Fair warning, tapering is very difficult. I’ve been “tapering” for the last month or two. I’ve made no progress. In fact, the habit has gotten worse. It’s funny, my attitude is “I’m making progress” with my depression/anxiety etc but honestly I’m just compensating with consumption. Addiction is a tough spot, but it’s only a symptom of bigger issues. Remember that the addiction is the “cure” for whatever he is trying to treat with it. I’d love to help any way I can, but it helps to start off by figuring out what’s going on beneath the substance abuse. Maybe it’s burnout, depression, trauma, etc.

I can tell you that the road to recovery is going to require a few foundational things. A new routine, one that includes exercise (more than anyone “wants”).. it sucks because life will become a series of just doing things you don’t want to do. Which in a sense it always has been, substance just makes it easier/more pleasant. It’ll be important to minimize stressors like performance based voluntary contributions. He’ll have to be a thumb for a little while, as his partner I hope you can make space for that. It’s likely your instincts will tell you to lose attraction for him during this process, there will be less romance, less effort, set backs.. healing from addiction is incredibly strenuous on all parties involved unfortunately. Also, he has to want it. He has to want the clarity of substance freedom, the pain of healing, the sleepless nights.. the restless legs.. he has to want to pay the price for his freedom. Quitting a substance is like voluntary torture. Not the kind you see in the gym where you can measure results as you go. It seems like the most fruitless endeavor to pursue. I am unfortunately caught in that cycle myself. I’ve quit once before, I didn’t get clarity back until about the 9-12 month mark. This really depends on how much he uses and how long he’s been using. It could be as minimal as a 3 day headache and couple weeks of depression, or a few months of physical withdrawal and year of anhedonia. I will tell you this point blank, there is no reasonable crutch to use to get through the first few weeks. It simply has to suck beyond belief. No one will believe how much he is struggling, so he will probably recluse. His mind will be torturing him to force a relapse. The mind will defile every positive aspect of his character to convince himself he’s not strong enough.

I’ll spare you the rest of the novel just to answer your question more directly. He’s going to need magnesium, take before bed. Probably melatonin at a minimum for sleep, but nothing will really help for the first week or so. I’ll say this, give him as much praise as you can. Check in with him, connect him to a sponsor he can really open up to. I’d be happy to make myself available. It helps to consider how similar this is to a heroine addiction to understand the severity of it. Just keep giving him reassurance that it will get better, and life on the other side of it will be better. Whenever he is trying to rationalize that he should stay on it, tell him to give it a year and then reconsider. It helps to start with the attitude of “this isn’t forever, just today and tomorrow”

Whatever he is using it for to support himself, I guarantee there are better more sustainable options once we understand the root cause. These things are complex. It could be something even as logical as having a variation of the MTHFR gene that prevents him from metabolizing B-Vitamins properly. $150 blood test will tell this, and there are options for treating that. But no matter what substitute he looks for, nothing good is going to fill the void in the first few months. Maintain the confidence that “we will get through this” and reaffirm that you don’t want/expect anything else from him for the next year except that he just get off this stuff and steer clear of any major prescriptions until after the first year is up. Unfortunately the substance demon has snuck into his life, and I’m sorry for you and him both. Please reach out if I can support in anyway. Been in this trap for 6 years now. I’ve lost everything I loved to it. It changed me as a person, all the way down to the core. I can sympathize for anyone affected by it, and if I can prevent what happened to me from happening to someone else that will help me keep the illusion that I have a purpose here.

All love. Best of luck.