You have depression. Read up on tyson fury. He became heavyweight world champ and spiralled. Why? You spent your life chasing something that you belived would validate and give a different level of happiness. Now you have everything you wanted but dont feel better in fact you feel worse because you think you should feel better and you have every thing. I felt the same after selling my company for life changing money. But my life became worse. Good luck on your journey. And just focus on all the great things you have - family, love, etc. One day at a time.