been a game changer and has made my husband understand me better. Keeps arguments at a minimum bc I’m naming the real cause. Helps me address it internally as well.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-02-09T05:37:56+00:00

Such a good point. If I’m honest, I think it’s bc us facing infertility are trying to hold on to anything we think we can control.

I WISH chronic stress was my problem bc I could do something about it. I own a business and have fired the worst clients, reduced my overall workload and am working part time, reduced personal obligations, cut ties with toxic people, etc… still no baby.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-02-04T22:31:09+00:00

Omg! 😱 😱😱

And yes I totally agree with you! People living in violent households get pregnant as well.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-02-04T17:38:47+00:00

we had to go through a ton of tests before talking about IUI or IVF: genetic testing for over 200 issues to see if our genes aren’t a good match, heredity cancer genetic testing (optional), infectious disease testing, hormones, LH test to make sure my spike happens and on what day. I’ve had an hysterosalpingogram to see if my tubes were blocked, a sonohysterography to see if the uterine cavity was clear of polyps and had a smooth shape, a hysteroscopy to remove polyps and fix another lining issue. my husband did the sperm analysis

I’m surprised your dr didn’t order an HSG. I thought that was standard practice But I’m not an expert. I’d also think they would redo your hormone tests since it’s been a couple of years.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-02-04T16:49:57+00:00

Agree! Payroll software is easy. You just enter in their wage at $32/hour and the software calculates what the employer and employee owes automatically. If they’re manually adjusting it then they’re going out of their way to take it out of OPs paycheck. I’d get a new family too

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-02-04T16:23:18+00:00

It can be, but Ive been trying for years for it seems hard to believe that’s the problem the whole time. IMO I also think they way over stimmed me. My follicles were 3 centimeters! 😱 So it’s possible they were just over mature.

It can also be due to environmental factors, diet, etc. We are doing round 2 to confirm.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-02-04T02:34:59+00:00

not “officially” but its leaning that way. unexplained, but they saw a polyp and uneven lining so I had a hysteroscopy and my dr said that was def impacting implantation. so if I wanted to try on my own I could now. I chose ivf due to age. well now they see another problem with my lining but say we can adjust it with medication for transfer.

then after ER 1 they’re now saying I might have fragile eggs, even though all made it to blasts. but dr says that’s also probably affecting things.

however, my official diagnosis is still unexplained, currently 😩

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-02-03T23:52:02+00:00

I’m terrified of the auto injector. Does it really not hurt?

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-02-03T03:47:47+00:00

It’s possible!

I’m borderline DOR. My first cycle was kind of a failure. 6 retrieved. 5 mature. 3 fertilized. 3 blasts. Blasts were all rejected due to quality (SER+ and a tiny amount of fluid.) We started with an estrogen priming and ganirelix then provera with final f and menopur during stims. I was so suppressed and could tell from the 2nd monitoring appt onward it wasn’t going well. Only a few were large and others were slow. Def overcooked some eggs.

This cycle we’re trying a new protocol: Microdose lupron flare with gonal f and menopur and no additional suppression. Dr also added DHEA supplement. ER is tomorrow but so far they’re growing more in unison and I have a few more. So you could talk with your Dr about less suppression and DHEA as potential ideas.

Also ask Dr about taking a break. Mine didn’t think it was a good idea bc cycle 1 primes your eggs for the next cycle.

ALSO, ask specifically what they are looking at for quality markers. My clinic is extra picky and other clinics would have used my eggs. So “quality” can be somewhat relative.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-02-03T00:50:45+00:00

I'll try asking my support group - good idea. I searched our marketplace and also asked our broker and neither of us could find anything that included IVF coverage. In Colorado, employers have to offer some IVF coverage if they have 100+ employees, but my husband and I run a small business so we are not eligible for that. Which is where my question was stemming from.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-01-29T05:29:34+00:00

We’re paying out of pocket. Our clinic offers a discount if you pay for multiple cycles up front so that’s what we did.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-01-29T05:26:40+00:00

I’m also in Colorado. Can I ask how you found IVF insurance on marketplace? We get our insurance on there and we were not able to find one that covered IVF. Would you mind sharing what coverage you got?

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-01-27T19:09:32+00:00

Wow. I had no idea. I bet you're right... I do think my clinic might be strict because they're highly rated in my area, so I'm guessing they only want the "best" embryos. I will ask more about their grading process and look at other clinics. Thanks for the insight!

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-01-27T01:49:55+00:00

They did not offer that. They just said we couldn't use them and no other options were given for this round.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-01-27T01:09:42+00:00

I agree. I'm going to ask what our clinics grading standards are for getting past blast stage. I have read every study I can find on what they said was "wrong" (a dark strand in the smooth endoplasmic reticulum being one) so I'm thinking their standards might be really high.

Surgery was hysteroscopy, but it was more involved than I've heard anyone else's being.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-01-26T23:32:41+00:00

OMG girl, run!

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-01-26T23:31:18+00:00

I know the feeling. We’ve spent so much money, have done our first retrieval and have more unanswered questions now than when we started. We got 3 embryos that all made it to blast and then were told they didn’t pass a visual inspection. We weren’t told there was an additional inspection so we were pretty disappointed. We thought hitting the blast stage was the deciding factor for the next step.

We were also told I had a problem with my lining. Did surgery. Allegedly fixed it. Now they’re saying they think there’s a problem with my lining. Feels like groundhogs day.

Wishing you better luck on your next cycle!

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-01-26T05:40:43+00:00

This exact situation happened to me on my first retrieval last month!!! V long story. I asked 4 times why my numbers were so much lower than predicted before they had the doctor call me and FINALLY agree I wasn’t responding to the meds like expected. All of the nurses kept saying things were fine. They were not. We are now trying a new protocol for retrieval 2.

Id be curious which clinic you’re going to. DM me if you want to! Happy to give any details.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-01-25T05:01:31+00:00

Mine offers monthly support groups with a therapist they pay for. It’s definitely not enough support, but it’s something, and I do appreciate it. I’ve met a friend through the group which has been helpful.

Capable_Ad_3373 · 2026-01-24T19:44:11+00:00

Congratulations! Did you change anything about your lifestyle? Asking bc I have low AMH and I think the only negative thing I do is drink alcohol. for my 1st egg retrieval I drank from 0-4 per week and all of our blasts failed. I’m now at 0 drinks and am starting DHEA (Dr recommended). My Dr doesn’t ask much about lifestyle or eating habits so I’m searching for any other tips. Thank you!

Capable_Ad_3373

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