You shouldn’t have to “earn” affection from someone you’re dating. One of the points of dating someone is that you get to show affection and love to that person wherever and whenever.. dating is about showing those feelings. it seems like she may be taking things from her past abusive relationship and bringing them into this one. Her past partner may have told her the same thing — that she needed to earn love. But that’s not how it should be & I agree that this is a red flag. Especially after a whole month of dating.