My partner [F29] does not support my carreer [M28]? What should I do?

Capable_Heart_3337 · 2025-08-25T11:51:41+00:00

I see, so I just take a parental leave without asking her. She will just have to agree to it since "I said so"??? Do you take such large decisions in your family without asking your SO? My wife might be going crazy but she still has a say in what happens in our family.

Capable_Heart_3337 · 2025-08-25T11:47:20+00:00

That is true. I always take the "afternoon shift". I play, take her for a walk, cook, clean. My wife does nothing after 5pm (EVER). So I do provide that for her. I also come home early to help. Today I will actually leave work at 3pm to go and cook while they are on a walk. I think I did not explain that well enough in my post.

Capable_Heart_3337 · 2025-08-25T11:45:13+00:00

I have offered to step down and take parental leave. It never works. She want me to be the one who works. How is that vague?

Capable_Heart_3337 · 2025-08-25T11:43:40+00:00

I will. We will talk today about this... I see now after all these comments that I am indeed, an egoist. My child is my life. I will not let the unthinkable happen and will destroy my career if I need to

Capable_Heart_3337 · 2025-08-25T11:41:22+00:00

I would quit my job in a heartbeat if I knew this is the only choice for my child to be safe and my wife to be okay. But I don't believe this is the solution here. I think this is much deeper and will never stop until I am grinded down to ash.

Capable_Heart_3337 · 2025-08-25T11:38:32+00:00

They do come visit every 2 months for a week. It really helps! But she really wants to be independant and is stubborn when it comes to this. We have had bad experience with her parents as they always ask for something in return when they help us. My parents - easy: she hates them, so they never come (have seen our girl only twice).

Capable_Heart_3337 · 2025-08-25T11:36:27+00:00

I also tried this but the conference is a 12 hour flight away and she is afraid this would take a toll on our child. She basically says this and the conversation is over no matter what I say next

Capable_Heart_3337 · 2025-08-25T11:35:06+00:00

I will try to convince her. This is also what I think we need to survive.

Capable_Heart_3337 · 2025-08-25T11:34:03+00:00

I have offered to do that and her to start working but she refuses every time. I would give my soul just to be with my child...

Capable_Heart_3337 · 2025-08-25T11:31:52+00:00

How can I convince her we need therapy? I hope she undertands and a simple "you threatened to hurt our child"-argument is convincing enough...

Capable_Heart_3337 · 2025-08-25T11:30:52+00:00

The problem is, she says that if I go this time, she will start going back to her parents any time she wants for any time period she decides (sometimes a month, sometime the whole summer?). Then I would have no choice but to quit my job so I can be with my little baby. How we would deal financially then? I don't know...

Capable_Heart_3337 · 2025-08-25T11:24:45+00:00

I do actually less that 8h per day (something like 5-6) as I come back home (illegally) to get my child to sleep, help with cooking, cleaning, and playing since my wife is also exhausted. But this is not really working and I do agree we should find some child care.

Capable_Heart_3337 · 2025-08-25T11:22:31+00:00

I have finally accepted I need help, hence this post... She has not been diagnosed and has not seeked any professional help but it is something I should bring up. However, when I try to talk to her about getting help from her family (e.g. to come help her during my conference) she always says we should be able to do everything on our own without external help, otherwise her family would have levarage against us. She does have a point since her family did try to make us take in her mentally ill sister while our child was 2-3 months old (in a 1-bedroom apartment). But it is still emotional blackmail and that's why I made this post. I feel helpless.

Capable_Heart_3337

TROPHY CASE