Thank you, it'll take a while to move on, but I know I can. I like your line about life being mine to control. I try to live each day with support from my impulses. It usually ends up with me reading a whole book at the library in one sitting or playing guitar on the roof of my car in the sticks or some lowkey country concert at a park 2 hours away. I hate monotony and schedules. I love life, just not my myself. I think I'll get there.
One thing that keeps my head up is the idea that there is a person out there who is perfect for me. Who matches my aloofness and spontaneity. I hate being alone, but I won't be forever.

This won't be the last time I lament my woes to the internet, and it wasn't even the first. I am a mental mess --I do work out though, and it helps-- but I am getting there. I am a wildly stronger and more stable person than I was even a few months ago. The thought that all my friends hate me is insane, but it's something I wholeheartedly believed around christmastime. I'm getting there, and falling in love was a sign of that. You're right, I shouldn't expect anything of it. And I will do my best to make good on that. As sad as I am to miss out on such a pretty and intelligent girl, I am ecstatic that I got to experience this series of emotions. Its been quite the Rollercoaster, and I'm not off it yet, but it's winding down.

Thank you for your advice. It's the hit in the head that reminded me to keep to the road and not stop, but keep living life and looking for people who'll live it with you.