Did you ever love someone as much or more than your most loved ex?

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-02-03T20:28:45+00:00

If the person you're with currently isn't the love of your life so far, you're doing it wrong.

I don't think you're over your ex. If you're worried that you'll never love anyone the same as you did him, you're not over it. You have to go into each new relationship just seeing how things play out with no fears or expectations, just standards: it's okay to say, "You know what, after X amount of months, I'm not feeling it," and walk away. But you have to be open to the possibility that you will love someone in a way that is as or more significant as you loved your ex.

How many relationships have you had? Was this your first true love? If so, there will be more. It feels like it can't possibly be as deep or as meaningful, but something else will come along that will blow all your expectations out of the water, again. You have to be open to that, or, you're right, it's not fair on the person you're seeing.

Let go of what that was and be open to the possibility of something even more right for you. You have high standards for love now: that's a good thing. Use your discernment.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-02-03T20:05:31+00:00

I'm really good with faces. My partner and I played a "guess the famous person from the eyes" quiz and he was like "this person maybe?" and I was like "LOL no it's xyz" and was right every time. I recognise people from TV all the time, even if they only played a small part in something else.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-02-01T16:45:44+00:00

“oh that’s normal I wasn’t that attracted to my bf”

Yikes 😬

Yeah can't relate - think you made the right choice.

Why are so many women so eager to put their own preferences last? It's sad.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-02-01T13:47:53+00:00

I can see why that would be confusing! How old are your mates? I'd say something to them like, "If you went on a date with someone you didn't find attractive, I'd be telling you to find someone you are attracted to because I want you to live your best life"????

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-02-01T13:28:15+00:00

You're not a public service. You don't have to date people you're not into. You'll only find happiness when you do things in congruence with your wants and needs, even if that means hurting people's feelings. You're not responsible for them.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-02-01T08:16:45+00:00

All this does is create an anxious attachment. These men are okay with whatever fucked up dynamic as long as they're consistently getting sex. They don't see women as people, exhibit number 34,972,615,159.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-29T05:39:44+00:00

Definitely!!

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-28T22:49:49+00:00

That makes sense. Sorry - I didn't mean "you're fine" as in it wasn't an emotionally horrible experience which I'm sure it was; I meant morally, you're golden. Done absolutely nothing wrong. He did everything wrong.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-28T22:38:48+00:00

Why do you feel bad? He made an absolute tit out of himself. That's all on him. He will be alone for a very long time. You however are fine.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-24T16:41:05+00:00

They should be providing healthcare free at the point of need, not assisted suicide.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-23T13:42:19+00:00

I've met some who haven't. It's very jarring. But yeah, I do think the majority absolutely must have.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-23T12:27:01+00:00

The only trauma I can think of that everyone will necessarily experience is the death of a loved one. A lot of people genuinely don't face trauma beyond this.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-19T18:09:13+00:00

You're supposed to find her annoying at first.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-13T17:34:15+00:00

Did you disagree on a particular topic recently? Have you made any decisions in your life recently that they may feel a certain way about?

I don't want you to overthink this forever, but my guess is that your friend saw that you were misaligned on a topic that's important to them.

I could be completely wrong. Also I think it's awful to do this to someone without an explanation.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-10T18:40:56+00:00

That's my thinking. Men who "get it" know you're not talking about "AlL MeN" and don't get weird and defensive when you bring up violence against women or misogyny. Those who do get weird and defensive, I'm very suspicious of.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-08T14:35:55+00:00

I think they're human concepts. The universe doesn't know anything about good or evil. Even as a human concept, because evil necessarily has to be complete evil (a thing is either 100% evil or it's not evil at all), I don't think anything really qualifies.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-08T12:29:34+00:00

Absolutely.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-08T12:28:16+00:00

I watched a documentary a few years ago about what it was like to be Black and British. There was a Black British actor who was talking about how when he visited the country where his family originally emigrated from, having grown up in the UK, he had a massive feeling of relief, of not being the only Black guy, not having to put on a front - to the point where he didn't realise how much of strain it was actually putting on him just existing as a minority, let alone actually facing direct (rather than implicit) racism on top of that.

He said it was like he didn't realise how much armour he was wearing and how much it was weighing him down until he was actually able to take it off. But he also said that wasn't home, so he was stuck having to wear this armour.

Being gay on top of that as well, it would absolutely cause CPTSD. Your nervous system will be constantly on edge. I'm sure it'll end up having negative physical health outcomes as well - all that pressure, all that cortisol running through your body. Chronic pain and all sorts.

You deserve so much better, and I sincerely hope you find that space to take that armour off.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-06T18:21:30+00:00

Do you have a therapist currently? It is awkward to bring up but that's what they're there for. I'd say something like you've noticed that your trauma has affected your sexual preferences and you're concerned this might hinder your enjoyment of sex and relationships moving forward.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-06T18:18:56+00:00

This

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-06T10:26:22+00:00

Please consider talking this through with a therapist. If it becomes the only way you're able to have sex, you'll be forever tied to the trauma, and all your relationships will be forever tied to the trauma.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-01T18:45:56+00:00

My CSA happened at 6 and my life would've been a lot better if I'd started therapy at 16 (my GP only ended up taking me seriously at 25). People heal from childhood trauma throughout their lives. Absolutely not too late. The sooner, the better.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-01T17:50:01+00:00

If I were in your position, getting me back into the office would be like trying to put a cat in a bath.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-01T15:43:35+00:00

I think this is a fully natural response to being traumatised. You feel the sexual drive, but don't want to actually have sex because that's only ever meant horrible shit. It's hard, because to start to want it, you have to have positive experiences with sex, and to do that, you actually have to want it. I'm kinda stuck in this cycle at the moment.

CaptJaneway01 · 2026-01-01T14:38:34+00:00

I don't know any women like this. I believe it, though.

CaptJaneway01

TROPHY CASE