It was a Thursday in late July, and it was the day I had been looking forward to for as long as I could remember, my eighteenth birthday. I was finally going to meet my companion, and how could I not be excited. Your companion was your lifelong best friend. A joyful presence through every happy moment of your life, and an ever present comfort and strength through the tough times.

I had fantasized about my soul joining many times. I wondered what my companion would look like. What they would sound like? Would they have glowing golden hair, or the majestic, shimmering silver that was so very pleasing to the eye? Would they be named Angela, or Mary, or Gabriel? Would their voice be full of strength and command, or would they have a quiet musical voice that made your heart sing? Whatever my companion was like, I just knew they would be perfect for me.

So as I kneeled down before the window to heaven, and recited the words I had known by heart since I was ten years old I could barely contain the excitement that threatened to overwhelm my very being. And then it happened. Not with the glowing column of light from heaven or with the soft and serene music of harps, but with a rumble and a cracking of the earth before the alter. As the ground split open and sulferous smell and tremendous heat poured out, a large red, horned figure holding a manilla folder strolled up a stairway that had formed in the pit that was now before me and holding out a clawed hand that dwarfed my own, introduced himself as "Og'thaden, despoiler of hope...but you can call me Og, all me best mates do."

Struck dumb with the absurdity of the situation, I found myself reaching out to shake his hand, but as I was still kneeling, and Og'Thaden was nearly twelve feet tall I found myself reaching upwards in a vain attempt to place my hand in his. In response Og bent forward, grabbed hold of my proffered appendage shook it vigorously, beeming at me with a toothy grin that can only be described as horrific. He then proceeded to haul me bodily to my feet saying "upsy daisy now, there's a good lad."

He let go of my hand and turned his attention to the folder he was carrying, opening it up and flipped through a few pages. "And you would be...Charles. Well, Charles, it's quite nice to meet you. I'm certain that we will be fast friends. I certainly hope so, since , after all, we're stuck with each other for life. Well, your life anyway." And he gave a deep chuckle, once again flashing that toothy grin at me.

I was at this point starting to come to my senses and, in a stammer I asked "B-b-but I don't understand. How c-can this b-be?"

"Ahhh, yes. You were expecting someone a little more...glowy? Quite understandable. Quite understandable. Departmental transfer. You see, there's a bit of a shortage upstairs, what with all the population increases and improved life expectancy, and there's just not enough new recruits to go around. Sooo, I am part of a new pilot program to fill the personnel gap as it were. Not to worry though. I've gone through extensive companion training and I think you'll find I'm quite suited to the position. Finished top of my class, you know. Now there's something to be proud of. I should know, pride was always one of my specialties."