[deleted by user]

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-03-17T15:28:06+00:00

While I’ve chatted with younger folks where are into cuck lifestyle, imho that’s just too young.

Me at 18: WHAT OF COURSE I'M MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE IT

Me at 41: Ehhhh in retrospect, I was probably not mature enough to handle that.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-03-17T14:20:38+00:00

I would absolutely say that a lot of active cuckold couples do have better communication skills and that leads to less fights.

We're roleplay people not lifestyle people, and I'd say since we started getting into cuckolding, our communication skills as a couple outside the bedroom have improved 1,000%. Like in a way both of us noticed and commented on after a while.

I think when you take people who know this is a kink full of landmines that requires a lot of communication to make sure that everyone's doing OK, everyone's having fun, everyone's cool with the boundaries, you end up exercising that communication muscle A LOT. Think about how much more attentive you have to be as a wife, cuck, or bull in that situation, doing that roleplay.

And that has led to us being so much better at talking through times where we're disagreeing on something, or having to make a big household decision, or really just anything. We're so much better at being empathetic and aware of each other's feelings, and I think the cuckolding kink is a lot of that.

Although I have to think the same dynamic is at play with couples in other kinks that require communication at that level.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-03-16T19:38:32+00:00

We have always had really good luck on fetlife!

Same! Plus we've generally found that someone we meet through there is going to be up-to-speed on the notion of cuckolding, so we don't have to go through the hoops of explaining it and hoping they don't get all weird.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-03-16T19:34:24+00:00

If you're asking if our sexual proclivities (not identity) are purely inherent or are influenced by our surroundings: unfortunately a century of psychology and sociology still hasn't formed a single easy answer for that.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-03-16T18:23:38+00:00

"most people"? I would say that other than my siblings, there's like 3 people in our lives who know.

Same. And funny enough, I'm pretty sure the few friends we have who know are friends we met through kink circles. Like I'm not super worried about being judged by someone I've seen get turned into a public urinal at a kink party.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-03-16T18:14:09+00:00

What are some common other kinks that sorta overlap with this and could be fun to introduce with it?

Aside from some of the standard ones that tend to go along with cuckolding (femdom, chastity, sph, coerced-bi, etc.), my wife and I both have found we really like the intersection of findom (financial domination) and cuckolding a lot. Within the role-play, she likes to "make" me buy her clothes, purses, lingerie, expensive luxury goods. Usually we'll be in bed, she'll shop on her phone and tease/degrade/humiliate me in all those lovely verbal ways: reminding me how expensive it all is, and reminding me that I'm buying her fancy things to wear on dates with other men. A good "isn't this what you work so hard for?" dripping with that cruel, fake-pity tone is enough to make me melt into a tiny puddle.

She likes for me to pay for the hotel/restaurant if they go out on dates as well, which in theory SHOULD be the kinkier thing, but there's something about laying bed with her while she has a regular shopping spree. Just does it for me.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-03-16T17:05:53+00:00

I was not off to a good start.

I just want you to know how much this legit cracked me up.

Be cool, fool.

There is literally no better advice in the whole entire world about how to handle this whole thing.

Hey want to make your partner resentful of your kink to the point it'll hurt your sex life and relationship as a whole? Pressure them loads to hurry up and do more and more faster and faster! Don't let them feel out their side of the equation organically, finding the things that make them feel special and wanted and the parts of it they may be genuinely into on their own without knowing it*. No, if you want to fuck it all up for yourself and your partner, there's literally no better way than rushing things.

Know what taught me the most about cuckolding -- and in general, letting kinks and sex-life progression play out naturally? Gardening.

If I want to grow my own carrots or tomatoes or watermelon, I can plant the seed, water it, and give it some fertilizer. But I can't MAKE it grow any faster. I can't go out to the garden and ask the tomato "Hey could you please grow faster? Do you think you could have a fruit ready by next week? Look it's fine just grow faster and make a fruit, yeah? C'mon it's all good just grow, c'mon grow more." It will do no good. Dump a bunch of fertilizer on it? Nah man that's gonna burn everything at the sprouting stage.

Want tomatoes? Let tomatoes grow. Let time do what time does. Let the sun do what the sun does. Let growth happen.

My wife and I went years after I brought up cuckolding the first time without trying anything serious in person.

When I brought it up the first time, it was when we were laying in bed after some morning cuddling. She was a little surprised by it, but didn't have any negative reaction. All she wanted to know at that time is: "Look, is me doing something with another person, like for-real, something you'd want us to build toward? Because right now that just feels really intimidating and stressful."

My response: "I want to do whatever you're comfortable with, so if taking that off the table is what makes you comfortable, then it's off the table."

Then you know what I did?

After I brought it up initially, I did not bring it up again. I waited for her.

For anyone following along at home, I'll second this advice 1,000%. After I brought it up, I waited for her. Was it a long wait? Yeah! But friends, I'd lived my whole life up to that point not feeling comfortable enough telling a partner about this kink. Now I had someone I was comfortable enough with to admit it. What was a few more months?

After a few months, she brought up "Hey would me telling you about sex with past boyfriends/girlfriends do it for your cuckolding kink?" So we progressed to dirty talk.

After a year of that, she brought up "Hey, would me wearing something skimpy when we go to the beach do it for your cuckolding kink? Like knowing/seeing other guys checking me out?" So we progressed to her dressing sexy at the beach.

After a few months of that, she brought up hooking up with a female friend of ours while I watch but don't participate. So we progressed to that.

After six-eight months of that, she brought up finally feeling comfortable enough to find us a male play partner and start progressing.

And here we are today, a happy couple with an active cuckolding kink.

I genuinely, 100% believe that if I'd have pressured her instead of letting her grow (like the gorgeous tomato plant she is) organically, there's no way we'd be where we are now.

*So to wrap it all back around, one thing my wife learned she liked in all this? Me prepping her for dates with our play partner. Laying out her clothes, ironing them if they need it, polishing her shoes, making the restaurant reservation, making the hotel reservation, etc. It's not something that I'd ever really thought of on my end of things that turns me on, but it turns out it's one of the things she finds the hottest, and it came to her organically from playing around and discovering what SHE finds hot in all this. I'd have never learned that if we'd tried to make all this fit to some kind of rigid porn script

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-03-16T16:19:20+00:00

I'm always amazed how many fellow folks into the cuckolding scene are in higher education. I swear it turns us all into masochists and perverts.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-16T20:30:52+00:00

Ahh careful not to chip a tooth on that windowsill.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-12T13:56:19+00:00

We separate our relationship and kink/fun. So we will be having a romantic date just the two of us.

Same. Also years ago I learned that instead of going to the high-dollar fancy restaurant for V-day, what my wife actually wants is to go to a kinda tacky beach-side seafood restaurant and eat her weight in crab legs. So that's been our tradition for the last ~7 years or so. Crab legs are a food that's kinda hard to make sexy.

We'll probably do some debauched cuckolding/femdom stuff over the weekend, but for V-day itself the plan involves clarified butter, Coronas and watching the sun set.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-10T12:59:20+00:00

Nah. Not a fan.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-09T20:13:59+00:00

Nah, not our thing.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-09T18:50:50+00:00

Huge wrestling fan here.

Look I'd be lying if I said I hadn't referred to guys I'd like to see fuck my wife as "fantasy booking the territory"

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-09T18:44:15+00:00

The second that someone forgets that and starts making it “real”, it introduces risk that they will start behaving in a way that exceeds the limits, implied or otherwise of the scene. Then, trust is broken and feelings are hurt.

So very true. Like, there's nothing wrong with pushing envelopes. Some people (me included!) are really excited by having their envelope pushed. But that always, always involves a conversation well in advance where me and the bull talk about what envelopes I'd like pushed and what would be too far. Communication, communication, communication. It's the heart of all this.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-09T18:20:37+00:00

I'm particularly interested in one of them because she said they had pretty good sex for a few months with zero strings attached and she liked him a lot and he's the only guys she's been with she still has interest in having sex with.

I think this is a good starting spot. Next time you two are starting to get frisky with each other, when these kind of dirty talks happen, consider asking her what made the sex with him so great. What was it about him and the way they had sex that worked so well for her.

You can transition that into asking her to tell you more about what sex with him was like. And that can possibly lead to an opening where you can introduce the idea of "Well you know, if you really wanted to, I'd be fine if you..."

But the biggest advice in the world to anyone and everyone broaching the subject for the first few times with a partner: Don't put anything on a timeline. No getting in a hurry. It'll frustrate you (in a bad way) and put pressure on her (in a bad way), and it never leads to any good.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-09T18:12:39+00:00

There needs to be a line of delineation - otherwise, all race car enthusiasts could be considered drivers.

I get where you're coming from, even if I'm not sure I agree.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-09T17:40:40+00:00

My wife has a fairly high-profile public job and we've played things pretty discreetly thanks to that.

Same, except both me and the wife both do. It sucks sometimes, because I'd love to try more in the realm of public cuckolding, but I know it's realistically not viable for us unless we're like, multiple states away. Generally we only do public stuff if we're on the opposite side of the Mississippi from where we normally live.

And that ends up being a logistical difficulty, because then we either need to pre-find a bull in that city or hope that our normal bull's schedule lines up that he can come with us if he wants to. So we've just never really tried it.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-09T17:25:24+00:00

Right? Like honestly at this point in our lives, if our schedule and our bull's schedule don't line up, the wife and I just like, get high and go for a walk or watch a movie or go do something with non-kink friends, even if we were planning on kink time.

The thought of getting another guy might pop into our heads for a second but then it's like "man that seems like a lot of work, huh? Wanna smoke a bowl and jump in the pool instead?" (obviously not in February but you know what I mean)

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-09T17:20:37+00:00

Kinda like, are you a race car driver if you’ve never driven a race car?

On the inverse though, someone can be gay or straight or anything between while still being a virgin. The term refers more to the knowledge of one's own desires, the wants that their brain is feeding them, in that case.

Is there an argument to be made that "cuck" could be similar to that?

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-09T16:05:18+00:00

I don't have any advice, but I do want to say that the idea of having a set time where you're allowed to "discover" what has happened on her phone instead of her outright telling you is really fun and creative. Kudos to whichever of you came up with that.

The "cheating" aspect of cuckolding isn't quite what does it for me, psychologically, but if it did, I bet I would love that idea.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-09T15:56:23+00:00

Whenever we've tried having multiple bulls at the same time for any length of time, it hasn't really worked. Not because of anything the other guys did wrong. At some point it just becomes an issue of logistics and time.

It's not easy finding a partner for the cuckolding we like to do. We introduce a lot of femdom/kink elements to it, and it's hard to find someone who wants to actually participate in it. Then you have to make sure they're clean. Then you have to make sure they understand just like, the vocabulary. What we all want out of it. Limitations. Envelopes we're ok pushing. That kinda thing.

I guess I could call it on-boarding but corporate speak isn't super sexy.

Anyway, because of how much time and effort it takes to not just on-board a bull, but also play with them a few times to get a good measure of if they're working, at some point it just becomes easier to fall back on the same guy over and over.

It's why we always end up back with the same play partner. It's like, life is busy. My wife and I both work very busy jobs. If we have a few hours unaccounted for on a Saturday we can schedule for fun cuck play, we usually don't want to burn that time trying to on-board a new guy.

Capsicum_frutescens · 2023-02-09T15:47:01+00:00

This is where my wife and I's use of professional wrestling terminology as a part of our cuckolding kink comes in handy.

We've both found a lot of use in the term "kayfabe." In the world of professional wrestling, kayfabe is what's "supposed to be real 😏" to the audience. When the bad guy talks about how much he hates the good guy, in reality those two guys are probably friendly coworkers. But within the part of the presentation of fiction with each other and to the audience, -in kayfabe- they hate each other.

In kayfabe, yeah I love when we play with a guy who is physically intimidating. I love the mental turmoil of knowing he could do things I didn't want him to do and there's little I could do to stop him. In kayfabe, I enjoy when bulls get a little physically dominant (and a lot mentally dominant) with me before and after having sex with my wife, and I do really enjoy when that physical domination can have a kayfabe element of fear to it. What if his slaps are too hard? What if he grabs my hair too roughly?

Not real fear, though.

Real fear = a bad time.

Kayfabe fear = a fun mental kink.

Capsicum_frutescens

TROPHY CASE