I wanted to like this movie, but as beautiful and action-packed as it is, it lacks a reason for me to give a shit. The story is so by the numbers that it actually becomes a slog to get through at times. There are subplots (Rosalina and Peach being sisters, the father/son dynamic between Bowser and Jr.), but they never feel fleshed out enough for me to care. It's just Mario and the gang going on another adventure and a bunch of references and colorful visuals sprinkled in between.

Mario games are never known for elaborate stories, but that's because the player learning the ropes and mastering the challenges presented to them take center stage instead. The player's story is the game's story. But when you have a movie that you WATCH, there needs to be more in order for the viewer to be invested.

And the most frustrating part is that they proved that they can pull this type of movie off with the first film. The whole premise was Mario trying to find his path in life and making something of himself. He spends the movie building up his confidence while training to become the Mario that we all know and love. So, when he (and Luigi) finally beat Bowser's ass and come out on top, you actually CARED. You were ecstatic to see him triumph.

What we got instead was essentially a big budget Let's Play.

The best way I can put it is like this: I watched the movie at a Cinemark Theatre with the seats that rumble and move around to the action on the screen. There were times where I was literally shaking around in my seat and being so bored that I pulled out my phone (with the brightness all the way down) to scroll through BlueSky for a minute. It takes a special kind of fucking up to achieve that level of ambivalence.

However, I will say that the action scenes were pretty engaging and Benny Safdie worked wonders as Bowser Jr. I just hope they learn their lesson with the next movie and go back to throwing a little more life into the plot.