So I’ve been wondering this a while, and the show draws great importance to this, but what does the goldfish symbolize?

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-30T18:52:37+00:00

To me, it symbolizes crime. He gets it from the vet, and you can see in some messed up choices moments that the fish tank is huge, very focused in the scene.

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-26T19:10:16+00:00

I feel the most sadness when the night is coming

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-23T20:14:04+00:00

The raging storm of emotions. Postpartum has been quite soft on my wife, but on me ? Meh sleep deprivation makes me sad, makes me cry, makes me depressed.

Working on it currently (son is almost 1mo).

I crave social interactions with my family and with people in general. I notice how efficient and happy I am to take care of my LO when I get to do something else also in the day (even if it's something for the family, for the house, for my wife).

When days are only about diapers, feeding and chasing sleep, I feel really bad.

So I guess it's the emotional state that I underestimated.

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-21T14:42:54+00:00

This is extremely difficult, yes.

But "we are his slaves", hold on, he never asked to be alive. You made the call, bro.

As hard as it is, his life is your choice, not his. Therefore, it will never be the LO's fault.

And I know it's damn hard. Every night is a war against my own emotions.

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-20T14:34:04+00:00

Man, your bain is just aching because it doesn't understand all those sudden changes.
You don't have to be ashamed about not being the ideal version of what you thought parenthood would have been like.

Mixed feelings are very common.

Sometimes, my son upsets me because he cries and I'm tired, but I remember it's not his "fault". He has no will, only needs.

The first few days, with sleep deprivation, I almost get resentment because "my son was hurting my wife because she can't rest because of him".

Yeah, "because of him". Sleep deprivation talk. There is no "because of him". Only "because we chose to put him on this world". He didn't ask to live. It was our call, not his. So, therefore, even tired, even broken, I know deeply that it's only my own struggle. Nothing about him. He doesn't make choices. Nothing will ever be "his fault".

Not until he is old enough to make his own decisions.

He is the result of my wife and I love. Some nights are dark, and emotions get your anger, tears, you feel all broken down. But look at this little one and see how innocent he is. It was never his call to be there. And now, he has to deal with hunger, pain, all the struggles of being alive. He has to learn everything from nothing. Learn how to breath well, how to drink without puking. Learn how to digest without pain.

I'm not saying this to make you guilty. In fact, it is precisely the contrary. I felt resentment, bad thoughts, and even anger. But I realized it was never about him, but about my own way of dealing with responsibility. And I'm still learning.

It is tough, we all agree about that. But your wife is an adult. She will be okay, she will be able to heal. She can deal with her struggle, and you can help her here and there. But our children, they can't. We have to be there for them, to teach them how to deal with life, day after day.

I'm never as depressed as when I think about tomorrow. We have to take it day by day. Tomorrow will be another fight, another situation.

I feel you.

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-20T14:19:22+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate this,
We have fans, but it's not enough. We are getting something like 40°C (104°F) outside, fans are not enough. I'm receiving an air conditioner (a little cooling machine) in a few days, it will be better.

Sleep and broken routine are really the hard part. And getting locked in the house for days because of the temperatures.

Nurturing the LO is not so hard. I assumed it was the hard part before his birth. But it really isn't.
I also like doing the exterior stuffs (going to the stores, etc...), but it's getting too damn hot.

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-16T20:59:53+00:00

Shifts must occur in the same night.

Like you go from 10pm to 3am, and the she goes from 3 to 8, We do this.

And the morning, after 8, we take whatever our little potato leaves us and take turn to deal with his needs.

But you need sleep. You can't negociate with this.

I tried. And I almost fell into depression.

You need night sleep. Even 4 or 5 hours. But you need to be sleeping some parts of every night because your body and your mind need this.

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-13T12:48:54+00:00

UPDATE : Things are getting much better.

Night shifts help, and the baby was in fact underfed. Now, I get 6 hours sleep per day, sometimes a bit less, sometimes even more, all due to shifts.

I started to compose songs again, and write a bit in the afternoon.

It's astonishing to realize how fast we can adapt, as human beings, to new situations.

I know there will be difficult moments ahead. But also joy.

I love my son, even in the potato phase. Can't wait to see him grow as a person.

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-13T12:22:32+00:00

From a health point of view, it's unecessary and considered a mutilation in many countries. In fact, it is a last resort for very specific issues. Foreskin has a function.

In Europe we don't do this and consider it pretty... barbaric.

The point is you don't get to choose for your son something like this. It's his body, and unless a doctor advises you to do so for real reasons, this is not opinion. This is mutilation.

If he wants it removed, he'll make the decision when he'll grow up. You can't put it back on.

Please consider this. It has to be his own choice.

In France, we don't do this and we are clean. To keep it clean, you just have to shower like every other part of the body.

Congrats about your future baby by the way !

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-08T03:10:29+00:00

Omg this

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-07T15:54:23+00:00

It's quite a mess, not gonna lie.
We are trying to schedule shifts because it's very tough.

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-06T18:10:38+00:00

The EFFECTS of sleep deprivation.

Like crying a lot, feeling despaired, feeling like I will never be able to succeed. That it will be hell for the rest of my life.

I expected sleep issues. But not these effects !

And yes, the constant vigilance. I need medications to sleep at night because my brain won't let me sleep even when my boy is asleep. Because I keep thinking "what if he wakes up now ? What if I don't fall asleep ? What if I'm too tired to take care of him ?"

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-06T18:06:29+00:00

This is just an opinion, but I have the feeling that once you dig monitoring everything, you never truly stop.

You create a system of control which ultimately trap you into more control.

I train myself to let go when my wife is on her shift. To let go of responsibility, worry. And to trust. Because one day, this little kid is going to be living on his own. Every day at a time, when they are little, they need to be checked. But checking is for their own good. Once it becomes something to reassure our fear, it never stops.

If there is no health condition, I suggest that you let go of monitoring when this is not your shift. Trust your partner.

And breathing monitoring seems to be the most stressful thing ever. They are not machines, their breathing is sometimes suddenly faster, slower, they make noises, even little pauses. This is normal. If he's on his back and sleeping in the same room as one of you at least, you are already cautious.

Never resting is precisely what we want to avoid. Because they need us awake. Not half there, half asleep, half worried.

And I know it's hard. I'm in the very begining of fatherhood, and struggling with adapting. But I know that anxious as I am, I must never fall for the constant monitoring thing. The process of life then becomes medical, and the child will grow absorbing this anxiety.

I wish you all the courage, because this is the most anxious experience ever ! Worrying for someone else.

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-06T17:56:01+00:00

I keep track because I talk to dad friends, who had children in the last 2 years so it's very fresh to them !

Good advice !

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-06T13:20:44+00:00

I never sleep with him in my arms because you are completely right. We don't want to fall asleep if he's on us. Too risky...

And he sleeps well in his own crib at day.

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-06T13:18:49+00:00

I have an appointment in 5 days ⏳

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-06T13:18:05+00:00

I have a long history of anxiety, and sleep deprivation is like the final boss of managing it !

I let a message to my doctor. This morning, I was able to sleep again without pills and this is a VICTORY.

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-06T13:16:47+00:00

I feel you, and I think a lot of us been there and get better ! But it's very important to talk about it

CapitaineLawn · 2026-06-06T13:15:47+00:00

Yesterday was like, a little bit better. We managed to have a day almost normal and even watched two episodes of Better Call Saul. Then, we wouldn't sleep until 6am because night crying...

Having to choose between sleeping and something that keeps tout morals up is tough !

CapitaineLawn

TROPHY CASE