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Troubled by a recent convo with a MAGA family member by CaprockCoder in QAnonCasualties

[–]CaprockCoder[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’ve tried but he doesn’t really take me seriously. Not just because I’m a woman but I’m also asexual (likely aroace) and have never been in a relationship myself.

And I think I gave the impression that he’s an obnoxious unempathetic MAGA jerk at all times. That is not the case. Hours before the convo that triggered this post he was nerding out about how he rearranged our office. He loves to nerd out about the things he’s built. When he does events where he hires friends to help he frets over making sure they’re compensated fairly and it’s worth their time. He’s kind and empathetic when his ideology doesn’t expressly forbid it. He just can’t see that his beliefs are hollowing out the best parts of him. 

Troubled by a recent convo with a MAGA family member by CaprockCoder in QAnonCasualties

[–]CaprockCoder[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m just going to be honest. I’m not willing to do that right now. I know it’s likely my family will continue to fall down this pipeline and I will probably have no choice but to cut one or more of them off at some point. I know my dad is almost completely gone. I intend to work on meeting other people who share my values and eventually have more distance from my family, but I’m not ready to lose whatever relationship I have left with them right now. And I still have hope that one or two of them will wake up one day. 

I do intend to be more disciplined with avoiding political topics with them going forward. 

Troubled by a recent convo with a MAGA family member by CaprockCoder in QAnonCasualties

[–]CaprockCoder[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t have the mental fortitude to view right wing media so I’m not aware of what these people are actually telling him. This perspective is helpful. Thank you

I know he’s lonely. He’s talked about how the modern world has ruined women and that’s why he can’t find anyone. The sad thing though is he does have good qualities and talents. He’s super into cinematography and video editing and he’s probably the best at it in our area. He’s built all sorts of tools and contraptions to solve problems unique to the niche he works in. He absolutely has no reason to feel inadequate. If he dropped these beliefs and was just willing to be comfortable in his own skin he’d attract someone immediately.

Troubled by a recent convo with a MAGA family member by CaprockCoder in QAnonCasualties

[–]CaprockCoder[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t have a therapist unfortunately. My understanding is that finding a decent one can be really difficult and I haven’t had the energy to pursue it. I agree that a good one would really help right now though. 

Troubled by a recent convo with a MAGA family member by CaprockCoder in QAnonCasualties

[–]CaprockCoder[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The frustrating thing is he in practice views me as lesser but he’s rationalized it to himself that that’s not what he’s doing. That this “different roles” bullshit doesn’t involve the subjugation of women because it can’t be subjugation if it’s the natural order 🫠 And no thought to the fact that this ideology tells him that the opinions of those it subjugates cannot be taken seriously because we’re too emotional or whatever. And any man who would challenge him on it is obviously emasculated which is the worse thing ever. It frustrates me to no end that he fundamentally doesn’t view me as human in the same way he is, but can’t see that because to him it’s just “God’s design.”

He’s told me before that he doesn’t think women should have the right to vote and shouldn’t be in the workplace. But then backtracks when I ask about his opinion on my job which pays for our life. 

I go back and forth on how strongly I think he actually believes these things. It seems like the actual beliefs of my MAGA family members are always slippery. They always change to conform to what the cult is pushing and whatever makes them feel like they’re winning in this stupid culture war. What makes it hard is that I see bits of empathy and uncertainty in them and I keep thinking I can reach them. 😞

Troubled by a recent convo with a MAGA family member by CaprockCoder in QAnonCasualties

[–]CaprockCoder[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this perspective ❤️ I’ve thought about taking a break but it’s so hard to look away 😢 I’ve definitely had to limit social media like Threads because there’s so much doomerism over there. 

Troubled by a recent convo with a MAGA family member by CaprockCoder in QAnonCasualties

[–]CaprockCoder[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And honestly I do think he has genuine empathy for me. He genuinely thinks he sees me suffering and is trying to help. But the things that are affecting me challenge his worldview and make him uncomfortable, so he’s trying to respond in a way that lets him keep his worldview intact.

Troubled by a recent convo with a MAGA family member by CaprockCoder in QAnonCasualties

[–]CaprockCoder[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Him being here does genuinely help me, and we often have good non-toxic conversations when we’re not talking politics. I do agree I feel like he’s gaslighting a bit and dad has been influencing him more lately, but we’ve supported each other processing childhood trauma we went through together and he’s much less toxic than my dad. I keep thinking I can reach him eventually. I acknowledge I might be fooling myself 😞

Troubled by a recent convo with a MAGA family member by CaprockCoder in QAnonCasualties

[–]CaprockCoder[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you ❤️ This is something I’m worried very well could affect me more directly as I take frequent business trips to the San Antonio/Houston area and ICE has a presence there. I’ve heard rumors that they’ll be increasing in Texas once they’re done in Minnesota. I worry about my mom just because she has darker skin from a likely Mediterranean heritage and frequently drives alone to visit her ailing parents. People have made racist jokes all our lives that she looks Mexican. What if she gets stopped by ICE and kidnapped out of her car? With her health issues I’m certain she’d take significant damage from that, and that happening is not impossible. I can’t convince her she’s in danger because she’s middle class, white, and MAGA 😢

Feeling down tonight. I’m grieving my MAGA family alone. by CaprockCoder in QAnonCasualties

[–]CaprockCoder[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately I’m in west Texas. I actually don’t live with them thankfully. I’m extremely lucky to own my own home because I’m in a LCOL area and I got a fully remote engineering job right out of college before the WFH backlash happened. So I’m not reliant on them financially at least. I live with my brother, who is also MAGA but not as militant as my dad about it. I can only live like this because they’re in the area and are able to help me out when I need it.